Wednesday, February 18, 2009

who needs lily allen?

"Who needs Lily Allen?" will never get old for me.

Amy Sedaris on How's Your News.

1 comment:

shari said...

Oh, sister, I've been thinking of you and sending out prayers/positive thoughts (not sure what to call them). I really identify with what you said about toxic people. The problem is, there's so many of them! And even non-toxic people can be unhealthy, and where's the line between the two? Like, what's the cutoff point? I don't know. I went to a writers conference last week and met a lot of new people (some of them I already knew online, but not all) and often I could just tell pretty quickly: Oh, that one's a little crazy. Oh, that one is not safe. Or, oh, this person is the kind of person I want to be friends with! But I wasn't around them long enough to find out whether my instincts are correct. I like to think I'm getting much better about knowing that stuff, but I could be kidding myself, too.

I just think you and David are so brave for continuing to confront this stuff, when so many people would just give up. And while I don't know anything for sure, I just can't imagine how this wouldn't contribute to your longterm healing, even if it feels suckier in the short term.

The thing is, NO ONE has the right to silence you. Your voice is compassionate and kind and wise. Unfortunately, you've been dismissed in so many ways -- by the church (teachings, overall), by pastors (yes?), by your parents, by other Christians -- it would seem impossible NOT to react and feel triggered when someone else does it, you know? The healthiest woman I think I know was raised by a clinically narcissist parent who made her the scapegoat for everything, and even though she's incredibly healthy now, she still feels triggered when people try to pin crap on her. All that to say, your hurt isn't there because you're not healthy, but because you ARE healthy, and you know better now -- you KNOW it's unfair and wrong, and you know you shouldn't be subjected to it, even if you don't have the global power to make it stop. I don't know that that helps at all. But sometimes I personally get the feeling that if I was healthy, I wouldn't feel angry or hurt by stuff, and of course I do. And ultimately, I think that hurt and anger is the healthy response.

Okay, gotta go work a little. Thanks for your bravery. You are my hero.