Monday, December 28, 2009
Thursday, December 24, 2009
In other happy news, today Mick from Supergrass tweeted that he likes my Christmas mix and I think that is a Christmas miracle. I kinda want to tweet this good news but then he'd see it and have even more evidence I'm insane. As if flying to see them in Cali and NYC last year wasn't enough. And I'm going to LA to see them next month, thanks to my partner in Supergrass crime Simone! She bought my ticket as an early birthday present. Yips!!!
Now I would like to show you some pictures I think are funny. My friend Jason was given a subscription to Car & Driver under the name of Deez Nutz and he's asking everyone if they did this, and we're all saying we wish we had.
Then Simone's husband Gregg put this sticker on a McDonald's sign the other day. (He's a vegan. He really would throw up if he ate McDonald's.)
That's all the funny I have for now. I hope my kids get all better. xo
Tuesday, December 22, 2009
Thursday, December 17, 2009
Tuesday, December 15, 2009
And here's my lady love Amy Sedaris on Martha Stewart. You all know how I feel about Martha and I love how Amy gets some brilliant digs in.
My favorite part:
Martha: "No, I don't live alone! I have five cats and three dogs..."
Amy: "Oh, those people."
Monday, December 14, 2009
Okay, so: my picks are
On the bench:
Thursday, December 10, 2009
But the best is when he's on the Adam Carolla show and they start talking about Kenny Rogers lyrics, I was dying the whole way through.
I think that Norm and Christopher Walken and Billy Corgan could all meld into one.
Saturday, December 5, 2009
Thursday, December 3, 2009
Monday, November 30, 2009
Our friends Ben & Aaron have a podcast called Grapes of Rad and they also have a morbid version of fantasy football called Celebrity Death Pool. I couldn't get in on it since I didn't discover them until May of this year and they only take submissions for the next year before Jan 1 but they're drafting again and if you read my blog on a regular basis you might be sick enough to want to participate.
1. Choose the names of 13 people that are somehow famous or otherwise known to the general public (movies, music, sports, politics, books, etc.). 10 will be on your active roster, and 3 will be on your “bench.” More on that later…
2. The people you select must be known for themselves, and not just for being associated with someone else. For example:
Acceptable: Hillary Clinton – Bill Clintonʼs wife, but she is known on her own
Unacceptable: Kobeʼs Wife – Unknown other than as Kobeʼs wife
If you feel like there might be some grey area, plead your case when you submit your selections. If we feel your argument is valid, weʼll give it to you. Weʼre pretty relaxed.
3. The purpose of the 3 bench players is to replace any losses during the game. Since no names may be added after the entry deadline, if 4 of your picks die during the year, you are down to only 9 total players.
4. You may activate/deactivate people at any time throughout the year, just let us know.
5. Each person on your list must be a living human being, not in a vegetative state, have a DOB veriﬁable through public means and not on death row or scheduled for execution as of 12:01 am on 1/1/10. If you submit someone who dies before 1/1/10, you will not get any points, but will be given the opportunity to replace their spot in your lineup.
6. Rosters will be made public once the game starts (but not before). All entries must be submitted by 12/31/09.
7. Player with the highest score at the end of the game wins.
1. You will only be given a score for those on your active roster. If someone on your bench dies, you (and they) are S.O.L. Only activated players count.
2. YOU must notify US of any death/score, and any proof (a link) would be great.
3. Scoring is based on how far the age of the deceased is from 100. For example, if someone you chose died at 28, they are worth 72 pts. If they were 85, you get 15; 112 years old, and you get 12 points.
4. In the event of a points tie, the winner will be selected according to either the fewest dead folks, or, if thatʼs even, whoever has the youngest average age of dead folks.
5. Score bonuses: 1st Death of the Year = 10 pts; Unique Death = 20 pts
People must be named individuals, not just “world’s oldest dude” or “the guy from that thing.”
The time/date of death is local time where the person died. If the time of death is reported as exactly midnight local time, the date of the new day used.
Players must not murder their chosen celebs. That’s cheating, and cheating is wrong.
