recent quotes from the kids

Sir Duke by Stevie Wonder came on. Judah said "This is one of my favorite songs! How many people made this handsome song?"

Judah: "When I'm a man I'm going to smoke only one time to check what it feels like. If it tastes bad I'm gonna frow all my smoking stuff away and then I can be the healfiest man on erf!"

Judah: "Is it summer? It feels like summer."
Me: "Well, May is spring and summer isn't technically until June. That's just kind of the rule."
J: That is totally not the rule! Who made that law? George Washington?"

Judah: I want 5 kids in our family. I want an extra girl, and we can get (counting on his fingers)...3 boys."

When I give Lolly a big hug: "Stop squeezing! How about a little Lolly hug?"

L: "Mommy, I frowed my paci away casue I'm a big girl!" (then an hour later) "I need to get my paci out of the trash."

Judah: "What if David's band runs because everyone likes their band so much they go crazy and try to get him, and they like scream and freak out and hug them so hard they get hurt and have to go to the hospital?"

J: "I got a honey people (Kashi cereal) stuck on my uvula and I coughed."

J on a bridal shower: "Why you ned to frow a present at her?"

Judah & Lolly were along on the porch playing 'school' and eating grapes. They didn't know I was listening - I wrote down what they said.

J: So, let's talk about Abraham Lincoln. He was the best American president ever. He died before we were born. He stopped American war."
L: "Why?"
J: "Because he didn't want everyone to get killed. He'd be sad if everyone got killed."
(long pause)
L: "Now let's talk about robots."
J: "So. Some robots are good, some are evil."
L: "I see them on your pants." (J is wearing robot pajamas)
L: "Sometimes I swallow grapes down my throat. (pause.) What are you doing, teacher? Can we talk about when I got sick in my crib?"
J: "Ahh, just some grapes, me, and you."
L: "Just me and you. Not mommy."

J: "Can I be a sports photographer when I grow up?"
Steph: "You can be whatever you want if you work hard enough."
J: (pause) "What's the easiest job I can have?"

L: "I'm making out my schedule."

J: "I wish we could go infinity fast in this car."

Mommy: "If you go poop on the potty, you get candy."
Lolly: (rolling her eyes) "Thaaat's my liiife."

some june pictures

Judah with his graduation-from-kindergarden cake. He asked for lemon-cherry-watermelon cake. We compromised with a yellow butter cake and cherries as decoration.



Lolly with her graduation-from-preschool cake. She asked for chocolate cake and frosting and yellow moon and stars on it. Moments after taking this she pitched a fit that the sprinkles fell off it. Three is the new two!



Carrie with Neil Hamburger. He is very apologetic when you meet him in person and says "I'm not really like that, you know."



Judah with quarter he found & Weezer backstage pass, both equally exciting to him


David with Weezer at a radio thing




David doing a Liz Phair cover night. Hey, those are my red fishnets on arms and he's got on my knee socks! Thanks for stretching them out, butt nacho!



I did a bad scanning job, but I wanted to share the worst-ever picture on my new license. I look like I have spina bifida. My eyes look like they're looking in two different directions.



Then I got a bit better picture on my new work ID.


Here's Tennis Pro being cute

jamesdobsondoesn'tspeakforme.com

I saw this at the Sojourner's site -

And the Rev. Kirbyjohn Caldwell, an Obama supporter, announces the creation of a website called "James Dobson Doesn't Speak for Me" that compares statements by Obama and Dobson. (It's really very good. Direct quotes offered side by side. I recommend the link, no matter what you POV is on the matter...)

anne lamott

Megan, one of my best friends from junior high, she was in my wedding and everything, sent me this today and I wanted to post it. They're some quotes from Anne Lamott's book "Plan B: Some Thoughts On Faith."

