Wednesday, May 28, 2008

cute bowling

Let's do some cute bowling...

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...then eat a giant burger.

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And oh...more cuteness...this
adorable dog adopted orphaned baby bunnies!!

some of my detractors would have you believe the economy is not doing so well

I don't mean to keep posting so many youtube clips but...what do you think I DO all day? This one will never get old for me.



"Will that thing be back there the whole time?" "I'll use this weapon on that devil-horse if I have to." "They look like they could strike at any moment. You sure it's not a bear or a puma?"

Monday, May 26, 2008

george w. bush is funny

I really wouldn't want all the stupid stuff I do to be recorded and posted on youtube. But then, I also wouldn't run for president, so I'll laugh at George W. with a somewhat clear conscience.

Thursday, May 22, 2008

come over here babe and talk into the mic

We just had a fire drill at work, at 7:15 am. The alarms are so ungodly loud I have that ringing in your ears you have after seeing a show. I thought it might be a real fire and not a drill since we just had another fire drill two days ago, or else I might have hid in my office but we all herded out like cattle and once we got outside we stood in the drizzle shoulder-to-shoulder with twitching mental patients. But I like a bit of the surreal thrown into the totally invariably routine day.

I was thinking today about Rhonda - she was my best friend growing up and she went to a Church of Christ that seemed really weird to me because they didn’t have any instruments and almost all the people who went there were very old. When I would spend the night at her house we’d go to her church the next morning and have Sunday school in the musty freaky basement with lots of flannel graphs and pictures from the ‘50s of white European Jesus. This bald old man taught Sunday school, his name was Blondie and he told outrageous stories. One thing he loved to say all the time was "There are thousands of people lying in bed right now regretting what they did last night." He also liked to say that Baskin-Robbins was a good place for us to hang out because it was bright and had lots of light, and the bowling alley was a bad place because it was all dark. My very favorite is when he told us "You boys and girls are really lucky to have the mommies and daddies that you have, because there are lots of boys and girls out there whose parents go out and drink alcoholic beverages, and they come home and get the little children out of bed and line them up against the wall and say…" - he held up an imaginary gun, his arms quivering - "...'I’M GONNA SHOOT Y’ALL!'"

I swear that I am not exaggerating or making any of this up one bit.

Hey...pants for dogs.

Tuesday, May 20, 2008

amy walker's "21 accents" video

I liked this video of this girl Amy doing 21 accents.



The only two I didn't find believable were the Texas one and the South Carolina one. So now I'm curious: do you find her accent from wherever you're from believable?

Monday, May 19, 2008

6 things

1. Today I allowed myself only 5 minutes of self-contempt, and it was nice. Doing that all day is too exhausting.

2. These Loeffler Randall sandals make my mouth water and they're on eBay right now but the bidding starts at $485 and I sort of want to cry.

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3. But I did find this book on "Marriage Hygiene" from 1934 for only $5. Yay eBay after all! I'm sort of obsessed with vintage health and hygiene books, and vintage cookbooks...don't know why.

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3. I got this email today from Rhonda (aka Pie)

* * * * *
From: Pie
Subject: remember to floss

Rocky our cat has a piece of what is believed to be dental floss hanging out of his butthole. I'm trying to convince Heath to pull it out but he won't concede.

* * * * *

It made me smile because it's just like my grandaddy used to say, "That boy's too lazy to pull a greasy string out of a cat's ass."


4. The Miffy stop-animation is so adorable it makes me grit my teeth!

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5. The kids on the beach this weekend were even more adorable-er.

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6. I do look forward to the day when my daughter doesn't draw on our stuff with red lipstick. I love the combination of aqua and red, though. I predict it will be the new blue/brown.

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[Backstory: Little Lolly was locked in the bathroom and would not come out. She sounded muffled: "Hi mommy. No. No I won't open the door." I got daddy on speakerphone and put the phone under the door to talk to her, she was still muffled. "Hi daddy! Nope. Sowwy." After half an hour of jiggling various metal pointy things in the lock I finally got it open and the little button was curled up in the corner under a towel with lipstick renderings all over the mirror...she knew how naughty she'd been.]

dallas church sex sting

*Disclaimer - I'm about to go on a bit of a rant. And I'm gonna talk about Christianity and I know that makes some people uncomfortable so you don't have to read this.