All the rules are at Grapes of Rad.
Monday, November 23, 2009
Thursday, November 19, 2009
"There's this one girl who calls in sick two times a week and she never gets in trouble, she's been doing it for years, but think she can't get fired because she's black."
Christopher Hitchens is so rad.
Wednesday, November 18, 2009
Thursday, November 12, 2009
Monday, November 9, 2009
Saturday, November 7, 2009
Date: Sat, Oct 24, 2009 at 4:23 PM
Subject: You're Not Who You Portray Yourself To Be ... You're a Homosexual Male ... You are in Violatio of Your Blogger Terms of Service
I looked at the Terms of Service for Blogger, and noticed this little piece of legalese:
Impersonating others: Please don't mislead or confuse readers by pretending to be someone else or pretending to represent an organization when you don't. We're not saying you can't publish parody or satire - just avoid content that is likely to mislead readers about your true identity.
First of all, let’s get this straight … YOU’RE NOT. Your “Stuff Christian Culture Likes” BLOG is a thinly veiled swipe at Evangelical Christians – one that is highly offensive. The only thing interesting here, is that it appears that many who comment on your posts are completely oblivious to your satire. Your blog is shot through with the spirit of anti-Christ. You are not a Christian. You might have been raised in a Christian home, but you are a gay man who is possessed of a spirit of unholiness.
Gay men (and women) are hell-bent on tearing down and ripping to shreds the underpinnings of the Christian Culture in America. As soon as you complete your demolition of Biblical Morality (btw – this is the REAL “homosexual agenda”) you will have succeeded in your endeavors to elevate your own standards of morality by destroying those outlined in the Holy Bible. You are succeeding … you are now less than ONE GENERATION AWAY FROM SUCCEEDING!
I’ll be the last real man standing and fighting you. You can’t run from the truth Mr. Drury. I’ll be in contact with the hosting service of your blog. You don’t deserve to get by with this farce. You are welcome to call me. I will be happy to lead you through the Bible to a saving knowledge of Jesus Christ. You are advised to repent while you have the chance. That chance goes away when you reach the gates of hell.
Thursday, November 5, 2009
Thursday, October 29, 2009
My favorite Leonard Cohen song, 'The Future.' (Added bonus: it starts like every Wesley Willis song does.)
Give me back my broken night
my mirrored room, my secret life
it's lonely here, there's no one left to torture
Give me absolute control
over every living soul
And lie beside me, baby,
that's an order!
Give me crack and anal sex
Take the only tree that's left
and stuff it up the hole in your culture
Give me back the Berlin wall
give me Stalin and St Paul
I've seen the future, brother: it is murder
Things are going to slide, slide in all directions
Won't be nothing
Nothing you can measure anymore
The blizzard, the blizzard of the world
has crossed the threshold
and it has overturned
the order of the soul
When they said "Repent, repent"
I wonder what they meant
You don't know me from the wind
you never will, you never did
I'm the little Jew who wrote the Bible
I've seen the nations rise and fall
I've heard their stories, heard them all
but love's the only engine of survival
Your servant here, he has been told
to say it clear, to say it cold:
It's over, it ain't going any further
And now the wheels of heaven stop
you feel the devil's riding crop
Get ready for the future: it is murder
There'll be the breaking of the ancient western code
Your private life will suddenly explode
There'll be phantoms
There'll be fires on the road
and the white man dancing
You'll see a woman hanging upside down
her features covered by her fallen gown
and all the lousy little poets coming round
tryin' to sound like Charlie Manson
and the white man dancin'
Give me back the Berlin wall
Give me Stalin and St Paul
Give me Christ
or give me Hiroshima
Destroy another fetus now
We don't like children anyhow
I've seen the future, baby:
it is murder
Things are going to slide ...
I like Richard and his points are valid. Bill is valid too in what he says he believes but when he gets agro...that's when he loses me and makes me feel really sad. It's not okay to dismiss people like that. That's where a big disconnect lies between people who aren't Christians and how they perceive Christians, and often for good reason.
