Tuesday, June 30, 2009
Monday, June 29, 2009
so umm. can you not write stuff of that "extremity" on my wall. i personally don't care and you can send me whatever messages you want but not all of my 600+ "friends" and relatives share/understand/appreciate your brand of humor. you are too edgy and out of the box for some of them. thanks for understanding (assuming you do).And I had been trying to tone it down and keep it safe. Am I really that strange to people? Calling therapist...
Also, my latest eBay score came today, saving what was a borderline bad day and neatly turning it right around. I had to take a picture of them mainly for Ryan's sake. If you feel like being jealous that's okay too.
Ooh and Pinky Links wrote about me and Jona and Steven! They're so nice!
I found these clips of Neil Hamburger on Tim & Eric's Awesome Show Great Job! and I love them so so much.
Gregg and Simone and JP and I all like to send each other disturbing non-traditional craigslist personals. Enjoy/be traumatized at your own risk.
"I sometimes do a similar, though much more passive stunt, involving jukeboxes. For example, last weekend Jon and I were in Des Moines for his cousin's wedding, which was hella fun and shit. One night we got to go out to this dive bar, well, dive by Iowa standards, if that means anything to you. We had a lot of fun and the people watching was prime...but there were still a bunch of dudes and assholes unified in the classic rock (which I like) block on the jukebox. My stunt: I take ten dollars, and pick 25 songs that are so not going to please the crowd. I didn't get to hear my whole set but right after Black Sabbath and Sammy Haggard came AC/DC's "You Want Blood" with everyone rocking with their hands in the air until my B-52s, Tori Amos, Alanis Morrisette (sp?), Erasure, etc., set took the air out of the room. And I don't pick the favorites, I pick the ones that are totally unfamiliar so even if you like the artist (which they didn't seem to) you wouldn't like/know the song. People did not seem pleased. OR, you can also keep picking the same annoying song over and over and over. I did this once in New York with "Sunglasses at Night" which people liked but for a moment. Then, no more likey."
"I saw a shirt that said, "It won't suck itself," which was gross AND true. "It won't suck itself," I thought to myself. You, or your shirt rather, is correct Sir. "
"I told Jon that this week all the MJ dirt will come out. Now that we've all gotten over the shock, I hope we start hearing some more creepy shit about his life. Why do I love it so? Debbie Rowe, MJ's second wife, says that MJ's kids are not biologically his. REALLY? Duh. They're so not black. But I like that she can admit that now. Poor kids. I hope they can finally live their lives sans feathered Marti Gras masks.
I've been making the following MJ jokes to friends, some of whom think they are funny:
"Now, where will Michael's children get their Jesus juice?"
"How will the sculptor of bronze-cast children support himself?" (MJ had lots of children cast in bronze for his sculpture garden...sadly, not real children.)
"Who's going to get all those delicate, bejeweled blouses?"
"Will the stigma of collecting Shirley Temple memorabilia still be creepy?"
"Budding child stars can't molest themselves, can they?"
Please feel free to add on."
Sunday, June 28, 2009
Tonight my lover-ly friend Edna had a spa baby shower (for her 5th baby!) and we had pedicures and massages and sang karaoke. I sang Baby Got Back with Sheree and I don't mean to brag but...we did not need the teleprompter at all, that's right. Then I sang I'll Make Love To You by Boyz II Men and all I have to say about that is, I can clear a room.
Saturday, June 27, 2009
Lolly is so mad at me right now for making her the sandwich she asked for. I'm not caving and giving her ice cream like she's asking for and she's been throwing a tantrum for about 3 hours now. Stand. Strong.
Friday, June 26, 2009
Tuesday, June 23, 2009
And this is totally NSFW OR kids: using your bellybutton as an anus for a tattoo. Make sure your boss or any kids are NOT around. Okay now you can click on it. Enjoy responsibly.
Monday, June 22, 2009
Sunday, June 21, 2009
(he had to eat the corn lopsided due to a loose tooth)
(she tries my fried chicken)
(then she tries my mashed potato bake)
(but she's excited about banana pudding)
(drawing of her and daddy at the park "with his tie blowing in the wind")
Saturday, June 20, 2009
"Someone was doing this before you, and doing it way better. Sorry, this blog seems like a big ripoff, especially since the other one has a major book deal on the way."
