The posting yesterday and today brought to the surface past memories of when people did bad things to me in the name of Jesus. That's kind of vague but I know a lot of people have been there. It just reminded me of being helpless and being lied to by people who said they were doing God's will. I'm pretty sure there is nothing worse than being harmed when you're helpless, and that most horrible thing I think is made even worse when you're being harmed by someone who says they are doing it in God's name. I battle feeling worthless every hour of the day. I got these sweet things today and want to put them here so I'll always have them.
"I got a little teary reading that. I have some emotions to get out, I guess. I haven't been part of a church since college because I hate having to try so hard to feel loved in God's house. You and I have discussed this. I'm just gun shy with religion and admire your drive to love deeper and make every village count."
"Stephy's so sweet and compassionate. I love that she fights the good fight. But I hate that doing so hurts her! I wish I could physically kick the asses of everyone who has ever made her cry...."
then David said this
"It's so hard being married to a sensitive prophet. She's like a little wind-up old testament David, stepping up to hurl stones at all of the Goliaths everyone else avoids. And then when the Goliaths bite back, she can fall to pieces. So my role is to 1. Warn her about the danger of the fight she is about to pick 2.Tend to her wounds when she gets hurt 3.Step into the very fights I wouldn't have started. 4.Rinse and repeat.
I told one of our counselors that it sometimes feels like Stephanie is a speedboat and I am a water skier behind the boat just trying to keep up.... so I'm trying to be in the boat more often and not fall out when she hits the gas.
If you are going to kisk the asses of everyone who has ever made her cry, unfortunately I'm first in line."