Thursday, April 30, 2009

i think i'm feeling a little angsty cause i like these quotes today

"The music business is a cruel and shallow money trench, a long plastic hallway where thieves and pimps run free, and good men die like dogs. There's also a negative side." - Hunter S. Thompson

"Boring damned people. All over the earth. Propagating more boring damned people. What a horror show. The earth swarmed with them." - Charles Bukowski

"Christ, I was happy. But for the first time in my life I was happy with the full consciousness of being happy. It's good to be just plain happy; it's a little better to know that you're happy; but to understand that you're happy and to know why and how, in what way, because of what concatenation of events or circumstances, and still be happy.. well, that is beyond happiness, that is bliss, and if you have any sense you ought to kill yourself on the spot and be done with it." - Henry Miller

Wednesday, April 29, 2009

the body snake

Wait for the foot scrubber part.

the sacredness of questioning everything

Laura said this about these quotes from this book. The quotes and her thoughts on them both really resonated with me.

The summons to sacred questioning--like the call to honesty, like the call to prayer--is a call to be true and to let the chips fall where they may. This call to worship is deeper than the call to sign off on a checklist of particular tenets or beliefs. It is also more difficult.
Laura said: "One of the things I like about it is that it doesn't just point fingers at those fundamentalist types we're all so happy to bash for their unquestioning faith. He very aptly points out how this applies to all of us."

To keep it all simple and safe, we often become selective fundamentalists. We know where to go to have our prejudices explained as just and sensible, our convictions strengthened, our group or political party reaffirmed.

Laura said "Guilty as charged." I too.

Tuesday, April 28, 2009

darkness warshed over the dude

It makes me sad that this person said these things about Dave Bazan and his journey in his faith and said that his current way of thinking is "just stupid; and what's more, it's not true." And it makes me sad that this person said that Trent Reznor is not a Christian in any way, shape or form. We don't know people's hearts.

music industry, cynicism, arrogance & disney incidents

Dick Dale, Radiohead & Frank Zappa talking about why the record industry is so terrible. I don't know much about the record industry whatsoever so this was innaresting.

My friend Trevor was talking about cynicism and arrogance here and how they intersect. I left some comments and his friend Brendan said some stuff too. I really like finding people who want to talk about this stuff.

Are you interested in incidents at Disney parks? So am I.

Monday, April 27, 2009

lolly international version

My daughter was just "reading" the Bible. She held it upside down and turned a page between every sentence. I typed what she was saying as she said it.

"Marge was finking about some glasses and a ring. And Homer was finking about beer. Lisa was finking about playing. Bart was finking about resting. So Marge went off to the store to get some glasses and a ring. And Homer got beer. Lisa goed to her room. And Maggie was playing. And Marge came back from the store. Homer was just finking about beer. And then everyone did what they should do when they were finking."

When people ask me what I did over the weekend I can never, ever remember and it has nothing to do with drinking. I just don't remember unless I think hard. I do remember that on Saturday we took the ferry to Kingston to get ice cream. Yesterday: church, where we heard a sermon that was touching and encouraging and I am still excited by it (here is the link), then happy naptime, then I wrassled (not exactly wrestled) the inner turmoil that makes a regular appearance on Sunday nights. Does anyone else have that?

Here's a clip from the Ted Haggard documentary. I have so much to say I don't have anything to say.

I found this at PinkyLinks, Jon Stewart talking about the tea parties.

"I think you might be confusing tyranny with losing. And I feel for you, because I’ve been there. A few times. In fact, one of them was a bit of a nail-biter. But see, when the guy that you disagree with gets elected, he’s probably going to do things you disagree with. He could cut taxes on the wealthy, remove government’s oversight capability, invade a country that you thought should not be invaded, but that’s not tyranny. That’s democracy. See, now you’re in the minority. It’s supposed to taste like a shit taco.” -Jon Stewart, responding to Conservatives attending tea parties and accusing the Obama administration of going against the “will of the people”

Sunday, April 26, 2009

Saturday, April 25, 2009

mein kampf: me vs. this american life

People have told me that I would love This American Life and I've tried to listen to it, I have. Maybe I've just heard the wrong episodes but I haven't liked it yet. In fact I sorta downright hate it. But I'm willing to learn. I want to be wrong about this. Jona and I had this conversation today on a facebook photo I posted of Lauren's apartment.