It hurts my feelers, as much as I wish it didn't. People say "oh whatever" and "f the haters" and I can't do that very well, at least not anymore, part of that is an inconvenient byproduct of being in therapy and not turning off your feelings anymore but paying attention to them and crap. It's kinda funny that these people don't see that at the top of the blog I link to both the first Stuff Christians Like and also Stuff White People Like but I can see how it would be easy to miss. I got the idea for the christian culture blog after reading the Stuff White People Like book last summer and I didn't know about the SCL blog until I google image searched side hugs for my side hug entry and found a picture on his site. Nobody has to believe that, I realize, and I want to be fine with that (as therapist would say) but since I'm not that's my pride f'ing with me (as Marcellus Wallace would say). When I found that guy's site (his name is Jon) I emailed him and told him I wanted to acknowledge him as the first and he was very gracious about it.
Anyway, here's a sweet email Jon from SCL sent me a few weeks ago, I thought I'd post it here for whatever reason.
From: Jonathan Acuff
To: Stephanie Drury
Date: May 22, 2009
Subject: Jon from Stuff Christians Like
This is Jon from Stuff Christians Like. Hopefully you never get hateful emails from people about who started the stuff Christians like concept first. I got a really hateful email from a Christian halfway around the world today about how I was evilly ripping off Stuff White People Like. And after I read it, I thought, "I need to send an email to Stephy and make sure she knows we're cool." So that's all I wanted to say today, you and I are cool. I'm glad you've kept at your site and are continuing to share your writing talent with your readers. Christianity and life and God are much too big for just one take on the whole thing and I'm pumped that you've added your voice to the conversation.
Have a great weekend
I wrote him this back.
Thanks for writing me! Yeah, you totally had the idea first, and I get emails sometimes telling me that I'm ripping you off. So, thanks for emailing and saying all that, I think we're onto something good, which is to point out that Jesus and his Church (big C) aren't what the current culture emphasizes oftentimes. I'm a fan of your site!
And, HOW ANNOYING IS THE SMOKIN HOTT WIFE THING?! I love that you write about it too!
So, for whatever that's worth. I'm just glad for that Jon guy and how nice he is. It's so nice to find people like him in a cold and desolate cyberspace (as Supergrass would say).
Thursday, June 18, 2009
Have you ever:
1. Warned incoming public restroom users that someone stunk up the bathroom when it was in fact yourself
2. Sat in a bus seat reserved for old people
11. Sharted at work
12. Picked teeth with fingernail clipping
13. Didn't know when to use there, they're, their
17. Voted for George Bush (either one)
Today I went to the zoo and tomorrow I'm going again. It is my opinon that the zoo smell is the big downside to what I'm told is the otherwise cultured and decent activity of zoo-going. Other than the smell it's totally fun. Right? It's so super cute to watch kids get excited about the animals. My favorites I saw today were the cornsnake and the fruit bats. CORNSNAKE! WHY DO THEY CALL IT THAT? That name is so funny! And also...FRUIT BAT. Carrie found time in her busy schedule to make me this thoughtful picture in Paint. Aww Carrie!
Simone guessed correctly when she ventured I'd want to see this: "I thought you would like this review of this documentary airing in Australia called "The Perfect Vagina". SBS is the hub for foreign films, artsy stuff and weird documentaries. It's great and it's government funded!"
Wednesday, June 17, 2009
Smooth segue! The Grapes of Rad were talking about Harry Connick Jr. and the phase everyone seemed to have with him at one point. I had completely forgotten about mine and then it all came rushing back. Did anyone else listen to that song "We Are In Love" and turn it way up at the end and listen to him sing really low "indubitably we are"? I died for that moment. When he married Jill I was so sad. I was like, 17. (P.S. I love the Grapes. Love love love the Grapes.)
Some people are supporting the troops so hard that they are taking donations so they won't be masturbating in Iraq. Ch-ch-ch-check it out!
Monday, June 15, 2009
"Employee of the Month" starring Jessica Simpson and Dane Cook came on last night.
Me: I love that we’re watching this!
Carrie: It’s so unengaging.
David: I like their clubhouse. I’m rooting for Dax, I have to say. Are we supposed to root for Dane Cook in this?
Carrie: I don’t know if I can do it.