Wednesday, October 14, 2009
Monday, October 12, 2009
"Wow, just finished looking over the blog, some of the stuff is pretty correct.I get sad when I people leave comments like that, but then a comment was left that showed that some people do get my blog. Someone named Chrissy wrote
But still, what the hell do you think you are doing? I'm a believer but still,
are you approaching addressing Christians/"Christians" in a way as to which they
will grow from what you are saying or are you just pointing out, sometimes
rudely, the inconsistencies in people's lives without saying why this is bad or
can be fixed? Paul said I'm the first/greatest among sinners, did you write all
this with that attitude? In Christ's love.... oh wait, I just fit the stereotype
didn't I? Way to put Christians in a box. 2 points for you."
"Andrew, Stephy did not put Christians in a box. Christians did. She merelyThe feeling of being understood is amazing and I'm so glad to have found other people who are like me in this...this thing I've been dealing with for so long.
points out that there IS a box in which many Christians live. Because you agree
with her observations, you are validating the evidence. Many times that box
confines us to simplicity. We are not liberated if we believe we must conform
ourselves to fit into the box. When I tried to fit the image that Christian
culture presented, I forgot who God created me to be. I was playing a role. I
was not free. Personally, I relate to this blog very much. The entries bring to
light the image that Christians are told they should fit. They point out things
that distracted me from being content in Christ's righteousness. I was trying to
perfect my own righteousness by climbing an elusive spiritual ladder that led
nowhere. When it disintegrated, I found I was home, on the ground, with Christ
where He comforts the weary. I assure you, Stephy does not write to deter people
from Christ. She writes to expose the trends which distract us from Christ, but
are performed in the name of Christ. They are harmful, half-truths that lead to
the term "cookie cutter Christian." Christ didn't come to make cookies. He came
to free human beings, shedding His blood, and conquering death that we might
live. It is "Good News!" If it means I have to conform to the cookie cutter
image, the news becomes very average. It means I must not be me. So, what the
hell is Stephy doing? She is "shedding light in hidden places." She uses humor
to share the observations that so many of us have experienced. We find kindred
spirits here. And we laugh together. Do not condemn us. "Laughter is good
medicine." Lord knows we need it! Life is so hard."
Saturday, October 10, 2009
What is your idea of perfect happiness?
A verdant landscape filled with beautiful animals of all kinds, harp music, cumulus clouds in a bright-blue sky, and happy people conversing pleasantly, sipping cold sake from homemade bamboo cups. —Martha Stewart, Vanity Fair, November 2009
Wednesday, October 7, 2009
A few months ago we watched this documentary called "I Like Killing Flies." It's a bad title for something great (like with Mad Men) but it's about a restaurant in Greenwich Village and the guy who runs it, and some people say he's who the Soup Nazi is based on. We loved the documentary and then last week I got his book (at Carrie's recommendation), his book is called Eat Me and I read it all right away.
Here are some of my favorite quotes from the book -
"Customers in this country have been raised to believe that they are "always right." Their neuroses are coddled and their misbehaviors are tolerated for their patronage and their money by every restaurateur in America. But not by me. My approach at Shopsin's is the exact opposite of "the customer is always right." Until I know the people, until they show me that they are worth cultivating as customers, I'm not even sure I want their patronage."
"The brilliance of my restaurant is my ability to control my clientele. The thing that makes my restaurant special is my relationships and interactions with my customers—and the way they relate and interact with one another. With the wrong people here, those interactions don't happen, so to keep the wrong people out when I don't like them. I probably axe at least one party every day—and usually more than that."
"I enjoy cooking and giving what I can to my customers, and, in turn, my customers don't just enjoy giving me money, they enjoy receiving what I have given them. Once we've established a rapport, we're absolute equals in my restaurant. But I guess I shouldn't expect newcomers to understand this. In all fairness, they're right and I'm the asshole, because my way is hardly the traditional you-give-me-the-money-I-give-you-a-bagel. I want more from them. I want a relationship."
