Monday, March 31, 2008

selena es muerte

OMG the best Selena tribute ever right here. I remember when she died, I was in college but I hadn't heard of her before. All the Mexicans wrote "Selena Forever" on their cars with shoe polish.

I just took the Meyers-Briggs test again cause I couldn't remember exactly what I was the last time I took it. Today I am an ENFJ. I love quizzes. But the test results didn't pick up on that.

Sunday, March 30, 2008


The outfits and choreography are killing me!! I guess some random person shot this in the Wichita airport. I love it i love it i love it.

Saturday, March 29, 2008

snowy day


Yesterday was great. It snowed! And I went to my son's parent-teacher conference where she said wonderful things. There's nothing better than that. Then I made chinese chicken salad that effin KICKS ASS. (The recipe is from Shari, who shares an office with me and is one of those rare kinds of people that everyone should be lucky enough to work with.) Then I took a nap. Then David and I went to see 21 with twelve people he works with. The movie was terrible but watching it with them was super fun. They bought whoppers, chewy sprees, sour patch kids peanut m&ms, red vines, starburst jelly beans and two tubs of greasy fantastical movie popcorn and said hilarious stuff the whole way through. But that movie blows huge monkey ass. Don't go see it unless you had ten dollars you were going to tear up and throw away anyway.

There was one moment that stands out but it won't translate into print very well. But I'll try to tell it anyway. I was driving in the snow, and it was the kind of snow that doesn't stick so it wasn't scary to be driving in it, and I put on Valley Winter Song by Fountains of Wayne and it was so pretty and perfect, it goes "the snow is coming down in our New England town and it's been falling all day long. What else is new, what can I do?but sing this valley winter song I wrote for you." Anyway, that was really nice. I loved it. Sorry if it didn't translate over but I thought I'd try.

My friend Joey works at KXLU in LA and he's going to play my latest mix cd on Tuesday morning. I said "not the whole thing?" and he said yes the whole thing. Then he asked what DJ name he should give and I said DJ Oprah's Bowel Movements. It's catchy. I think he's going to go with DJ Skirt Steak though.

In Buffalo Exchange yesterday I was about to leave without getting anything. The super excitable guy working the dressing room said "oh honey, don't be grumpy. You know what you need to do? You need to get back on that horse!"

I loved this news story. I love Bruno and I can't wait for the movie. I guess they're filming in Kansas right now because these papers in Kansas said that a "European man" was "putting security on red alert" by "stripping down to tight shorts and dancing in the lobby of Wichita Airport." BAHAHAHAHAHAAAA!! Here is my all-time favorite Bruno clip, when he visited Alabama.

This one's for Simone.

Wednesday, March 26, 2008

american accent quiz results

What American accent do you have?
Your Result: The South

That's a Southern accent you've got there. You may love it, you may hate it, you may swear you don't have it, but whatever the case, we can hear it.

The Midland
The West
The Inland North
The Northeast
North Central
What American accent do you have?
Quiz Created on GoToQuiz

Your 83% smarter than Jerry Springer Guests!!

Okay, not bad. You would not end up on TV with Leno if they were asking you questions...probably. You need a little brush up but not bad at all. Good Job!

Are you a smart or stupid American?
Create a Quiz

Monday, March 24, 2008

dancing walrus!!

Nuh-uh! A dancing walrus!

Easter was hard for me this year, I had a bad feeling all day about easter in general because I'm so sad about my family being how it is. I feel so disconnected no matter how hard I've tried. I reconciled yesterday with having an angry easter and reminded myself (at times, tried to convince myself) that it's perfectly okay. It's a real struggle though. Then today my dear friend Julie told me "lent and easter have a real beauty to them but God encourages us to rage and mourn and easter shouldn't get in the way of it."

It was good to hear that because I've been learning that rage and mourning have a beauty to them too. Even though people tell children damaging things like "don't be upset" and "have a happy heart." Saying this to kids and saying it to yourself (which I'm guilty of) marginalizes feelings that are valid. It's not fun to have bad feelings but it's just fine. I'm teaching myself and my kids that as well. All while trying to give myself a ton of grace. It's not instinctive.

Saturday, March 22, 2008

photo op

Yesterday we went to the Henry and then to the UW library. (the castle liberry, as Judah called it.) He said it was the best day of his life.



Later I made noodles from scratch. The egg in the flour looked so rad I took a picture.


Then after kneading I took another.


After rolling it out I made layers with grated pecorino. More photodocumentation.


They're so super good I want to make them every day, ten times a day. (finished product for the kids, sans vegetables or anything that would keep them from eating it. I'll work those in next time.)