Carrie: I think Canadians made this movie.
Carrie: (about Dane Cook) What’s the opposite of laughing?
Carrie: Can you imagine paying to see this in the theater?
Friday, June 12, 2009
I was thinking of killing my MySpace account because I never use it. I went back today to see if there were any blogs worth salvaging. It was so embarrassing to read some of them. It was like I found a picture of myself wearing pleated jeans. Moving forward, Lenore [the secretary] is wearing this long-beaded necklace today. I saw her walking by a moment ago and the necklace was sort of wrapped around her low-hanging breasts, framing them. It looked like they were on a swing.
Thursday, June 11, 2009
There comes a special time in a young lady's life when you want to find out what people Google to get to your blog. My stats counter thing says that what most people google to get to this blog is the term "MAC Ruby Woo." But what gets the most people to my Christian culture blog are these exact phrases:
Is it bad for Christians to wank?
Quilted bible covers
Mens frosted tips
Should Christians listen to coldplay
Christian teachings with free powerpoints and stuff
Can Christians dry sex?
Wednesday, June 10, 2009
Tuesday, June 9, 2009
Killorn is looking for awesome wireless network name suggestions, as she hasThen David then came up with all these.
decided to retire "Welcome to the Bunghole". GO.
Get Your Own Internet
Thanks For Your Credit Card Info
Close Your Blinds, Fatty
Meth Lab Rookie
One Hand Free To Drive My Van
Foster Home For Dogs With IBS
The Mexican Cartel Will Never Find Me Here
Yogurt On My Curtains
Off The Sewer Grid
Dave Matthews Bandwidth
I Don't Remember Eating Corn
Back Tattoos And Yeast
Freelance Kidney Finder
Knocking On Doors For Jesus!
She ended up naming it David Drury's House of Internet.
Monday, June 8, 2009
So it measures you in percentile and the areas where I scored in the extreme (xtreme scoring! monster truck rally!) arrrrrrrre...
Excitement-seeking: 97th percentile
Sympathy: 91st percentile
Morality: 1st percentile (what is that!?)
Cooperation: 1st percentile
Achievement-striving: 3rd percentile
This test says I'm more excitement-seeking and more sympathetic than most other people, and I have lower morality, cooperation, and desire to achieve than most people. Wow! I am going to have a think about this morality thing.
Something TheRapist says is that the first step towards mental health is being willing to accept how others see you. Interesting, huh. I should have David take this for me and see what it says. I bet it's way more accurate when whoever knows you best evaluates you cause think of all the areas in yourself you don't want to see.
Obligatory facts about this test here:
John A. Johnson wrote descriptions of the five domains and thirty subdomains. These descriptions are based on an extensive reading of the scientific literature on personality measurement. Although Dr. Johnson would like to be acknowledged as the author of these materials if they are reproduced, he has placed them in the public domain.
..Activity Level...........73rd percentile
Your score on Extraversion is high, indicating you are sociable, outgoing, energetic, and lively. You prefer to be around people much of the time.
..Morality.................1 * percentile
..Cooperation..............1 * percentile
Your score on Conscientiousness is low, indicating you like to live for the moment and do what feels good now. Your work tends to be careless and disorganized.
Your score on Neuroticism is high, indicating that you are easily upset, even by what most people consider the normal demands of living. People consider you to be sensitive and emotional.
Openness to Experience
OPENNESS TO EXPERIENCE.....74th percentile
..Artistic Interests.......39th percentile
Your score on Openness to Experience is high, indicating you enjoy novelty, variety, and change. You are curious, imaginative, and creative.
Sunday, June 7, 2009
I just love that a judge would even have to make a ruling that a consumer would know that crunchberries are not real.
Clip number one for your excellent enjoyment! Girls Just Wanna Have Fun 'Dancing in the Street'
Clip number two. Beach Boys 'I Can Hear Music'
One of my happiest memories is when my sister visited me at college and we both slept in my dorm bed and we woke up and without getting out of bed called people and sang Mockingbird on about twelve people's answering machines. She would sing "bird" exactly like Jim Carrey did and it still kills me.