Jona: (probably prompted by seeing Lauren's bookshelves) I think I love her.

Me: Yeah you'd love her! She has a masters in creative writing would just really like her.

Jona: I know I know! It's got nothing to do with her degree! She has a degree in my heart because we both love Ira Glass. That's really all it takes. Plus her status updates make me shoot liquids out of my mouth if I'm drinking when I read them.

Me: Ugh. Ira Glass.

Jona: You're dead to me.

Me: Seriously, why do all these people I love and share every other interest with love This American Life so much? I've listened to like nine episodes in hopes I'll eventually like it too but I am continually discouraged instead of inspired by it. Is my soul made out of tar or something? But I love cupcakes and bunny rabbits and Dan Savage!

Jona: Maybe if they did a story about you on TAL you would be able to figure out what's wrong with you...because there is definitely something wrong with you...I can't believe you don't GET IT!!! Maybe if you watched the dvds??


(At this point Jason jumped in -)

Jason: Ira Glass and TAL has taught me all about the mundane intricacies of the upper middle class white person. And Sarah Vowell. And Jonathan Goldstein (have you heard This Canadian Life? It's called Wiretap). And that other guy, and David Sedaris. Roll the dice, one of them is on next week's episode. It's about teens in Chicago who are still on MySpace. Oh, and how did David's picture lead to this Facefight?

Me: Okay. I will persevere. I love you guys too much to just write off TAL.

Friday, April 24, 2009

Thursday, April 23, 2009

david dark. my jaw is on the floor.

I've been listening to some workshops from the Calvin FFM this year. I'm listening to David Dark's "Survival of the Freshest" right now and my heart is beating so fast. I feel so excited and happy, this guy is saying things I've been thinking about for awhile now and haven't been able to find too many other people who are on this page and I just want to scream. I'm so glad to be hearing this. I'm going to read all his books now. Davy was reading one of his books about a year ago and I tried to read it but it was over my head. But I'm going to try again. This is making me so happy I have tears in my eyes. Thank you, David Dark. Thank you thank you thank you. mwah

(The podcasts are here.)

Tuesday, April 21, 2009

david review

I sometimes do things like look at amazon to see if any reviews mention my husband because I am a stage wife and a nerd, but I found this one last night, and it made me glad to read. I met D by reading something he wrote and it makes me happy when other people have a visceral response to his writing like I did.

Review for The Best American Non-Required Reading of 2003.

99% Waste; 1% epiphany, February 7, 2009
By M. Arbo (boston ma.)

Lured by the Title and the name 'Dave Eggers', I borrowed the audio version of this from my local library. 'Just by chance' I listened first to the story "Things we knew when the house caught fire" by David Drury.
At the end of the 37 minutes, my friend's and my jaws were on the floor.
A truly astounding work. Transcendent. I then attempted to listen to all the other pieces. Yeeeeeech; complete waste of time. For the life of me, would like to know the backstory of this occurrence; how did this come to be?
Cutting to the chase, you decide. Buy a used copy just for the one 'story of a lifetime' and share it with all you know; what a gift it is.

Monday, April 20, 2009

the case against homeschooling

Exhibit A. This girl is like every homeschooler I ever met at camp or taught piano lessons to or was in my cabin when I was a counselor.

Sunday, April 19, 2009

things i like today

Exhibit 1: Roll-on robot vintage video clip

(from the Prelinger Archives)

Exhibit 2: BBC's Outnumbered.
" goats."

