Thursday, March 6, 2008

hammerhead's desk

This story of a Hammerhead shark reminded me of my own personal Hammerhead I used to work with. She was so surreal I used to write down stuff she did. Here are two scenes from Hammerhead Theatre that I wrote down. (All events are true.)

Act One

I need to look up a statistic on a computer that is in HH's corner. It's not her primary computer, and in fact is as much mine as it is hers, but she will not let me touch it when she is around.

Me: HH, I just need to get something off this computer real fast. (Instead of scooting over and letting me do it, HH stops what she's doing and whirls around.)

HH: HUH? What do you need exactly?

Me: Just to look at a screen. (The monitor is off so I turn it on.)

HH: What did you do??? You turned it off!

Me: It's making noise. (I move the mouse to turn off the screensaver.)

HH: IT'LL COME! IT'LL COME!

Me: It will now that I moved the mouse. (The screen comes up.)

HH: This computer has a BLACK SCREEN TENDENCY. Now what is it that you need?

Me: To find out how many product injuries we had in June.

HH: In the MONTH of June? In the MONTH of June ITSELF??

Act Two

I pick up the phone and am dialing as HH comes in. She stops short 2 inches away from me and stands there while I sit at my desk. I say "Hi Joel, I'm calling about the domestic injury cases." She knows good and well that Joel is in Washington D.C. and it should be obvious this call will take awhile. Still she stands there, looming over me. She's so close I can see her torso move as she breathes. She lifts up her shirt and scratches her belly and the scaly sound is RIGHT in my ear. She stands there for the entire 5 minute phone call. When I finally hang up I say "Did you need something?" and she says "There's cupcakes in the breakroom."

I found these pictures I took of her desk once when she wasn’t there. Sorry I left the flash on. Note family photo in wolf frame.
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Hammerhead’s added keyboard buttons.
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No need for a caption.
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Hammerhead’s books on tape and cds of John Philip Sousa marches.
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Note crisis sign and additional wolf calendar.
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3 comments:

Simone said...

I think the cupcake story is my very favourite Hammerhead tale. So great to see these photos to take us into Hammerhead's world.

Shari said...

So am I classified in the same cateogory as Hammerhead because I have a Rosie the Riveter mousepad?

Marissa said...

Wow. Why am I not at all surprised by the wolf calendars? What is it about people who like wolves? They're all a bunch of weirdos.