new year, happy

Our Michael Scott/David Brent-esque boss was just in my office. He leaned against the blinds while chatting convivially with us and made this giant dent. We call it the Bill Dent.



In other what's-entertaining-Stephanie news, here’s Kathy Griffin on Anderson Cooper



and Sandra Lee’s gross Kwanzaa cake. Merry new year one and all.

random

I have this random realization, but I'm more convinced of it lately. It's amazing how many disappointing people are out there, and they're hardly ever who you'd initially peg as being like that. And too much of the time they are downright terrible. It sucks to think someone could be terrible but in a lot of ways you are doing yourself a favor when you can realize it. And they would never say they're terrible, they're usually people who think they're really pretty great and in on something. It's a sad realization but I think being aware of it brings you closer to the truth and helps you to protect yourself. A weird and happy and also random realization I've had too is that a lot of people you wouldn't have initially thought of as being that special turn out to be incredibly wonderful. It's amazing to find these people who are safe and nurturing, it makes me feel like someone is looking out for me.

christmas in the south

My friend Tara from high school sent me these pictures. She's home in Arkansas for Christmas and took a picture of the tree her mom sets up in her room every year. It's one of 11 in the entire house and I asked her to photodocument all of them. She said she's on it, and here are the upstairs trees. It makes me miss Christmas back home!

merry

Behold, he makes all things new. Joyeaux noel!

melissa etheridge on rick warren

I thought this was pretty beautiful. What do y'all think?

korean boy singing mariah carey's"all i want for christmas"

blah blah blog

The news is saying to stock up on emergency supplies cause of the impending snowstorm. I hate the news. The news is such a dick! I hope they're lying again and I can still drive and get coffee. Cause that's all I really want to do anyway. Well I guess I could walk to get coffee. Okay, never mind. Carrie was cracking me up, she said "I want to be the first person in my office to remark forebodingly, 'It's snowing.'"

Tonight I made play-doh (green, for Christmas you know), then I made one-pot chicken and rice, then I made marshmallows but I made those after the kids were in bed because I just know they would not get out of my space while I was making marshmallowy goodness. Wow, what other things can I bore you with? Are you still reading? I want this headboard from the evil empire of Wal-Mart.



And this conedog pillow that Jen told me about!



And hey look at this glass. I have no idea how to find it. That article is pretty interesting though.

I heard Adam Carolla talking about the kid named Adolf Hitler and how they wouldn't write it on the birthday cake, and he said "Why wouldn't they write it? Your name could be Penis Mc-N-word and I would write it on the cake." PENIS MC N WORD!! HAHAHA!

the choice of rick warren

**THE OPINIONS EXPRESSED IN THIS BLOG HAVE CHANGED SINCE IT WAS WRITTEN. THESE ARE DETAILED IN THE COMMENTS. -Ed.**

I know a lot of people are mad about Rick Warren being chosen by Obama to do the invocation. I can really understand that, because Rick Warren opposes gay marriage and that is interpreted as very unloving and bigoted by people who are gay. And I can absolutely understand that. But I feel like it's an okay move. I think Obama is showing some diplomacy and fairness with this, because a lot of the country doesn't agree with gay marriage and I think this could be a beautiful way to be diplomatic towards the other side. The laws will turn around on gay marriage and it will become legal, I'm not worried about that. They made interracial marriage legal and they'll make gay marriage legal too before long, and rightfully so. God's will won't be thwarted by a law, if anyone is concerned about that. Obama's being strategic and in the political arena you're going to really hack some people off, but I think he's sacrificing some battles to win the war, like they said in Girls Just Wanna Have Fun. The movie, not the song. I'm sure you knew that though.

inclement weather policy

Getting to work today involved pre-dawn walking through snow drifts and getting on the 6:10 bus into Seattle which was crawling sorta slowly but we made it. Once we were downtown though the buses weren't going up the hill so I walked up it. I saw cars spinning around in circles and careening through intersections. That added some excitement to my resentment for the cold and the incline. I'm sitting here watching huge flakes fall down and it's so pretty and magical but I'm definitely a grown-up cause I've got my mind on how to get home and stay out of the snow as much as possible. Once I get home I'm making peppermint marshmallows with red swirls in them for the kids (I got the peppermint swirl idea from Tiffany) and also dark hot chocolate to put them in. This is my snow day policy.

Oh! So yesterday Shari was listening to this radio show she listens to every day called the Men's Room, she loves it and has met the guys at events and stuff. So she was saying "Steve is talking about his wife and I just wonder if she's black or white. He's talked about her before but he hasn't said of course, and I'm just curious because he's black. I'm thinking maybe she's not black though because he says she has a flat booty." I said "I'll email and ask him for you" and she loved that. So I emailed this to Steve:

Dear Steve.

You've talked about your wife Betsy a couple of times and we can't tell if she's black or white. We think that maybe she's not black because you've said her booty isn't that big and also, her name is Betsy. Come on. But you did say she looks like she's smuggling two bald men under her shirt (on your first date, remember?) and so that makes us think she's a white chick with implants.

Please guide me.

Love always,
stephy

So within 30 minutes I got this email back from him:

Well, her boobs are real, but she's Jewish/ Catholic. Jews don't consider themselves white, so whatever. Anyway, she's not black, but I'm not one of those people who cares about such things.