Exhibit 3: Onion article on how Lowe's paint aisle best place to have breakdown.

Exhibit 4: Loft life!

And finally, exhibit 5: Carrie found Joan's pen necklace! And she bought it, and I'm jealous.

Saturday, April 18, 2009

really nice email

I got this yesterday from someone I don't know but it makes me glad.

I read your entire blog today and wrote to my friend just now:
"It was actually... lately, I've been finding articulation difficult, and in response swelling up around me are waves of people articulating vague yet strong tensions I feel, and her writing did that.
Because I find myself toeing the edge of Christianity. I kept pulling back and also feeling guilty. I would ask myself, "Why you draw back? Why do you leave church feeling desolated?"
I kept feeling accused that I didn't believe in the essence of the faith but it's the culture that is so repellent, and I resist joining that culture... but I also felt like I was crazy and imagining a culture that didn't exist... that if you truly followed the faith, you would just become like this.
But she blatantly put out there what I'd been vaguely resisting.
There is a Christian culture that has nothing to do with the faith. So basically I felt affirmed."

Thank you for writing this!

Monday, April 13, 2009


ham of god

i've been reading too much pioneer woman, i take pictures of food i make

J put jelly beans in my coffee, no wonder it was so sweet

My counselor aka TheRapist talks about this notion to live in the tension and not brush everything into a more comfortable zone all the time, but to let myself feel what I'm sad about and scared of. It's kinda nuts but she says it's the only way to be fully human. I feel like I'm on heightened awareness the past three years since I've been seeing Mrs. TheRapist and even more so over Lent this year. It's almost like I have neurons again, or maybe I didn't ever even have them before, but I feel things strongly. I've always inferred that feeling so strongly isn't good, unless my emotion is happy joyful emotion, and even that isn't good if it's too intense, that feeling that people aren't invested if you aren't contained and palatable. It's easy for me to feel like a burden and my emotions feel like burdens. But in counseling they tell you the opposite and this season o' Lenten reflection made me feel it even more and my penance is the inconvenience of heightened emotions, good and bad ones. But I think it's such a waste to be numb. I laugh probably too much and I cry probably too much and I empathize which gets painful but what else are we here for, you know. I cried on the way to church yesterday thinking about the meaning of Easter and totally wept when Phil and Tori and their mom and JJ played Vivaldi's "Spring" in church, it's the most incredibly beautiful thing I'd ever heard and it was right there in front of me, and I was laughing at how I was trying to say "What are you talking about Willis?" as white and stuffy as I could to annoy David and I was laughing till I was in pain and he was too but not from laughing, and when my feelings are hurt I can crumble like a Cadbury Flake and on Sunday I cried with Tressa and Vanessa when we were having lady chat about being working moms and how so much is on your plate and balance is never achieved, but that right there is living in the tension. I'm so glad to have people who know about the tension and who are willing to step into it so I can see from them that doing it myself won't kill me. It will make things more complicated and it will make things more beautiful and I think that it's worth it, so okay. Now I'd like to hurry up and post a flippant youtube video or something to soften this heavy emotional entry here but maybe I should sit in the tension and realize that being serious every once in awhile isn't the worst thing in the world.

dig if you will the picture

From Ryan:

"I just saw this person in a wheel chair 'walking' their dog in a cone. I fumbled around to find my camera and take a picture...just for you."

From Jamie - a cake her husband Josh made that is Jesus emerging from the seven layers of hell. Their pastor said it tasted like hell, but he'd eat some more.

Saturday, April 11, 2009

will you be here tomorrow?

Here is the best workplace safety video ever. Ever. Simone sent it to me.