"Forgiveness means it finally becomes unimportant that you hit back. You’re done. It doesn’t necessarily mean that you want to have lunch with the person." (p 47)

And how about this, on holiness? “Holiness has most often been revealed to me in the exquisite pun of the first syllable, in holes—in not enough help, in brokenness, mess. . . .In holes and lostness I can pick up the light of small ordinary progress, newly made moments flecked like pepper into the slog and the disruptions.” (p 68)

On hope: “The reason I never give up hope is that everything is basically hopeless. Hopelessness underscores everything—the deep sadness and fear at the center of life, the holes in the heart of our families, the animal confusion within us. When you do give up hope, a lot can happen. When it’s not pinned wriggling onto a shiny image or expectation, it may float forth and open like those fluted Japanese blossoms, flimsy and static, bright and warm.” (237-238)

And later, on the hope buried in Good Friday’s bleakness: “Hope is not about proving anything. It’s about choosing to believe this one thing, that love is bigger than any grim, bleak shit anyone can throw at us.” (275)

On faith: “The opposite of faith is not doubt, but certainty. Certainty is missing the point entirely. Faith includes noticing the mess, the emptiness and discomfort, and letting it be there until some light returns.” (256-257)

james dobson continues to plague me

I feel sad about what James Dobson said about Barack Obama. I have a strong reaction to that stuff because I was raised according to Dobson's rules. I think James Dobson probably has a couple of good things to say overall, but the way he's saying the things he does hurts my heart. I know that's probably an extreme reaction compared to how most people feel about political stuff. It all ties into how I was raised. I know that when I had conservative political beliefs, I thought I was definitely on the 'right' side. I thought the Constitution provided for biblical things to become law. But eventually I looked at it objectively and that really sucked, to be honest, because it meant I had to question the beliefs I'd been raised with and that's painful. This stuff seems to tie into my struggle with truth and my trying to see what's behind my anger because anger always covers up either sadness or hurt. I think about this book I read about India when I was a little kid and it had a picture of these starving kids with beautiful big eyes and the caption said "Let your heart be broken by the things that break the heart of God." - I think that sums it up. But I don't want my heart to hurt, dammit! I don't want to think about the ways I've been rejected and marginalized and about all the hurting people in the world and about how I can't afford a new iBook, I want to self-medicate by distracting myself or getting angsty about petty things. I can't be doing that if I'm going to be a whole person. Maybe God is real and maybe I'm called to a purpose, so then what am I supposed to do? Maybe he's not real and nothing really matters in the end, so what am I supposed to do then? What do I do about people who aren't Christians who are way nicer and sweeter than people who say they're Christians? I sometimes feel like God's real and he's with me, and I've thought about this and wondered if I'm crazy and just want so much to believe that there is something bigger than myself, but then sometimes I feel like I really do experience him as someone who is real. So I've decided in times I'm doubting, to act as if I'm convinced he's real, because then I'll actually have faith. I think the acting bit is the key here. If I said "of course God is real. I know without a doubt that if I die I'll go to heaven." - then I wouldn't actually have faith, because faith needs a doubt. I can't speak for anyone else's experience of God and if someone just hasn't experienced him then that's totally valid. I'm glad we can all be friends anyway, it's beautiful. And I think that's what Barack was saying in his speech that James Dobson didn't like. So, that's why James Dobson made me sad.

Plus, he said Barbie was bad and that's why I couldn't have Barbies when I was little. So bite me, Dr. Dobson! Right here, take a bite!

spectator sports...and a sweet girl quote

I'm so girly about sports, I only want to watch gymnastics or diving and that's about it but David loves competitive sports in any form. Baseball, hockey, football, golf, poker (not a sport in my opinion), cricket, curling (seriously!), whatever... I have post-traumatic stress disorder from surviving a childhood in the South with a house full of football fans raucously watching-borderline-participating in a game every autum Saturday, Sunday afternoon and Monday night for my first 18 years. But David is very chill and really sort of cute how he tivos it and watches it all carefully and proffers funny anecdotes so I won't be too terribly bored. Yesterday he was watching Spain play Italy and tried to make it interesting for me.

Me: That goalie looks sort of scary.
David: He's the best goalie in the world.
Me: Hmm...oh! He looks like the child molester guy in "Little Children."
D: Yeah! And the Italian coach looks like Wayne Coyne.

See? Interesting. Sort of.

Here is the Italian goalie, Gianluigi Buffon (fantastic name):



and here is the chi-mo from Little Children (aka Jackie Earle Haley):



And here's the Italian coach, Roberto Donadoni



and here's Wayne Coyne.