I used to go to this church in Dallas where one of the pastors was arrested a couple days ago for soliciting a 13 yr old girl for sex. And here is the head pastor's response in this video statement - he says things like "Our staff will always be of the highest character." ... "Our witness will be pure and strong in this community." "We've taken a big hit from the enemy this week but we will rise above." "we will continue to lift up the name of our lord jesus christ in a responsible way." DUDE! The whole point of being a christian at all is that you are NOT of the highest character! It means you suck and you know it and that's why you are a christian, cause you need help from something, anything! Your witness will NOT be pure in your community because you are HUMAN! It can NEVER be pure because YOU are not pure! Your witness should be that of "I suck and I need god's help." I hate hate hate this posturing of "we will try hard and we will be moral for the glory of god!" It makes me sooo mad because God doesn't want us doing good deeds everywhere if we don't know how much we need him. Their hubris makes my stomach hurt.

dancing wiener dog

My kids love wiener dogs. Every day they ask for one and I compromise by saying we can watch wiener dogs on youtube. This one is their absolute favorite and it's my favorite too.

Thursday, May 15, 2008

lazy housekeeping

Look! The Slipper Genie! You clean your floors just by walking around with these on! This is the evolved version of what Karla and I used to do in our dorm room at UA (put tape on the soles of our feet and scoot around).

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This is random, but I'm taken with this floating staircase. Don't you want one?

This is what I overheard just now:

Shari: "Fox News says that beer rehydrates you better than water after a workout."

Alecia: "Yeah, well...consider the source."
I love my officemates.

Wednesday, May 14, 2008

marital congress!

I found this 1939 marital rating scale for wives. I think my score is probably about a -2.

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"The test was designed to give couples feedback on their marriages. Either husbands or wives could take the test, which rated wives in a variety of areas. For instance, if your wife "uses slang or profanity," she would get a score of five demerits. On the other hand, if she "reacts with pleasure and delight to marital congress," she would receive 10 merits. The test taker would add up the total number of merits and demerits to receive a raw score, which would categorize the wife on a scale from "very poor" to "very superior."

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The entire test is here.

**UPDATE** David and I took the whole test and scored each other and I got a 51 (average) and he got a 91! (very superior) He said "You know why that is though, compared to guys in 1939 I would be a fag. I do the dishes and help put the kids to bed. And you aren't like Beaver Cleaver's mom, you curse and gossip and fart on me and laugh about it."

Tuesday, May 13, 2008

weekend review

Simone & Rich was up here for the weekend and it was so much fun. They both happen to live in L.A. and they coincidentally came up the same weekend. We're still in grieving mode because they're gone. When Simone left, Judah was so sad he couldn't even say goodbye! Maybe I will get to visit her before the Supergrass west coast tour in July. We're going to all their shows out here, but if some financial miracle happens in the next couple of weeks I'll get to visit her in LA. We haven't gotten the George W. Bush Stimulates You check yet but it's already spoken for anyway. Money is such a pain. I wish I was an evolved Buddhist creature of no material desires, but I need retail therapy. And I need it now.

Simone is like an extended member of the family, except she's fun. Everyone clamors for her attention and company, Judah, Lolly, Davy & me. I sort of felt like the grouchy mommy half the time though since I was with my kids and had to reprimand and direct and clean and all that. I told her she was getting the full mommy experience because they wanted to 'play' first thing in the morning. David & Rich got back one night at 4 am and I heard the kids go into Rich's room at 7:30 am and play "In The Mood" at full volume on the synthesizer. I went in to rescue Rich just as Judah was putting his pinball game on Rich's chest with it making those ungodly pinball noises. So...official apology here to Rich & Simone. You are such good sports.

Lolly got a pecan stuck up her nose yesterday. David called me at work and I met him at the hospital. After wailing, bright lights and forceps, the pecan was out. She hollered another minute or so but then said "That didn't hurt at all!" and high-fived the doctor. Then we got ice cream. She is brave.

Here are some pictures from the weekend. Simone & Carrie are more fun than Taco Bell on the couch during a Real Housewives of NY marathon.

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Reaction shot from "The Room"

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Rich was here too. We love him. He doesn't look like a pastor, does he?

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David & Phil.