There are a whole bunch of Eastery facebook status updates from my Christian friends that are all HE IS RISEN! and that's cool and all, but I don't feel like saying something like that in my status because it's almost like a serious and private thing to me. Not that it's not meaningful to those people but I actually don't feel comfortable trying to even really acknowledge my feelings about Easter in my status because I feel like I'd cheapen it or make it trite somehow. I don't want to be judgmental of the people who choose to put that in their status. I just have a visceral reaction to it because a lot of bad things in my life came from people who did that sort of thing, the flagrant announcement of such.

So anyway, it's Easter. Mazel tov!

Thursday, April 9, 2009

quotable quotes

More quotes I've been keeping in a Google document...might as well put them here to share them.

"To whom it may concer: it is Springtime. It is late afternoon." Kurt Vonnegut

"An honest religious thinker is like a tightrope walker. He almost looks as though he were walking on nothing but air. His support is the slenderest imaginable. And yet it really is possible to walk on it." Ludwig Wittgenstein

"Honesty, such a waste of energy... You don't have to lie to me, just give me some tenderness beneath your honesty." Paul Simon

"...honest doubt is worth more than feigned belief." Bishop Alan Wilson

“Never offend people with style when you can offend them with substance.” Sam Brown

"Few are those who see with their own eyes and feel with their own hearts." Albert Einstein

"Let us not underestimate the privileges of the mediocre. As one climbs higher, life becomes ever harder; the coldness increases, responsibility increases." Friedrich Nietzsche

"Learn to labor and wait." Longfellow

"To be sensual, I think, is to respect and rejoice in the force of life, of life itself, and to be present in all that one does, from the effort of loving to the making of bread." James Baldwin

"Fear less, hope more;
Eat less, chew more;
Whine less, breathe more;
Talk less, say more;
Hate less, love more;
And all good things are yours." Swedish proverb

"Zen does not confuse spirituality with thinking about God while one is peeling potatoes. Zen spirituality is just to peel the potatoes." Alan Watts

"What makes the engine go?
Desire, desire, desire." Stanley Kunitz

"The greatest discovery of my generation is that a human being can alter his life by altering his attitudes of mind." William James

"We continue to shape our personality all our life. If we knew ourselves perfectly, we should die." Albert Camus

"The pitcher has got only a ball. I've got a bat. So the percentage in weapons is in my favor and I let the fellow with the ball do the fretting." Hank Aaron

"There's nothing that cleanses the soul like getting the hell kicked out of you." Woody Hayes

"I can truly say of everything I have ever tasted in this world of God's mercy - and my path has been remarkably strewn with divine loving kindness - I feel more grateful to God for the bodily pain I have suffered, and for all the trials I have endured of various sorts, than I do for anything else except the gift of His dear Son. I am sure that I have derived more real benefit, permanent strength, growth in grace, and every precious thing from the furnace of affliction than I have ever derived from prosperity." - Charles Haddon Spurgeon

"Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our reponse lies our growth and our freedom." Viktor Frankl

"You desire to know the art of living, my friend? It is contained in one phrase: Make use of suffering." Henri-Frederic Amiel

"I say to the moment: Stay now! You are so Beautiful!" - Goethe

Wednesday, April 8, 2009


daisies R picked for me

carkeek park


living room


my lisa loeb glasses, and me being a gaywad

cherry blossoms

my running hat

Tuesday, April 7, 2009

big boy

My friend...MONA...not her real name...sent me this email yesterday, from her distingushed office. Seriously, her job is not sketchy, it's a totally professional office. She emailed me this:

From: Mona
To: Stephanie
Guess what's on the floor of our bathroom?

From: Stephanie
To: Mona

From: Mona
To: Stephanie
No but I think I will...just for you!

From: Stephanie
To: Mona
It's still there?!?!?!?! My brain is poinging around in my skull with delight and horror!!!!!

From: Mona
To: Stephanie
Regret to inform, the turd is gone. I have NO idea who removed it though!! I was all set to go take a picture of it (I have my camera here today) but then Angela updated me. She did not know I would be documenting it. I think that would freak her out. But I went to the bathroom and there's a little smudge on the floor where it was!