"I had an employee working for me named Jimmy, a skinny, dynamic, diabetic black guy with a Sammy Davis Jr. face. Jimmy had a girlfriend named Elaine who was really fat. When the Health Department came out with new regulations, I sent her down to take the inspections course for me. I hated the Health Department even back then. I think I'd rather go out of business than take that fucking course. People said "How can you have her take the test for you? She can't pass for you." But she was perfect. Who the hell is going to ask a 300-pound black lady if she's Kenny Shopsin?"
"Bacon pancakes remind me of pussy. When you press the cooked bacon into the raw pancake batter, it really likes to sink in. When you flip the pancakes back to serve them bacon side up, the bacon is in there, enveloped by soft walls. It's really very sexy."
"I used to make turkey dinners every day. My beautiful turkeys were everything that fresh food could be. Sadly, it is now a thing of the past, because one day, some prick from the Health Department came in, looked at the turkey sitting up there on its shelf, and said, "Is it 140 or 40?" meaning over 140 degrees or under 40 degrees. It's the law. Everything in a restaurant has to be either super fucking hot or super fucking cold. Well, it wasn't either. It was sitting out at room temperature as it did every day. Nobody ever got sick from my turkey or anything else in my restaurant. But the Health Department took that gorgeous brown juicy Norman Rockwell bird, threw it in the trash, and poured Palmolive on it. . . I like to think I won my battle with those Health Department pricks, because I am still doing what I like to do."
"I often compare my ideas about cooking to the children's book "Goodnight Moon" where the little boy discovers that everything he needs is in his life already, right in his own room. In a Goodnight Moon world, it's pretty easy to be a good home cook. It's really not about having some terrific skills or exotic ingredients or expensive equipment, or even the right recipe. To be a good cook, to turn out good, honest food that satisfies your individual tastes, it is all about having the kind of confidence and self-awareness that comes from Goodnight Moon living, in which you are happy with what is already in your life."
Tuesday, October 6, 2009
Come on, take it in, Huskies!
They make the same fucking mistakes they make every fucking time!
Look-at-this-look-at-this!!! HA HA HA HO HO!!!
Come on, get outside get outside-! Ohhhhh brother. What a wimpy run.
[standing up close to the screen] OH SHIT--[politely] Oh, thank you. [accepts coffee]
False starts are gonna take 'em right outta the field goal range here!!
[very loud] GOT 'EM! Whoa-HO!!!!!
[quietly] he didn't make it [louder] Shit OHHHHHH SHIT. Goddamn you Huskies!!! Oh NO! Jeeeesus Christ, you guys [groan] I can see where this is heading...
[sincerely] Well, this is FUN! It's really startin' to look like these guys could beat Notre Dame!
Ohhhhh now shit you guys, you GOTTA get this ball, ohhhhh [breaks off into faux sobbing noises]. AH NO!!! Now how can you not catch that ball?!?!
He's got it!...OH FUCK
[very loud, very serious] I can't believe this. I CANNOT BELIEVE THIS. This is UNBELIEVABLE.
[happily] Automatic first down! Ahhhh yes! [clap] Here we go!
[very, very loud, standing up close to the screen] JESUS CHRIST!!!! YOUUU....SUCK!!! FUCK YOU, HUSKIES!!!!
[angrily] I wasted my WHOLE afternoon watching this game!
[pleasantly, sincerely] Boy, if they could pull this off, I'd be the happiest guy in Seattle.
[stomps outside to mow the lawn] I am NEVER watching those Huskies AGAIN!!!!!
Monday, October 5, 2009
Thursday, October 1, 2009
Tuesday, September 22, 2009
Tuesday, September 15, 2009
Tuesday, September 8, 2009
Wednesday, August 26, 2009
This made me roll around and hit things laughing. Shirt in your mouth! Flight of the Bumblebee! 8x11 picture of your grandma!! (Kinda dirty, not for pearlclutchers. Or maybe it is, maybe it will make your day a little more surreal.)