I tried to reply and ask him another annoying question but he had BLOCKED ME! My email came right back and said that doman was set to reject my emails. Shari said "Are you really surprised?"

Look at these old people rapping in a church choir! I like the Hey Ya part best. No wait, I like Hot In Here (Herre? Herrre?) best.

funniest thing i've seen in nine hundred years!!!!

Between Two Ferns with Zach Galifianakis by Between Two Ferns

fa la la la la

Look how cute Joel McHale is with his baby boy on Keith Olbermann.



How come everything I want is so expensive? It sucks. For Christmas all I mainly want is these running pants for cold weather and of course they're like $89. I'd almost rather have some Seven jeans for that, or half a pair rather. And I want this running shirt that wicks (that word is funny) but also keeps you warm and of course that is like $45. Dammit. Other than that though, all I really need is a good book and I'm happy. Happy happy happy. (Okay, and maybe this sweater.)

Today my boss is wearing his super amusing American flag sweater. In a meeting this morning I wrote down some of his quote for Shari since she's not here, and we think he's hilarious without meaning to be. Here are some of the things he said with great seriousness:

"I may have forgotten, for which I apologize if I did. My apologies."

"Take a look at the symptomology and diagnosticity."

"I want to answer that question definitively for you."

"I may not have been as precise as I should have been."

"We will make it unequivocal."

10 years today

10 years ago today David and I got married in Wichita Falls, Texas. I love you Davy!

wieners

Okay, so, please don't judge me. By no fault of my own, I maintain, I found this link to a book called The Big Penis Book. It's a French something or other book on the history of big wieners. I think it imagines itself to be art and doesn't think it's straight up dirty or anything, but it's not something you want lying around the house when you have small children underfoot. Well, I guess a book on wieners has to be at least a little bit dirty. Why am I trying to justify this?? So I found it mentioned in the NY Times and went to see if it was a joke, but they do have it at Amazon. The site doesn't have pictures but here is a review:

Oh dear. I am a 70 year old woman and I just happened across this big penis book in my son's room. My son is 45 years old and still single. I think he might be gay. That said, his big penis book is now in my room under my bed. So now my 45 year old single son is probably gay and angry. Well, he should get a job anyway or at least go find some real penis and stop reading about them in books like this. Good Lord this is a big penis book. And I love a big penis. And so does my son, apparently. I give this book ten thumbs up. I can't believe I never knew he was gay. He should get a job. Maybe as a dancer. Anyway, if you like a big penis, you will like this big penis book. Lord there are big penis's in this book. I mean big. Oh dear.

simonegrass

I'll make this short. Last night Simone got to go-go dance onstage with Supergrass at Shepherds Bush in London. I'm so happy for her and also so jealous I could kill her. But here's a pic, she's on the right.



No idea who took this, thanks to whomever did and posted it. Same with this crappy video! For diehard fans only.

disappointment

I took my 4 hour credentials exam today and found out I didn't pass. I came close though, which is a little consoling and then it makes me mad. I just hate that all that studying I did was time away from my kids that I'll never get back. And now I have to do more of it. So that's what's hard about it for me, besides the fact that I feel like I'm not smart at things like this and suck ass at standardized tests. (At standardized everything.)

I want to let myself be sad about it. I can't retake it for 90 days minimum which is very good. I just won't think about it for a month and I'll focus on Christmas around here. And painting our room with chalkboard paint and getting a rad headboard and all white bedding. That is my new plan. Stan.

december so far

Lighting the first candle of Advent


Making the gingerbread house




Macy's window

the kids' letters to santa

Here is what they had me write:

From the 3 yr old:
Dear Santa,
I want to have something for Christmas that is a dolly, and a bear that is pink and his name is called Beary and his last name is Isabel, and I really want a Barbie toy and a pony and she named [sic] is Nesso Nessa. And I want a big stroller for my dollies with fishies on it, and another bear that is purple with two names, Isabel Drury. And I probably want a Barbie toy that has a horse. And I really want another bear that's blue. And I want a pink sweater and that's all. The end.
Love, R.

From the 6 yr old:
Dear Santa,
I want to get a Wii and a remote controlled helicopter that's about five feet tall. And a snowboard and an electric guitar with "amplers" (amplifiers). And I would like a singing gingerbread house and a Chinese flag and a little toy airplane that I can fly in that can fit four passengers. I want to get a Lego rollercoaster set and a tv and a BB gun and a fog machine. The end.
J.

my favorite parts from 'elf'

facebook statuses (stati?)

Nathaniel just sent me this hilarious message.

I have a weird facebook "friend" who supposedly went to my highschool, but I don't remember her. There's no pic of her, only a flower. She writes odd entries on her wall and says she wants to be a poet, but writes the worse Hallmark-style verse. Anyway, her current entry:

"Lori is upset with her husband micah. he yelled at me today, and he told me that he doesn't care about me or my diabtetes." (her spelling)

I'm just not sure facebook is the place. Is she hoping to get people to comment? "I'm sure you can work it out, girl!" "OMG What a jerk!"

That got me thinking, I should start writing stuff like that on mine and see what happens!

"Nathaniel is mad at his wife Tanya for farting in bed and eating all the Dots."

It could be fun.