Wednesday, June 25, 2008

james dobson continues to plague me

I feel sad about what James Dobson said about Barack Obama. I have a strong reaction to that stuff because I was raised according to Dobson's rules. I think James Dobson probably has a couple of good things to say overall, but the way he's saying the things he does hurts my heart. I know that's probably an extreme reaction compared to how most people feel about political stuff. It all ties into how I was raised. I know that when I had conservative political beliefs, I thought I was definitely on the 'right' side. I thought the Constitution provided for biblical things to become law. But eventually I looked at it objectively and that really sucked, to be honest, because it meant I had to question the beliefs I'd been raised with and that's painful. This stuff seems to tie into my struggle with truth and my trying to see what's behind my anger because anger always covers up either sadness or hurt. I think about this book I read about India when I was a little kid and it had a picture of these starving kids with beautiful big eyes and the caption said "Let your heart be broken by the things that break the heart of God." - I think that sums it up. But I don't want my heart to hurt, dammit! I don't want to think about the ways I've been rejected and marginalized and about all the hurting people in the world and about how I can't afford a new iBook, I want to self-medicate by distracting myself or getting angsty about petty things. I can't be doing that if I'm going to be a whole person. Maybe God is real and maybe I'm called to a purpose, so then what am I supposed to do? Maybe he's not real and nothing really matters in the end, so what am I supposed to do then? What do I do about people who aren't Christians who are way nicer and sweeter than people who say they're Christians? I sometimes feel like God's real and he's with me, and I've thought about this and wondered if I'm crazy and just want so much to believe that there is something bigger than myself, but then sometimes I feel like I really do experience him as someone who is real. So I've decided in times I'm doubting, to act as if I'm convinced he's real, because then I'll actually have faith. I think the acting bit is the key here. If I said "of course God is real. I know without a doubt that if I die I'll go to heaven." - then I wouldn't actually have faith, because faith needs a doubt. I can't speak for anyone else's experience of God and if someone just hasn't experienced him then that's totally valid. I'm glad we can all be friends anyway, it's beautiful. And I think that's what Barack was saying in his speech that James Dobson didn't like. So, that's why James Dobson made me sad.

Plus, he said Barbie was bad and that's why I couldn't have Barbies when I was little. So bite me, Dr. Dobson! Right here, take a bite!


Simone said...

I'm going to be bold an assume I'm one of the non-Christians who are nice to you!

You raise a lot of interesting points and I'm going to try not to say more than you wrote in the blog. First of all, what bums me out about what Dobson said and apparently what you were raised to believe, is that it marginalises good people like me who aren't now and never will be Christians. When I think about the values upon which this country was founded I get giddy thinking that they made it so that everyone was free to practice or not practice what they like, as much as Dobson seems to think everyone needs to be Christian. It seems like great forsight on the founding fathers
part to protect these rights except for that fact that that's the very reason this nation was founded in the first place! Freedom from religious persecution! I love that the Constitution has more clout than the Bible here! Phew! With that in place, as agonising as what he said was, I feel protected and take some solace in the fact that he appears to be a lunatic. I feel like he's only preaching to the converted so I'm not too scared by him.

In terms of all your other confusion about purpose and such, I can never quite understand why God needs to exist for someone's life to have purpose. To me, believing there is nothing else makes this life a greater treasure than if there was a heaven ahead of me. Like really, why should I give a crap about anything if there is ETERNITY ahead of me? Since I think there isn't, THAT's what makes me want to make the most of this wee little time I have here. And if there was a heaven, again, getting in for eternity after spending this incredibly short time on earth trying to make it in there almost reduces life to earning a gold star in kindergarten one day. Okay, you got your star, now what? Life is such a speck on the ass of eternity, but it's everything when it's all you have.

Lastly, at the risk of sounding like a simpleton, eternity anywhere, with anyone sounds completely boring to me! And since no-one can really tell me for sure what heaven is supposed to be like, I'm not going to be sold on it.

Okay, I'm done.

stephy said...

Aww thanks Simone. Thanks for thinking about this like you do and sharing it. I hope nobody leaves a comment after this that will discredit your experience. I guess I have veto power of comments if that happens but at the same time I don't want to censor stuff just because it bugs me. Anyway, I love ya.

bandwidow said...

I wasn't allowed to have Barbies either!! I say shame on him, shame on them all for being political tools. You know this statement is only being released as this book is about to hit the stands!

Simone said...

I would NEVER expect you censor anyone who argued with me! I never censor anyone who argues with me on my own blog. Plus I welcome any challenge for I enjoy the debate. Like Michael Jackson said, "I think I told you, I'm a fighter not a lover." oh wait...

mushroommeadows said...

I guess everyone's entitled to their opinion...including mr. dobson, but I'm sorry that he offended you. :(

The way you describe faith is really interesting. I guess that's what it is, in a way...acting upon a doubt.

I have those moments of just sheer and utter belief though, and the more pain I've experienced in life, the more those doubts have been extinguished. Pain is not fun, but sometimes it's necessary to realize that this life isn't about us.

Corinne said...

People should read this.