Yay, here's Adam making fun of morning DJs again! I remember when this aired live, I was driving somewhere downtown late at night and I about had to pull over I was laughing so hard. I'll link Grapes of Rad so Ben & Aaron have to see it.
Tuesday, August 25, 2009
Sunday, August 23, 2009
Thursday, August 13, 2009
Tuesday, August 11, 2009
So okay. Matt Tiabbi was on Adam Carolla's podcast yesterday talking about the AIG which I know about only by name, pretty much, and he was saying it's so complicated that people just glaze over and don't try to figure it out because it's so involved. Which is totally right, that's why I don't really understand what's going on with the economic collapse. He wrote an article on Goldman-Sachs for Rolling Stone and he was saying he had to study for six weeks before interviewing people for it because the subject is that convoluted, and the fact that we don't know anything about it is to their advantage and they were pretty easily able to create this economic crisis since most of us don't really know what's going on. They created all this artificial demand and it's so wrong it's dizzying, that they could get away with it. Like for oil, the reason gas prices were so high last summer is because they traded each barrel of oil 27 times before it was used in the US. But the oil supply was actually really high so the price should have been low but they created artificial demand! Bastards! I'm almost boring myself typing that so thanks if you're still reading, but I'm just interested enough to say I'm going to read more about this cause it pisses me off that they're using the boringness to get away with everything. /end rant
Okay, not end rant. Here's the article he wrote. I love this guy.
Then yesterday, still on my usual podcast-fest, I heard on Grapes of Rad that Starbucks is going stealth and opening coffee shops that don't say Starbucks anywhere to compete with the independent shops. Here in Seattle there's already one on 15th on Capitol Hill called 15th Ave Coffee & Tea. The Grapes also said that the owner of Victrola saw all these people in his store recently carrying notebooks that said "observations" and making notes about how they did things! Those douchenozzles! And we're not going to be able to tell these supposedly independent coffee places are actually Starbucks. Well, I bet we'll be able to tell. But I really don't like the idea of them doing that. Not sure why I care when it's just coffee but it came on the heels of the AIG information and the false demand and how just a few people can own everything and eff all the consumers. I don't know why I'm watching my language on this blog but oh well. So then after listening to that message I went over and listened to a sermon by our pastor from a few weeks ago on the Sabbath and rest vs. unrest. It was so beautiful I cried and cried and I went back and listened to it again. In case my christian homies or whoever are interested it's here. Then today my therapist brought up unrest and turmoil. It's interesting how everything is melding together with me becoming more aware of my tumult and what that comes from, what's under that, and what the sabbath and true rest mean. And as it goes away I'll have so much more space to explore and all that and be free from all that bullshit. (Guess I'm not watching my language anymore.) *Since I posted this I've been feeling weird about posting something so personal to me. But I don't know if I should delete all this. Yet.*
This post has been sort of a departure from my usual random youtube video posts and weird pictures I find online. Yesterday I went back to find the farting preacher video and was wailing from laughing at it. David said "Oh, you found that again? A few months ago you used to watch it over and over and laugh harder each time." He's right.
Friday, August 7, 2009
…and the irony is that these are things I would have said about this blog at one time in my life.
10. You really need to examine what you are doing here.
9. What do you think Christ will say to you one day about your blog?
8. Examine your motives and their eternal implications.
7. If you spent half as much energy trying to help people KNOW Christ instead of bashing those people who are trying to know Christ, think of the good you would do!
6. What I see Stephy doing is fitting God into HER little box.
5. You are a bitter hardened person bashing people trying to know Christ.
4. What we do has eternal consequences whether you want to admit it or not!
3. I'm so sorry this is lost on you.
2. Just because this upsets me in no way means my heart is not breaking for all of you.
And the number one disgruntled comment to date is...
1. It's all fun and games until someone goes to hell because of your actions.
I was telling David this morning "that blog is exhausting." He said "what's the exhausting part?" I said "comments saying God is gonna get me. I think I'm too sensitive to handle people saying that." "If you don't get stuff like that on your blog you're probably not doing the right thing with it. It means you're in the dogfight."