I could watch gymnastics forever. Jennie (my sister, she's two years younger than me) and I used to watch our Nadia Comaneci & Mary Lou Retton VHS tapes on a loop, practically. I just saw this youtube clip and this girl is so amazing, lots of blind forward landings and stuff on the balance beam!




I got this from David this morning:

This morning, Lolly climbed into our bed, snuggled up to me, pulled up the blankets over her, laid her head on the pillow and whispered, "Daddy. Mommy made a licious cake."

your'n vs. urine

I just heard someone say "your'n" which is basically the equivelant of "yall's" but it cracks me up because it sounds like "urine." Saying "your'n" is very Appalachian (read: white trash) so I do not employ it. Because I do not align myself with the white trash. Now where are my circus peanuts?

I am gearing up for my 3 weeks off of work! I'm going see Supergrass at every date the play on the west coast and THEN I'm going to NYC at the end of July to see Supergrass, again, and the next night is Neil Hamburger, then I'm going along with Neil H. and Simone while we drive down the east coast and he plays Boston & Baltimore & Raleigh and places like that. Road trip! I'm not sure of the details yet because I'm too excited to figure them out!

I got a call this morning saying Judah can't get his report card until he pays his library fine. I told them to go fuck themselves and that I'll see their ass in court. (okay, not really)

laughing till i snort

Yesterday morning I disembarked from the Community Transit bus, also known as the silky smooth plastic applicator of public transportation, and saw Shari whose bus often magically appears at my same stop downtown at the exact same time. Being with Shari helps me tolerate the ordeal of boarding the 3 or the 4 metro bus (also known as the festering dirty condom of public transportation) that takes us up the hill. We got on the grimy cesspool bus and were lucky enough to sit by a sweet white-haired lady who had a purse with cats embroidered on it (the cats were wearing aerobics outfits) and her headphones on, holding a walkman from about 1995. The bus was quiet for once, no withdrawing addicts shouting at the driver, no unmedicated schizophrenics announcing that they are Jesus Christ, no ziploc bags full of urine rolling in the aisle. Then the aerobics-cats lady turned on her walkman and we heard blaring from her headphones..."Highway to the Danger Zone." I want to make friends with her. Have her over for ham and tea. Then last night I kept laughing as I was trying to go to sleep because I kept remembering the drive-by farting video Shari and I watched ninety hundred times yesterday at work. It just gets funnier and funnier for me. If you want, here it is, watch at your own risk. (Okay, since I don't know who all reads this, I'll add disclaimers - there is brief nudity [I love the words brief and nudity!] and a really loud fart. Got that?)

boob loaf

Here's a sort of tame, nerdy Urban Dictionary for girly things.
My favorites are

Back fat: The result of a too-tight bra that squeezes one’s back to create highly unflattering contours.

Bicbrow: The look achieved when someone shaves between her brows rather than plucking, leading to unsightly stubble.

Boings: Untrendy bangs that are deliberately curled under at the bottom.

Brond: a term for kinda blondish, kinda brownish, very gorgeous hair.

Chiclets: Overwhitened teeth.

Flintstone feet: What you get after wearing sandals in the city: Your feet look as grimy as Fred’s do after powering his vehicle with bare feet.

Hair sharks: The finlike bumps seen atop a messy ponytail.

Laundry bag: A dress that clings in all the wrong places, making you appear lumpier than you actually are, especially from the rear.

Old wallet: A person who is way, way too tan, evoking visions of tumbled brown leather accessories.

Uniboob: A derivative of “unibrow,” describing an unflattering sports bra that flattens your chest into one wide unit. (Editor's note: I like to call this the "boob loaf.")

Whale tail: Thong underwear seen rising above the surface of someone’s jeans.

prank

When I first saw this on tv I laughed so hard I fell off the couch!!

hahahahahahahahahahahaahahaahahhahhaaaa

paula deen's latest creation

You know how I love Paula Deen and I wish she would adopt me, well, on her last show she. Made. These. Burgers. Bacon-fried egg-cheeseburgers with Krispy Kreme donuts for the buns!



