Tuesday, September 23, 2008

DIY steph builds a new BFF

Carrie & Simone are both on vacation this week and that means I have no one to email all day here at my desk job. Even though my beloved Shari & Jose are here I'm feeling the loss acutely. I might have to make my own best friend while they're gone like DIY cat here.


Maybe I should hold a contest for two new BFFs while Simone is in Australia and Carrie is in Arlington. (snicker. Arlington!) I could hold a Stephanie's Work BFF Temporary Replacement Contest. I could make up contest rules!

Stephanie's Work BFF Temporary Replacement Contest

How to enter:

NO PURCHASE NECESSARY. To enter, send me an email and be charming about it.

Contest rules:

The contest is open to citizens of any country except Canada.

The prize is not redeemable in cash and must be accepted as awarded. Decisions of the contest judge(s) are final.

By claiming the prize, the winner authorizes the use in any context of his/her name and likeness and/or funny anecdotes and stories told by them. The winner also authorizes the reception of emails and texts from me at odd hours about randomness that I enjoy. Subjects may include: my kids, my husband, pancakes, farting, wieners, donuts, bacon, art deco jewelry, Kenley from Project Runway, the music and personhood of Supergrass, mean people who say they are Christians, dlisted.com, the circle game (where you make a circle with your fingers and if someone looks at it you get to punch them), my monthly mix cds and the harrowing thankless process of making them, my TheRapist (aka counselor) and absolutely everything she said to me at last session, my boss's constant coughing, my urine-soaked carpet and how it makes me want to kill myself, and much much more!

In accepting the prize, the winner acknowledges that I will repeat myself often. I have little short-term memory and stories never grow old for me, so much so that I can't remember ever telling them before. Sorry about that.

The person(s) whose name(s) is drawn as being the winner(s) of the specific prize will be required to answer a skill-testing question before the prize is awarded to them. It is likely the question will involve the word "dong" because I think that word is super funny.

I may request that you see The Women with me. Please share with me your honest feelings about this. I will reserve to use my power of veto on the basis of your answer.

Our relationship status will be voided upon Simone & Carrie's return.

One entry per person.

Jose did come visit me today. Here he is taking a nap in my office. I feel loved when he does that. I actually really do!


EW look at Kim Kardashian's camel toe!



Simone said...

Had I been previously been informed about the urine stained carpet, you would only be seeking one replacement at this time.

BTW, The Women has 10% positive on RottenTomatoes.com. When you want to see things like that, I'm glad we live in different states so I don't to obnoxiously say "NO!" to you.

stephy said...

Yeah, well, Carrie lives here and she won't see it with me either. Because you both are big fat bitches so I have to look elsewhere to get my needs met.
A great man once said: "If you'd keep your woman satisfied she wouldn't have to come to me!" That man was Greg Sestero, and I think his words apply here.

Elizabeth said...

I think this is funny! You do not have short term memory loss...you remember every commercial ever seen! E

rebekka said...

Oh my gosh that picture is so funny!

stephy said...

Hi Eli! Ever since I had kids I swear I can't remember hardly anything, except some pertinent commercials and lines from Tommy Boy. Did your memory suffer too when you had kids or is it just me? xoxoxox
PS - No one has applied for the position of my temporary BFF, maybe the stakes are just too high.

stephy said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Straight from the Norse's Mouth said...

I was going to apply to be your stand in BFF.. but I noticed that you haven't posted that fantastic no bake cookie receipe on your other bloggity yet and I've been having a craving since you got me HOOKED! So until I see that receipe.. I just cannot in good conscience apply.....

Team Wolfisaki said...

i would apply for the fill-in BFF position, but i'm just too lazy. No seriously, it's almost 1 o'clock and i am still in my jammies plus i already got a thumb cramp (for reals) from clicking on the internet too much today, so i would be voted off first, for sure.

Umm also, about the short term memory, i had something to say about it but i forgot (for reals). i don't have kids, either. i can remember "i'm picking out a thermos for you, for you, it's not an ordinary thermos, for you" from The Jerk. i heart Steve Martin. That's all that i can think of at the moment.

Carrie said...

Well I'll be back soon to hear the latest on the carpet, as well as any urgent dutch oven updates. The Women though..."[obnoxiously] NO!!"

p.s. I've been in Seattle since Monday! But I'm soon to be in Portland.

Simone said...

Carrie, let's go see a good film together. Let's ditch this creep. I don't like her anymore.

melkytown said...

haah! funny! but you see, no one wants to friend "temp"...gross! [say in whiny kenley voice] :D

fyi, "the women" is a [wretched] remake of an old [and really great] joan crawford movie, snort.

snooty annoying film-comment-person

stephy said...

Haha melkytown! Kenly is so very whiny! I love the original The Women which is partly why I want to see the new one. When I lived in Texas I got my hair cut at Jungle Red. That was the name of the salon! (because of the original movie. duh, you know that)

ShariMacD said...

Oh, man, I would apply, but a) I know I'm not online enough to meet your very valid, albeit wildly specific needs; b) I would not handle gracefully the rejection of being summarily dumped uponn BFF's #1-2 return; and c) while I know the contrast between your level of radness and my own is probably no secret ("Project what?!"), at this point it does not appear to stand out like a -- yes, like a urine stain on a carpet -- and I fear upsetting that delicate balance ...