Thursday, October 4, 2007

what can't adam complain about?

I adore Adam Carolla and here are some of his quotes (nay, rants) in LA Magazine:

“In general, stupid people play the lottery. That’s why it’s a horrible thing for the government to sponsor. It’s saying, ‘You ain’t gonna make it through hard work.’ You came to this country or your great-grandparents came because it was an even playing field, and they were gonna sock away their money and maybe they didn’t make it, but the next generation went to college and through perseverance and education made it. The lottery says, ‘Feh, feh to all of that!’ It says, ‘Here’s your one shot, baby, your one goddamn shot. So put on your housecoat, pull up your slippers, hammer that welfare check, and come on down.’ It’s ironic that the money goes to education. Most of those playing the lottery don’t have a goddamn GED. The lottery is state-sponsored gambling for retards. We should be ashamed of ourselves.”

Adam on Paris Hilton saying that being stripsearched at the Los Angeles County Jail was “the most humiliating experience of my life” :

“Let’s make it the second most humiliating,” he says. “Everything will be second until you shoot another bootleg porn and you’re dressed like Hitler. She says she wants to transform herself and become a substantial person. What’s standing in her way? Let me tell you what was standing in mine. I come from a group of people who don’t know what success is. I didn’t feel smart. I just felt dumb. I got horrible grades, barely graduated from high school, and then someone handed me a shovel and said, ‘Enjoy the rest of your life.’ I knew I needed to infuse myself with confidence. I knew I needed to start at the bottom and build up. So I built a core. Until that point I was just a shell.”

“I’ve had an assful of everyone named Jessica—Jessica Alba, Jessica Simpson, Jessica Tandy. I just think Jessica Alba is vapid. I’ve never heard her say anything smart. Every time I ask, ‘Why is Jessica Alba such a big star?’ guys go, ‘Dude, have you seen how hot she is?’ Well, that’s great, but what year are we living in? There are other good-looking women who have something to say.”

On ranchera music:
“Will you turn this down? It’s the most annoying shit. Why do you guys listen to this? Is it just to annoy whitey?”

On his white Labrador, Molly:
“She has an anus the size of a tea saucer. It’s all I see when she leaves the room. I’d like to put a pirate’s patch over it.”

But my favorite quote from last week came from Shane as we were driving to Pike Place Market listening to Bronski Beat and his kids asked from the backseat if they could please watch Frosty the Snowman:

“Uh, NO. I’m not turning off Bronski Beat just so that you can watch a seasonally inappropriate movie.”


Simone said...

You've won me over. I wish I could listen to him show. But Shane's comment was the absolute best. I accidentally typed "ebst" and I think that should be a word. Help me with a meaning.

Xtina said...

haha, i love Adam Corolla, he's so crude and rad. What does "feh," mean?