David was acting offended. "That's just wrong. It's so, so wrong." Well, I'm making them. Then we'll see how WRONG he thinks they are. (What's that shooting pain down my left arm?)

interesting article

McCain The Cad: A Study in Republican Hypocrisy and Why Obama Will (or Should) Win the Family Values Vote by Francis Schaeffer

Republicans have developed a nasty habit of turning a blind eye to sins that might put them in a bad light. This double standard reaches a new zenith with the right wing/evangelical embrace of McCain. Caligula is in bed with the Church Lady, and the Church Lady is pretending to like it.

If they vote for Senator McCain the evangelical/conservative/
Republican base is going to have to reach for a new level of hypocrisy. So are honorable military men and women voters. In McCain's candidacy the folks who have driven American politics to the sanctimonious moralistic right for 30 years are about to be hoisted on their own petard. As for the military vote, a glaring chunk of McCain's life -- after Vietnam -- is the opposite of honorable.

I am a former life-long Republican, a former evangelical right wing leader. I'm also the proud father of a Marine. In the 70s and 80s, along with my late father Francis Schaeffer, I was a founding instigator of the religious right. I re-registered as an independent out of disgust with Rove, Bush et al. Today I am a dedicated Obama supporter.

It is as a former insider's insider -- I once labored with Jack Kemp, C. Everett Koop and Gary Bauer, the Bush family and the Fords et al., to get evangelicals to vote Republican--that I note that according to evangelical theology and right wing morality, McCain is virtually in a class of his own when it comes to bad behavior. He makes Bill Clinton's moral lapses look benign by comparison.

Here are some well known -- and undisputed -- McCain facts presented by Sharon Churcher (Daily Mail June 8 "The Wife Of US Republican John McCain Callously Left Behind.")

McCain likes to illustrate his moral fiber by referring to his five years as a prisoner-of-war in Vietnam. And to demonstrate his commitment to family values, the 71-year-old former US Navy pilot pays warm tribute to his beautiful blonde wife, Cindy, with whom he has four children. But there is another Mrs. McCain who casts a ghostly shadow over the Senator's presidential campaign. She is seldom seen and rarely written about, despite being mother to McCain's three eldest children....But when McCain returned to America in 1973 to a fanfare of publicity and a handshake from Richard Nixon, he discovered his wife [Carol] had been disfigured in a terrible car crash three years earlier... When McCain...was released in March 1973, he told reporters he was overjoyed to see Carol again. But friends say privately he was 'appalled' by the change in her appearance... 'I thought, of course, we would live happily ever after,' says Carol. But as a war hero, McCain was moving in ever-more elevated circles.

Through Ross Perot, he met Ronald Reagan, then Governor of California. A sympathetic Nancy Reagan took Carol under her wing. 'John started carousing and running around with women,' said Robert Timberg. McCain has acknowledged that he had girlfriends during this time, without going into details... He was also fiercely ambitious.... In 1979 -- while still married to Carol -- he met Cindy at a cocktail party in Hawaii. Over the next six months he pursued her, flying around the country to see her. Then he began to push to end his marriage. Carol and her children were devastated. 'It was a complete surprise,' says Nancy Reynolds, a former Reagan aide....[D]espite his popularity as a politician, there are those who won't forget his treatment of his first wife. Ted Sampley, who fought with US Special Forces in Vietnam and is now a leading campaigner for veterans' rights, said: 'I have been following John McCain's career for nearly 20 years. I know him personally. There is something wrong with this guy and let me tell you what it is -- deceit. 'When he came home and saw that Carol was not the beauty he left behind, he started running around on her almost right away. Everybody around him knew it. "Eventually he met Cindy and she was young and beautiful and very wealthy. At that point McCain just dumped Carol for something he thought was better. This is a guy who makes such a big deal about his character. He has no character. He is a fake. If there was any character in that first marriage, it all belonged to Carol.'" ...Ross Perot, who paid her medical bills all those years ago, now believes that both Carol McCain and the American people have been taken in by a man who is unusually slick and cruel -- even by the standards of modern politics. "McCain is the classic opportunist. He's always reaching for attention and glory," he said. "After he came home, Carol walked with a limp. So he threw her over for a poster girl with big money from Arizona. And the rest is history...."