I mean, this goes without saying, but...
HIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIDY HO! You all smell like fresh flowers!

Monday, April 6, 2009

Saturday, April 4, 2009

mars hill church abuse

Here is a site for people with accounts of abuse at Mars Hill Church in Seattle. I'm concerned about this on many levels but I guess my biggest concern with this is the unrepentant spirit that is behind the system at Mars Hill, and how people still feel compelled to continue to attend. I identify with this thinking - I have been in a bad situation like this before and at the time no one could have talked me out of it. Now that it's behind me my heart really goes out to the people in these situations.

the bruno trailer!

I've been waiting for this for forever! Not suitable for work, or kids, or for decency in general.

cupcakes and small objects

I love Trophy Cupcakes way more than Cupcake Royale so I was looking at citysearch about what people have that's good to say about Cupcake Royale, and the comments on Trophy's were so funny. A lot of people were upset about the rude service they got. I've never gotten especially polite service there but that place is always so busy and I'd probably be in a bad mood if I worked there too. I really don't like it when people need their asses kissed by waitstaff or any customer service. I wrote my own review which is as follows -

Amazing amazing amazing!
March 16, 2009

I have dreams about these cupcakes. When they first opened I went up to Jennifer Shea and rambled like a nutcase on how insanely good everything was. It's just my favorite. I'd pay $10 for one of these cupcakes. The service people are all bitches but I don't care because they hand over cupcakes.

* Pros: Their flavors
* Cons: Unfriendly service, but I don't mind

Also, I'm so charmed by this small object site.

I really like this Lady Gaga song. She's sorta Freddie Mercury here.

Also for your consideration is this Carrie Bradshaw necklace – I would like one that said 'pants.' See also: a Be Nice Or Leave pillow. Smith Tower bird’s eye view. Movie written by Dave Eggers & Vendela Vida - I hope it's good. I like them so much.

OMG a hamburger bed!


...and a Hello Kitty cake

and cake lollipops too. So cute I can't stand it.


Friday, April 3, 2009

things i like today

FNM covering Portishead!

Hamster in a wok!

William Shatner is eating pudding and rather creepily at that.

This blog has the (subjectively) best questions submitted to the White House site.

The 10 biggest intellectual fights of all time
, kinda interesting.

Life Magazine gallery of rock star weddings.

Wednesday, April 1, 2009

slanket vs. snuggie vs. freedom blanket vs. blankoat

This is like Consumer Reports for the sleeved blanket industry! But I think I might go with the Slanket mainly because I like to say Slanket.

Don't click on this if you don't want to see Arnold Schwarzenegger saying "eeuauaughhhuauaahh."

mars hill and why i don't go there, epilogue

I know there are Mars Hill supporters who read my blog sometimes, and they still don't seem to understand why I have a problem with that church, so I want to post this as some food for thought. I got this email today from a mental health counselor and a survivor of spiritual abuse, who said this about Mars Hill church in Seattle:

I perceive many signs of cult like control/spiritual abuse: Controlling Pastor/ with “Yes Men” Elders; No Talk Rule; No Dissent; Emphasis on Submission/Obedience; Shunning of "Unrepentant" Former Members; Dis-fellowshipping Questioners/Critical Thinkers; By Laws Removing Accountability of Pastor/Elders; Mind/Thought Control; Membership Covenant and Financial Giving Pledge Required; "Biblical" Counseling Only, if Referred Out, Must Sign Release Form (no confidentiality allowed); Kangaroo Court Firing of Two Elders Who Dared to Question; Extreme Gender Role Enforcement; Members Must Attend Accountability/”Community” Groups… Scary!

I would love to connect with other Former Mars Hill Attenders/Members.

If anyone is interested, the offer's here if you want to connect. My experience with spiritual abuse was crippling and I have a big heart for others to heal. It's been difficult and yet amazing.