So that was interesting.
Last week it was way too hot and today I watched You've Got Mail and pined for fall. Here are some pictures from Sunday.
Thursday, July 30, 2009
And the latest Grapes of Rad podcast is so good. I was listening to an old one, #23 I think, and Aaron sang 'Hey Man Nice Shot' in the manner of Johnny Cash and it was. So awesome. He also sang 'Loser' like the Humpty Dance guy. I was dying. I recommend the Grapes to stave away workplace and commute ennui.
Thursday, July 23, 2009
Simone and Gregg were at a crepe stand a couple weeks ago and the guy working at the stand really liked Simone. He kept giving her compliments and offering to teach her French and she said "I'm married" and he said "Well, so am I!" Gregg hated it and didn't want to go back to that stand. Since we have a sick habit of looking at the missed connections and laughing at the really earnest/gross ones I made a craigslist missed connection for his benefit and sent him the link and said "Do you think this guy is talking about Simone?" I didn't fool him (he called it funny but sick) but someone else DID respond and sent me this:
I love crepes.I am not the person you are thinking of but, after reading aboutHAHAHA!!
the special ingredient you put in crepes to bring women back for some more, now
I want some.I will also take the free French lessons. In return I can teach you
Russian.So, maybe I will see you and your crepes on Thursday.
In closing, here are some pics of Neil Hamburger on the hamburger bed. It just went for $3,000 on ebay but if you ask me they should've just given it to him.
Wednesday, July 22, 2009
Monday, July 20, 2009
I just got a new mp3 player. I just get cheap mp3 players now because I really don't like pulling iPods out of the dryer, which was happening a lot. Now I just pull cheap mp3 players out of the dryer. I've had several Sansas and iPod shuffles and this one is made by Walkman which is kind of surreal just cause it makes me think of all the tape playing Walkmans I had. I had to give it a name when I synced it so I named it Red Walkman of Radness. How long till this one will be the Washed and Dried Walkman of Deadness? Now I can listen to stuff again during my stupid-long commute. I was getting a lot of reading done there for awhile but that's done till I wash my walkman.
I kind of want this creepy Father and Son Manual of Hygiene.
Thursday, July 16, 2009
Wednesday, July 15, 2009
“Human love has little regard for the truth. It makes the truth relative, since nothing, not even the truth, must come between it and the beloved person.”- Dietrich BonhoefferI used to think this quote was kind of saying that God's love is different from "human love" and maybe that is what it's saying. But I saw it in a different way today, that maybe love is love. Because I've been thinking recently that what this quote is basically saying is so true with even biblical love. There are people who really want to explain and explain how their view is right and anyone who doesn't agree is wrong. The way they do it is not any kind of invitation to relationship and there is no sense of "I've said what I think, now what do you think? Your opinion is valid because it comes from your experience and you are a human being who deserves to be listened to. And besides that, maybe I'm wrong anyway and so I'm not threatened by listening to you." When there's no sense of that at all, I think love doesn't exist. Logic is comforting and love and vulnerability are scary, that is for sure. It sucks that we are so self-protective (myself included) that our relationships are sacrificed because we have no room for others. I talked about this in therapy today, more to come on that probably since it always bubbles up as much as I'd like it to not sometimes.
Someone named Candid Wanderer left a lengthy comment at my SCCL Carrie Prejean post. I responded and said it would be nice for the gay community to weigh in on the Candid Wanderer's thoughts. So if any gays are up to it, here it is.
This is my new favorite picture. Hammerhead used to say this all the time.
Tuesday, July 14, 2009
Saturday, July 11, 2009
Here is Bobby's rendering of Jesus telling someone to knock it off.
I'll post them as Bobby makes them. Yips! Some great ones he's done have been lost in hard drive crashes. He did one of a prostitute talking to someone in a TransAm and another one of Ellen DeGeneres crying about a dog. Hey, stop that!
