epiphany

I felt like I had a breakthrough the other day. On Sunday morning we were late getting out the door to church as usual and I felt all pressured and stressed and sort of pissed off. Then I thought about how anger is always a secondary emotion so I thought "what is it that I'm actually upset about?" and I realized I was sad about being late because I was scheduled to help in the nursery and I didn't want to be late for that and disappoint Amy (who coordinates the church nursery). So I thought about that and just let myself be sad about it while I finished getting ready, and it actually felt sort of nice, me with my sadness, just sitting with it and accepting it and letting myself think about it. So I got the kids in the car in a calm and orderly fashion when usually I would be being huffy and bossy and "come ON, we're LATE!" about it all. But we were able to get out the door all calmly and have a happy drive there.

This was big for me because my growing up was marked by rushing around and being late and us all blaming each other. Now I feel like I have one more tool towards turning the tide in my own little family.