Republicans have been winning elections by appealing to a holier-than-thou sense of American goodness. One plank is the anti-gay and anti gay marriage agenda. In McCain they have a leader who represents the antithesis of family values. In fact McCain is sort of man who got horsewhipped by irate fathers on behalf of wronged daughters in Victorian novels. He's what used to be called a cad.

The idea of the folks who uphold the "sanctity of marriage" joining forces with this man is mind boggling. They choose divorce and abandonment over commitment. So much for consistency. Talk about straining out the gnat and swallowing the camel!

For the record, I don't think it's appropriate to measure public service by personal sexuality and/or private behavior. But the Republican Party should be judged by its own pro-family standards. As it has judged others, so let it be judged. (Disclosure: I actively supported McCain in 2000, because I figured W. Bush was worse. Now, with Obama, I am supporting someone who I think will be a great president, not as a best of a bad alternative, but as the most inspiring candidate in my lifetime.)

The Democratic Party (unlike the Republican's evangelical base) is not selling itself on personal moral rectitude. But the fact is that Senator Obama and his wife Michelle are the model of traditional morality.

Evangelicals and other members of the right are in a strange position. The candidate representing their "Christian values" is a disaster, while their "godless" opponent -- variously described as "a Muslim," "unpatriotic," "hates America," and "pro-abortion," etc., etc., walks the walk of bedrock America.

By contrast McCain has not only broken the rules of decent family conduct, by tossing over his wife in her hour of need--a wife who loyally waited for him and raised his children -- but he has broken his much vaunted military moral code of honor too.

McCain says he belongs to the fraternity that "never leaves a man behind," much less a wounded comrade. But that is exactly what he did to his wounded and disfigured wife.

One reason Obama will win is because evangelicals are going to have trouble swallowing the jagged chunk of awkward moral hypocrisy that is John McCain. They are also going to have a hard time hating Obama, whose personal life mirrors their values, who's religious beliefs are sincere and humbly and devoutly Christian and who's family devotion is authentic.
-
Frank Schaeffer is a writer and author of CRAZY FOR GOD - How I Grew Up As One Of The Elect, Helped Found The Religious Right, And Lived To Take All (Or Almost All) Of It Back.

gummi lighthouses

When candy design goes wrong.


[Slog]

any more than this might bore the hell out of you

Sun & moon signs are both in Aquarius:
The combination of your Sun sign and your Moon sign produces a nature that is strong--a little bit indefinite, but strong. This is a combination that is somewhat of another world-ethereal, philosophical, and extremely open-minded. Your individuality and personality is a blend of the Aquarius traits of refinement, intelligence, and a broadly humane nature. Refined and intelligent, this combination provides the possibility of high talent or a streak of genius to be constructively developed. Ideas are prolific, and likely range from the conventional to the eccentric and the unusual. This is a position that is hyperactive mentally, but perhaps a procrastinator. Mentally, you are a trail-blazer, but one who definitely has a very short attention span for you apt to get yourself involved with a wide variety of subjects and avocations. Aquarius has very humanistic instincts, a natural friendliness, and a talent for understanding and reading character. It is easy for you to blend with with strangers, and dealings with people rarely cause you any problem. Just the same, you are independent or somewhat individualistic, and require considerable personal freedom of thought and action. You are apt to success rather easily in business because of a combination of traits you possess. You are people oriented and thus, able to understand the needs of the public. You are original and progressive in your thinking; new ideas and advanced techniques are your forte. Aquarius is a so called fixed sign, so there is a strong fixed element associated with your personality, a high degree of focus and determination in your nature, giving the tenacity to see any of the many tasks that you undertake, through to completion. Whether you are in business or scientific pursuits, you are motivated by very deep interest in doing something positive for world; for improving people's lives in some way. It's important that you stay busy with the expression of your ideas and talents. You are best when unsupervised and independent in your work; at your worst when required to perform any sort of routine or overly systematized task. You're a bit on the high-strung side, and need to be sure of getting adequate relaxation and outside activities that allows the release of tensions. With your ability for controlled rational thinking, clear perception, and humanitarian concern, you surely have a lot to offer the world at large.