Today I started painting a cherry blossom tree on Lolly's wall. Here's what I've done so far, it's only about a quarter of the way done.



Easter is here, strange to have it in March. Easter is meaningful to me and also difficult for me. At least we get ham and candy.

"See, only a chocolate Jesus
Can satisfy my soul." -Tom Waits

Thursday, March 20, 2008

rule #1: you can never go too far

Rule #2: if I'm gonna get busted, it's not gonna be by a guy like THAT.

That's my paraphrase of Ferris Bueller on going too far. Cause maybe South Park went too far last night with the Britney thing. It's not funny at all. So why am I laughing?

Wednesday, March 19, 2008

Tuesday, March 18, 2008



David's band finished their new album last week but they just got a call from the cd duplicator guy and he said "I'm not going to print your cds because they have boobs on them." Phil said "But every cd looks like a boob. So you print boobs all day long, and the fact that you won't print ours just really makes me laugh."

Here is the objectionable art, done by our friend Dawn. It's like a juxtaposition of racks. (It's the only size I could get the pic in.)


Monday, March 17, 2008

shalom shattered

My TheRapist co-wrote this book and I was reading this part just now. I wish God, if he's real, would give us an easy answer but there's still hope in what this says. I want to marinate in this bit for a little while.

"God uses our tragedies to teach us about himself. How will we know of God's power unless we see him redeem our tragedies? How will we know of his suffering on our behalf unless we enter into our own suffering? ... When we are satisfied, we easily forget our dependence on God. He uses tragedy to call us back to himself. Tragedy compels our attention in a way shalom never could. Only our hope for healing and redemption are sufficient reasons to face the tiger. It's useless to remain in the broken boat. And nothing was ever discovered by those who refused to wade ashore. ... Tragedies lead us to places where we feel powerless, betrayed and ambivalent, places where we become the orphan, the stranger and the widow. ... We long to see the Father's face, hear his blessing, and feel the warmth of his protection of and his delight in us. We long for him to tell us who we are and what we were uniquely made to do. In the absence of this, the weeds of despair and apathy grow. ... One of the most troublesome of God's characteristics is that he rarely takes away the messes of our lives. God redeems through harm, not from harm. Be aware of when you try to cover anger with trite aphorisms. We sacrifice both our integrity and an opportunity for growth when we avoid suffering with cloying platitudes like "Just trust God." "Time heals all wounds," and "It will all work out in the end." Allow yourself to sit in the grief and the pain and to hope for the day when God's presence with you in your tragedy becomes clear. He can withstand both your grief and your anger. Wrestle with him as Jacob did. You will always walk away with a limp and a blessing." - from the To Be Told, workbook by Dan Allender and Lisa K. Fann

I'm not a fan of sitting in the grief and pain, I'd rather watch this Supergrass cover of "Beat It." There's fire in their eyes and their words are very clear.

Saturday, March 15, 2008

woo pig sooie

I had an onslaught of memories of home tonight - it's march madness and back home that is a big. Damn. Deal. At UA we went to all the basketball games and when we won the Final Four you would have thought everyone in town had just been awarded ten thousand dollars with how excited they got. I actually couldn't sleep that night cause the whole town was so noisy. So tonight my Arkansas Razorbacks beat the Tennessee Volunteers (who are the devil) and the last minute was so tense and crazy with near misses and three-pointers and I actually have endorphins from it. Sometimes I give myself the creeps. Here's some game highlights. Who cares? ME, say my endorphins. (It's weird how when I lived in Arkansas, UA to me meant University of Arkansas, and now because of my job UA means urinalysis.)

Another reminder of home tonight were these pictures from my dear friend Gina. This is what baby showers look like in North Carolina.




OMG this video had me DYING. (This is NOT from the south. Not at all.) Fast forward to about 20 seconds. It makes me scream with laughter.

I made my March mix and then this cover. I don't have Photoshop, only Paint, is it obvious? So sad. But charming in a rustic way, maybe?


Friday, March 14, 2008

sometimes it's way too hard

Yesterday I was driving back from the airport with the kids and as I was getting on the express lanes in rush hour traffic Lolly decided to climb out of her seatbelt. There was nowhere to pull over so I tried to scare her back to safety and screamed "IF YOU DON'T GET BACK IN YOUR GODDAMN CAR SEAT I'M GOING TO CRASH THIS CAR AND THEN YOU CAN'T GET A HOT DOG AT TARGET!"

It was a low point.

Thursday, March 13, 2008

honesty? is that what you think this is about, dylan?

Have you been watching the Real Housewives of NY? They’re such complete and utter twats. I love it.