Supergrass has always gotten a lot of Beatles comparisons but this is the only Beatles cover I've heard them do (oh wait, besides Daytripper in 1997) and with both of the songs it's almost eerie, for me, the similarity. I think it's as if they are what the Beatles would sound like if they were from our generation.
It's been a year since Simone and Kate and I embarked on our Supergrass summer, Simone and I saw them in Seattle, Portland, & LA, then Kate & I saw them in NJ and we all saw them in NYC. Here is the blog entry with pictures from that. Sigh.
Friday, July 10, 2009
On these 'Christian alternatives' to MySpace and Facebook:
Wow! There's so many. I love "holypal" and "mypraize"! I'm sure you could infiltrate those sights and raize some holy(pal) hell!On the show Cake Boss, which is the only show all of us in our family like equally:
I've never heard of Cake Boss. It sounds fun and amazing. I'll sent my fazers to stun and record it tonight. I'm frothing at the mouth with television scheduling anxiety.On his beard:
In other news, I'm growing a beard. I feel like I've been inducted into some beard society at work. I liken it to the brotherhood bald men must engage in. I find that when I come into work, my bearded brethren want to check in with me and the progress of my growth. I must investigate further and see if I can't infiltrate the layers of this beard cult.On...I don't know, duvets:
I know someone who looks like a cross between Seth Meyers (from SNL) and Andy Dick (from Andy Dick). He works for Pottery Barn Kids and I often use him to get me discounts on their merchandise. Really! I got a killer sailboat duvet that's on my bed right now.On commuting:
I was on a super crowded train this morning and was looking at all the people smashed into me and thought to myself, "All these people resulted from a night of passion."
Wednesday, July 8, 2009
Maya Angelou Sets Down Her Harp to Strangle a Passing Gazelle
“Philosophers should be the kings I perchance to think,”
Aristotle said when he was not yet dead yet
hardly bated the fate of States or startled the status quo, mate
Poets samewise should be the cover models
Their wisened visages gracing the covers of even Vogue and Vanity Fair
sans the vanity
The sans of time through hourglass-less bodies
Ill-filled Bikinis beckoning not lustful stares but varicose stairclimbs of knowledge
and unequivocable equality
Wrinkles welcome (but for a wrinkle in time!)
O Woman I shall regard and desire you
You with your supple words
Your buxom line breaks
That sweet untapped assonance
Your punctuated pique-through titling, breasts heaving
- David Drury
i'd like to know where jeff tweedy lives that he can spend just $3.63 on diet coca-cola and unlit cigarettes
Maybe that's all I better write about therapy today.
I really love this Steve Martin MJ tribute.
Tuesday, July 7, 2009
Friday, July 3, 2009
"Okay guys, one more thing, this summer when you're being inundated with all this American bicentennial Fourth Of July brouhaha, don't forget what you're celebrating, and that's the fact that a bunch of slave-owning, aristocratic white males didn't want to pay their taxes."
Thursday, July 2, 2009
Wednesday, July 1, 2009
Have you ever:
Been pleasantly surprised by someone's delightful status updates when you didn't know they had it in them
Had a Facebook-centric nightmare
Had someone tell you he was un-friending you on Facebook because his wife wanted him to
Farted in fb's general direction
Flipped off someone's status update
Entertained the idea of just deleting your Facebook account
Rekindled a friendship with a high school person you'd written off because you thought they were judgemental and found out on Facebook that wasn't the case
Accepted everyone who requests you as a friend
Had someone tell you they abhor your "flagrant touting of an evil man" (Obama) on Facebook?
Unfriended someone you already had a strained relationship with because their annoying profile picture was the last straw?
Unfriended someone because their status messages were too boring?
Made a passive-aggressive status message with the intent of catching the attention of one particular person, but not admitting it
Had people talk to you in person about your status updates (because they are awesome)
Unfriended someone because they posted thing supporting "Yes on 8"
Unfriended a-sort-of-friend you'd already accepted as a friend because they became a "fan" of Old Navy
Added people that you later forgot why you added them ("Who is that again?")