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Chet made this sign for his party

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Chet & Flora are sweet

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We went out for mothers day sushi.

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I'm special. I need a helmet instead of a crown.

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Monday, May 12, 2008

...and your name?

I took Simone to the original Starbucks for tourist purposes. When the girl asked my name I said "A-D-O-L-F" and she wrote it without hesitating. The fun part is having them yell "Adolf??" when it's ready.

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Thursday, May 8, 2008

i don't remember eating that

video

dumb concert bookers

Hee hee hee... (not super work appropriate, if you're at work listen with headphones)

Wednesday, May 7, 2008

stephy vs. the dress code policy

Today my boss called me into his office and closed the door. That means it's either really good or really bad. Boss said "The Big Boss said she saw that you are wearing jeans today, and that's against the dress code." Hysterical, right? They're my Nice Jeans, too. So I wrote this at the union's message board:

Today I was reprimanded for wearing jeans. I know the dress code says "no jeans" but I wore them because they are tailored Banana Republic jeans and less ratty than many things I see other people wearing. So after my reprimand today I went around the office and took a gander at what every one else was wearing. Here is what I saw:

-one cat sweatshirt

-one Hawaiian print shirt over a t-shirt that says "OINGO BOINGO"

-pleated khakis in abundance (ew, PLEATED? Have some self-respect!)

-exposed tattoos (supposedly against the dress code)

-skirts WITH white shoes and white socks. I mean, how much less professional (and less attractive) can you really make yourself?


Just my observations.

Tuesday, May 6, 2008

alt-tab

Last night was the end of the 13-week session with our group, but 4 of the 6 of us are going to keep meeting as a group (with 2 new people joining). We had all written down what we'll take away from the group and how each of us impacted us, and we had to read them to each other and I was bawling like a baby! People said the nicest things! I couldn't believe it. So it was really good but I'm super drained today.

So you know my favorite bad movie, "The Room", well here is an amazing interview done with its writer/director/producer/star, the inimitable Tommy Wiseau. Ryan said that Tommy "is like a cross between Ed Wood, Fabio, and something you would pull out of a shower drain." Watching this video gave me heart palpitations. He doesn't believe in rehearsals! That was not eneff emotion!

The quote of the day is brought to you by Simone. "I hope I can accept my kid's opinions. What will I do if they grow up to be Republicans who like bad music? Ugh. I don't know which is worse."

I'm going sort of heavy on the links today. Remember when people used to say HOTLINKS? Hahahahahaaa!!

judah's amazing art

I'm such a proud mommy. Here is some of my six-year-old's recent art.

He drew this Indian. (Can you say Indian anymore? Native American?) He is thinking about an arrow.

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Here is his epitaph he did for is now-deceased fish, Jon.

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He calls this one "The Dangerous Deadness."

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He calls this one "The Craziness."

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Monday, May 5, 2008

office banter via reply-to-all

This is an actual email thread that went around this morning.
H e l p. M e .

From: Boss
To: Office Staff
Date: 5/5/08
Subject: Dusting Each Friday

I've put 10 boxes of Swifter Dusters on the large table in the front of the department. Each box contains one handle and 5 unscented disposable dusters. A box of additional disposable dusters is in the office supplies cabinet.

Can you please pick up the dusters and work out how you are going to dust the tops the work cubicle areas; I suggest doing it each Friday before you go home.

Before I go home today I'll go ahead and take a look at all the tops of the cabinets and dust anything that was missed. Last, I'll also ask the housekeeping person to clean them once really good in the next few days so the tops of the cabinets aren't that terribly awful. As you know, dusting the tops of the work cubicles and areas where PC's sit are not permitted.

Let me know if you have any questions.


From: Lady
To: Office Staff, Boss
Subject: Re: Dusting Each Friday

Boss,
I'm confused. First you tell us to dust the tops of the work cubicle areas and then you say that dusting the tops of the work cubicles and areas where PCs sit are not permitted. Which is it?
Thks.

From: Boss
To: Office Staff
Subject: Re: Re: Dusting Each Friday

Housekeeping can't dust the PC's and where they are located; they are not permitted to dust the tops of the cubicles.

I really wasn't clear in my last sentence, that's true.

love love

Thursday, May 1, 2008

hillary vs. the coffee machine

Hee hee. She's all, how do the hoi polloi WORK these things?