This morning Eric Idle was on Adam Carolla and so was Dr. Drew (I love all 3 of those people) and Dr. Drew went “Comedy is an anti-social thing, it’s sort of aggressive, people with trauma histories often use comedy to vent.” Eric Idle: “Certainly.” I think that is very INTERESTING. I am going to think about that.

Then later Drew said “Don’t you wish you had the command over the Queen’s English like the British, don’t you wish you could express yourself like they do?” and Adam went “I feel like the dumbest guy in England sounds twice as smart as our president.” El oh el!

Lately when Lara and I run around the lake, Judah comes along on his razor scooter. It’s super fun. Lara chases him and makes monster noises with complete inhibition, to my great delight.

And here’s some goodness with Dylan & Brenda. God, I don’t remember the acting being this bad.

Tuesday, March 11, 2008

gooey duck

Last night was story group. It was the fifth time we’ve met and we’re starting to get more okay with each other. What stands out to me about last night is how remarkable it is to see men break down and cry. You never see that. Last night I felt like someone was pandering to the group by telling the shiny, happy version of their stories. I felt I wasn’t getting the real them and we had to talk about it because that's how the group works, and it was good because now we can start to get to the real side of that person, rather than the positive-spin-on-everything version. My bullshit detector is super sensitive. My gaydar is not as accurate, but I have a good nose for bullshit. It’s actually a pain in the ass because it would be way easier to be okay with people’s pat answers and shallow stories, but at least it pushes me towards real, actual relationships, or at least the counselors tell me.

Shari just told me about the geoduck. It’s a clam but you say it like “gooey duck.” How. Did. I. Not. Know. About. This???



And here are some things Adam Carolla said this morning-

“I reached my saturation on Dane Cook about 6 months ago, and now I’m going to add John Mayer to that list.”

Teresa: “Do you know what was voted the gayest song?”
Adam: “Rambling Gloryhole Man by Katrina and the AIDS?”

Teresa: “Tests have shown that drugs have been found in the water supply of major cities.”
Adam: “Don’t care. What are we complaining about? Anywhere else in the world you turn on a faucet and feces comes out like soft swirl.”

Teresa: “John Mellencamp was born with a birth defect and wasn’t supposed to survive.”
Adam: “And now we have a bunch of crappy songs about the heartland.”

“Talking to Paula Abdul is like talking to a 3 yr old at a wedding, you know, ‘Go tell the bride she’s very beautiful’ and the kid just starts crying or starts yammering about anything but what you said.”

Here's Paula on Letterman last night, so funny!

Monday, March 10, 2008

10 things

Everyone else is doing this so I will too.

10 things you may not know about me:

1. I was born in Colorado, then lived in Okalahoma, then moved to Arkansas, and then moved to Texas when I was 19. I miss the south every day of my life, but I still love living here.

2. I fall asleep thinking about how excited I am for coffee in the morning.

3. I decided I wanted to marry my husband after I read his children’s novel, but I hadn’t met him in person yet.

4. I hate checking voicemail more than just about anything.

5. I love Jessica Simpson. That's massively lame, but she reminds me of my friends back home.

6. I took piano for 12 years and used to teach lessons in college. I majored in piano performance for a semester until I decided I probably couldn’t make any money with that degree.

7. Hmm.

8. I ran the Austin Marathon my senior year of college, but I didn’t finish. At mile 22 my toes started bleeding through my shoes so I stopped and got on a pickup truck to the finish line.

9. I’m insatiable when it comes to new music and I make a mix cd every month.

10. I don't respect people who can’t explain why they believe what they believe. Same with people who say they will never change their minds on something. I think it’s such a waste of your brain, soul, and your humanity to close yourself off like that just because those things are too uncomfortable to think about. But I admire so much people who are willing to struggle with difficult ideas and be open to changing their minds for the sake of living closer to the truth.

Saturday, March 8, 2008

christian comedian

Check out this idiot if you're bored.

Thursday, March 6, 2008

hammerhead's desk

This story of a Hammerhead shark reminded me of my own personal Hammerhead I used to work with. She was so surreal I used to write down stuff she did. Here are two scenes from Hammerhead Theatre that I wrote down. (All events are true.)

Act One

I need to look up a statistic on a computer that is in HH's corner. It's not her primary computer, and in fact is as much mine as it is hers, but she will not let me touch it when she is around.

Me: HH, I just need to get something off this computer real fast. (Instead of scooting over and letting me do it, HH stops what she's doing and whirls around.)

HH: HUH? What do you need exactly?