Rising sign is in Pisces:
Pisces Rising gives a flexible personality, with which you can easily hide your own traits and take on the characteristics of others. Despite your pleasant disposition and willingness to adapt to changing circumstance and the demands of other people, you can be surprisingly strong and determined. The strength of your character, however, is also determined by other important factors in your background. You have a highly emotional nature, with a quiet, shy personality. Compassionate feelings can be overwhelming, and you must watch the tendency to become a victim of your own vulnerability. Almost before you realize it, or in some cases because you actually seek it, you become your own worst enemy. You are not above using subterfuge and game-playing rather than direct confrontation to get what you want. If however, you develop self-confidence, these less-than-honest emotional ploys are not apt to surface in your personality or behaviour patterns. You have little understanding of how you appear to others. The influence of Neptune can also add an element of glamour or mystery to your appearance. You can for example, either photograph extremely well or your likeness on film may be extremely poor. In either case, photographs fail to capture your true appearance. Neptune and Jupiter blend together to create a highly imaginative personality and one which views life the way you want it to be, rather than the way it really is. Prone to feelings of abandonment, you often feel sorry for yourself and are easily disillusioned.

10 years

Thursday marked 10 years since David & I met! When I came home from work Judah (age 6) showed me this book of pictures he drew about it.

"How Mommy and Daddy met." (He drew David in a bow tie and his heart pumping blood, and me in a veil with flowers.)



"Mommy/Stephanie wrote a letter to Daddy."



"Daddy wrote a letter back."



Mommy sent Daddy a picture.



"Daddy sent mommy his story." (It was his childrens novel that was his masters thesis.)



"Daddy flies on a plane to meet Mommy."



"6-5-98"



(then he drew our family)



David saved his plane ticket to Texas that day.



Tomorrow will be the 10 year anniversary of when we got engaged. We met and 3 days later he asked me to marry him, and here we are 10 years later! I ruv you, Davy.

fursday

Last night I watched the first disc of the PBS New York documentary series and I can't stop thinking about it! I just want to keep watching it and never stop. I'm also reading "Not That You Asked" by Steve Almond and I don't want to stop reading that either. I'm sort of dreading being done with that book and then being sad it's over. I wonder if that's called pre-nostalgia.

I just read this about the women at the Mariners game who were told to stop kissing. This was my favorite part of the article:

Guerrero denied she and her date were groping each other, saying that along with eating garlic fries, they were giving each other brief kisses.

Why the garlic fries detail? Who would kiss anyone if they were eating garlic fries? Maybe if you were both eating them, though.

And that's not all they were eating at that game. No wonder they got kicked out.

My friend is embarking on a 30-Day Husband Encouragement Challenge. Which is interesting because I'm embarking on a 30-Day Dissing Your Husband challenge. I told her we'll compare notes when we're done.

wed nes day

Look, a 1946 Disney film called The Story of Menstruation. And then one on STDs!

My brother is so awesome. He sent me this yesterday.

From: John Hill
Subject: Letters from a nut --john style
Date: Tuesday, June 03, 2008

Hey Steph,
I overpaid a bill, and the right thing for them to do is cut me a check for the extra amount, which they have not done yet. They have provoked me, and here is my revenge-- an attempt at stilted 19th century english.

Love, John

Dear Sirs:

Upon receiving your latest correspondence, it was noted that there appears to be a positive balance of 41 dollars and nine cents in my account. I endeavor to close my account, and relinquish said balance in cheque form at all possible speed.
Respectfully yours, John Sanford Hill III

take a sniff, pull it out

Jason sent us a picture of a guy surfing and Becca said "He is EXTREME!" and I laughed for like five whole minutes. She said "He needs Doritos or some Mountain Dew with him." Which made me think of this Juicy Fruit ad from my youth (Ann-Krestene posted it awhile ago too). I was always riveted by that lady's voluminous bresticles when she pulls her shirt off. Knowing what I know now, maybe they're fake? This must be the wise perspective that getting old is supposed to bring.



I'd love to know what the director was saying while they were filming. "Act like you're having the best time of your life even though it's frickin frackin COLD out here!"