Tonight I finished reading A Clockwork Orange with the last chapter they initially cut out and I finally know how it was supposed to end. That movie and the book get a bad rap, at least I didn't know what it's really about, I just knew that the movie is super freaky but the book reminded me of Brave New World and A Great Divorce. Now I want chai cause he keeps talking about 'hot milky chai' and I've been thinking in nadsat, I want to call my hands rookers and my brain my rassadoorock and eggs eggiwegg and all that. Your Humble Narrator thinks eggiwegg might stick actually. A real horrorshow slovo. O my brothers.
Thursday, June 4, 2009
I like doing this stuff and I have a desk job so stuff like this takes priority. Let's invent one maybe grosser and more random, though...Ryan? Carrie? Simone? Jona? Davy? I know you can do it.
To participate, just copy and paste in your own blog, and bold all of the things you have done.
3. Played in a band
Wednesday, June 3, 2009
Last night I watched some Tori and Dean: Home Sweet Hollywood. I'd never seen it before and it put me in a state of trash-TV paralysis! Why doesn't she get her jugs fixed?? They are so horrifying. In one episode her cleavage resembled a butthole! Still, she seems like a very nice person. I watched one and a half episodes and then switched to the Obama in the White House special so I wouldn't have nightmares.Ryan and I wondered, what if there were a sequel to The Room?
I can't think anything would top The Room. What would happen if The Room II: Getting Roomier (working title) had a budget? I think to preserve Tommy's naive genius he has to maintain total creative control. I dreamt that I wrote an action-adventure movie script and presented it to Tommy Wiseau. He said he liked the story but would only agree to be a part of it if I allowed him to act and direct it. I quickly agreed and said I'd also like him to edit the script anyway he pleased. Secretly, I just wanted to see Tommy in fatigues firing a machine gun into a jungle (with a cigar in his mouth) before he delivered a line like, "The jungle is no place for a women!" I'm sure we could develop something.Then Mona and I talked about a possible The Room sequel too:
I can see it right now, crisp as a wafer. The Room II: Hospital on Guerrerro Street. He wakes up in the hospital!! After being in a coma for 2 weeks, of course. Just enough time for Lisa, Mark and Denny to tear each other to shreds over his possible demise. It will be "Johnny's my best friend" to the nth degree as they reminisce about how great he was, PLUS this opens up the possibility for a love triangle between Lisa Mark and Denny! I dunno, too obvious? Or too obvious in a PERFECT way..More from Ryan:
I think Showgirls is so so so amazing. I will watch it alone and just laugh to myself, which I'm sure is both creepy and strange of me. Elizabeth Berkeley is so entertaining and the dialogue makes me roll my eyes. But I have to say, as a screenplay, the story is not that bad. I think I watch it tonight. [Me to Ryan: I love especially when she's eating a hamburger in the back of that guy's car. The way she bites into that burger just kills me!]Lauren:
I start work today. Am debating whether it's too soon to call in sick.
Tuesday, June 2, 2009
And Aaron (or was it Ben?) took this picture in the Wallingford QFC and it blinds me with its brilliance. I love this so much.
Okay so I get my mention here on episode #35, right at the 53 minute mark. This could be the start or something beautiful, or more likely, the rapid decline of my christian blog into oblivion and apathy. Let's close in prayer.
Okay, if you haven’t seen The Room then ignore this paragraph but I have to get this out: Neil Hamburger is going to open up for The Room screenings in NYC! And, last night Simone told me about how Tim & Eric had dinner with Tommy Wiseau and Greg Sestero on Sunday. Here's the picture Tim posted on his twitter. My brain made zzt zzt zzt noises when I saw it! Oh, and The Room is being screened in Portland on August 15. We've been trying to get it screened here forever. Seattle's next, please baby Jesus.
Oh! Here's a montage of Tommy Wiseau laughing clips!
I get this song stuck in my head more than any other so I finally looked it up and watched it like nine times. Okay, three.
More fun links! I can't stop! KISS shreds
I love me some Bruno and I love how Eminem reacted. I choose to believe he wasn't in on it.
I choose to believe Bruno wouldn't compromise Eminem's reaction by letting him be in on it. I also choose to believe Eminem couldn't act like such a dick on purpose, that has to come from the heart. I also believe the children are our future.
In closing, fun quote of the day from Mona:
"I don't understand rompers, I really don't. How are you supposed to go to the bathroom? You have to take off the whole thing to take a dump."