Me: Just to look at a screen. (The monitor is off so I turn it on.)

HH: What did you do??? You turned it off!

Me: It's making noise. (I move the mouse to turn off the screensaver.)


Me: It will now that I moved the mouse. (The screen comes up.)

HH: This computer has a BLACK SCREEN TENDENCY. Now what is it that you need?

Me: To find out how many product injuries we had in June.

HH: In the MONTH of June? In the MONTH of June ITSELF??

Act Two

I pick up the phone and am dialing as HH comes in. She stops short 2 inches away from me and stands there while I sit at my desk. I say "Hi Joel, I'm calling about the domestic injury cases." She knows good and well that Joel is in Washington D.C. and it should be obvious this call will take awhile. Still she stands there, looming over me. She's so close I can see her torso move as she breathes. She lifts up her shirt and scratches her belly and the scaly sound is RIGHT in my ear. She stands there for the entire 5 minute phone call. When I finally hang up I say "Did you need something?" and she says "There's cupcakes in the breakroom."

I found these pictures I took of her desk once when she wasn’t there. Sorry I left the flash on. Note family photo in wolf frame.

Hammerhead’s added keyboard buttons.

No need for a caption.

Hammerhead’s books on tape and cds of John Philip Sousa marches.

Note crisis sign and additional wolf calendar.

Wednesday, March 5, 2008

it goes like this, the fourth, the fifth

I'm at my new desk today! It is full of glamour. I'm right by the window and Shari (rad coworker) and Alecia (another rad coworker) sit behind me. We got along great today. Maybe tomorrow everything will hit the fan. I am right by the window which is perking me up like nobody's business. However. I also smell like a tanning bed and it's driving me crazy. So disturbing. Is it my newfound proximity to sunshine? Newfound proximity to the homeless schizophrenics congregating just outside to get their meds? Somebody had better do something around here! (That's a fantastic line from The Room, of which I received three copies for my birthday. You have to see it.)

Did you see American Idol? Quickly: I loved, loved when Danny Noriega said he "turned red like a cute little tomato." I loved when the dreds guy sang Hallelujah. I loved when the child prodigy guy played the Phil Collins song. That Wham song was gayer than an Easter basket. It was almost gayer than Danny Noriega. I liked that the guy with the contrived hair sang that Lionel Ritchie song but he himself...I sort of wanted to beat him in the neck with his left-handed guitar.

Vanpool time!

Monday, March 3, 2008

john & jonathan the goldfish

Why hello there! How was your weekend? David was gone for most of it so I was a single parent and I gotta tell you. Nothing brings me nearly as much joy as those kids do and nothing makes me want to rip my hair out and kick my dog in the butt and maybe wring their little necks quite like those kids do. When they're good they are perfect angels, saying funny and intelligent things and are my litte buddies. When they're naughty I feel like I could lose it. Thankfully I didn't this weekend. I did relegate them to the naughty step a couple times and threaten to not let them get goldfish. I guess that's not so's not like they are super naughty, I guess - they just like to pick at each other and piss each other off. Then when they're buddies they are so adorable and cute and doting on each other. I don't want to interfere too much with either one; they can work it out (life is very short and there's no tiiiiime for fussing and fighting my friend) and they usually do, but while I'm in the other room listening to them bicker it puts me on edge. Then they usually resolve it somehow and with minimal physical violence between then. (I will tolerate a small amount. That is how I roll.) We were really glad to get daddy at the airport yesterday. He brought them books that were a present from Nana and they were absorbed in them all the way home - and neither of them can read (Judah's almost there, though). I'm so glad they're readers like us. It's like a fun family activity we can all do at the same time, but also it's pretty autonomous, you know? So we went to buy them each a goldfish as a prize and Judah named his John and Lolly named hers Jonathan. Except she pronounces it Jah-fin.

Oh, the kids have taken to calling us by our first names a lot. It's pretty funny.

Tonight is my story group and I'm hella nervous. I would rather read a speech in front of a thousand people rather than my painful story in front of seven other people. But then that's the whole point of the group. Have to keep reminding myself of that. Last night I got a call from David's uncle who has gone through a lot of hard stuff and is working through it and healing. He's a big help for me because I can look to someone who is facing their crap and changing for the better. His voicemail was so sweet, it said "I've been thinking about you and your journey and want you to know that we love you and God loves you and he will completely heal you." I got tears in my eyes when I listened to it. I'm gonna save that message forever.

I just got a text from David that says: "Judah made a missing persons poster this morning that said 'Jon lost fish' because he wasn't anywhere to be found in his bowl. But I just took out the filter and Jon was alive and well swimming around inside."