Witnessed nasty replies to you that were taken back down within 5 minutes
Tried to add people who shockingly never confirm you, which is baffling and raises distress levels over what you might have done to them
Been told by your spouse that your replies to everyone elses posts are abundant and hilarious (your A material) but that your replies to their posts are non-existent
Been witness to picture posts which greatly undermine your admiration for your friends
Been witness to picture posts which greatly bolster your admiration for your friends
Felt exactly like you were in junior high again because of something that went wrong on Facebook
Tuesday, June 30, 2009
Monday, June 29, 2009
so umm. can you not write stuff of that "extremity" on my wall. i personally don't care and you can send me whatever messages you want but not all of my 600+ "friends" and relatives share/understand/appreciate your brand of humor. you are too edgy and out of the box for some of them. thanks for understanding (assuming you do).And I had been trying to tone it down and keep it safe. Am I really that strange to people? Calling therapist...
Also, my latest eBay score came today, saving what was a borderline bad day and neatly turning it right around. I had to take a picture of them mainly for Ryan's sake. If you feel like being jealous that's okay too.
Ooh and Pinky Links wrote about me and Jona and Steven! They're so nice!
I found these clips of Neil Hamburger on Tim & Eric's Awesome Show Great Job! and I love them so so much.
Gregg and Simone and JP and I all like to send each other disturbing non-traditional craigslist personals. Enjoy/be traumatized at your own risk.
"I sometimes do a similar, though much more passive stunt, involving jukeboxes. For example, last weekend Jon and I were in Des Moines for his cousin's wedding, which was hella fun and shit. One night we got to go out to this dive bar, well, dive by Iowa standards, if that means anything to you. We had a lot of fun and the people watching was prime...but there were still a bunch of dudes and assholes unified in the classic rock (which I like) block on the jukebox. My stunt: I take ten dollars, and pick 25 songs that are so not going to please the crowd. I didn't get to hear my whole set but right after Black Sabbath and Sammy Haggard came AC/DC's "You Want Blood" with everyone rocking with their hands in the air until my B-52s, Tori Amos, Alanis Morrisette (sp?), Erasure, etc., set took the air out of the room. And I don't pick the favorites, I pick the ones that are totally unfamiliar so even if you like the artist (which they didn't seem to) you wouldn't like/know the song. People did not seem pleased. OR, you can also keep picking the same annoying song over and over and over. I did this once in New York with "Sunglasses at Night" which people liked but for a moment. Then, no more likey."
"I saw a shirt that said, "It won't suck itself," which was gross AND true. "It won't suck itself," I thought to myself. You, or your shirt rather, is correct Sir. "
"I told Jon that this week all the MJ dirt will come out. Now that we've all gotten over the shock, I hope we start hearing some more creepy shit about his life. Why do I love it so? Debbie Rowe, MJ's second wife, says that MJ's kids are not biologically his. REALLY? Duh. They're so not black. But I like that she can admit that now. Poor kids. I hope they can finally live their lives sans feathered Marti Gras masks.
I've been making the following MJ jokes to friends, some of whom think they are funny:
"Now, where will Michael's children get their Jesus juice?"
"How will the sculptor of bronze-cast children support himself?" (MJ had lots of children cast in bronze for his sculpture garden...sadly, not real children.)
"Who's going to get all those delicate, bejeweled blouses?"
"Will the stigma of collecting Shirley Temple memorabilia still be creepy?"
"Budding child stars can't molest themselves, can they?"
Please feel free to add on."
Sunday, June 28, 2009
Tonight my lover-ly friend Edna had a spa baby shower (for her 5th baby!) and we had pedicures and massages and sang karaoke. I sang Baby Got Back with Sheree and I don't mean to brag but...we did not need the teleprompter at all, that's right. Then I sang I'll Make Love To You by Boyz II Men and all I have to say about that is, I can clear a room.
Saturday, June 27, 2009
Lolly is so mad at me right now for making her the sandwich she asked for. I'm not caving and giving her ice cream like she's asking for and she's been throwing a tantrum for about 3 hours now. Stand. Strong.