silly, silly astrology

Once upon a time I ordered an astrology book. When it came in the mail David said “I can’t believe you spent money on that! That’s like buying a Ouija board!” I said “But astrology gets personality traits right” and he said “You know why that is, don’t you? Because of the devil.” He is such a Sagittarius. Anyway, I think astrology is fun because the personality assessments are right. Because of the devil. I don’t pay attention to what day-by-day stuff is and what it says you should do when, but the personality stuff is so intriguing. My coworker Alecia (Capricorn on the Aquarius cusp) and I plotted out our planets, Alecia’s way into it and knows what everything means and when we first met she thought I was a Pisces. I’m an Aquarius but my rising (ascendant) sign is in Pisces and whatever your rising sign is is the impression you give when people first meet you. Seeee? Huh? Huh? It’s true! Ha ha. I plotted out my planets yesterday at this site and it was fun. It’s extremely silly that the positioning of a planet would affect someone’s personality, and what’s the time of birth distinguishing what the planets to you? If anything I’d think it would be at conception. Logically and scientifically astrology is total b.s. But why is it so right on? Probably the devil again. That tricky devil.

And all of you cynics and naysayers and people who say this sparks a long, slow slide into the occult can take a bite of my big black caucus.

So here are my planets and what they mean to my personality. I feel ever so much more in touch with myself.

My Sun sign (main sign) is Aquarius.

Traditional Aquarian Traits:

Friendly and humanitarian
Honest and loyal
Original and inventive
Independent and intellectual
Intractable and contrary
Perverse and unpredictable
Unemotional and detached

LIKES: Fighting for Causes, Dreaming and Planning for the Future, Thinking of the Past, Good Companions, Having Fun

DISLIKES: Fake Promises, Excessive Loneliness, The Ordinary, Imitations

My moon is in Aquarius. The Moon is said to rule your personality, while the Sun rules your individuality. The Sun influences our total self or our personality. The Moon represents the more of our inner world of feelings and emotions, and how we feel about ourselves.

Traditional traits: Sociable, Perverse, Independent, Altruistic, Demanding, Unflappable

My ascendant is in Pisces.
Your rising sign is your physical self or the face you present to the world. For example, though your Sun sign might be Taurus, your rising sign could very well be Gemini. While you're feeling laid-back, others will tend to see you as a ball of nervous energy and cerebral wit. At times, your rising sign may act as a mask, hiding some aspect of your inner self you don't feel like revealing.

Traditional traits: "Go with the flow" seems to be a Pisces rising motto. Although often quiet and shy, another day may find them talkative and passionate. They are hugely impressionable, have a dreamy disposition, and project a soft-hearted personality. Resists any kind of labeling. Theirs is a restless, searching nature that cannot be happy with any one way of living or being. Too much organization or structure can be seen as very limiting. Pisces rising people walk around with their heads in the clouds, and even when you do have their attention, their dreaminess is almost always apparent. They seem to need a practical, realistic partner. Pisces rising people often possess an irresistible charm that comes on in a quiet way, with a soft aura about them. Both their appearance and mannerisms are usually quite intriguing.

My Mercury is in Aquarius. (So much Aquarius going on with me…)
Mercury is the planet of communication.

People with their mercury in Aquarius generally come across as intellectual sorts. They think in abstract terms and can be quite argumentative, but their emotions are not necessarily behind these arguments. They simply look for intellectual stimulation. They are adept at taking overviews of situations, and are particularly concerned about how everyone and everything relates to each other. They have many interests, can be objective and detached in their thought and communication processes, and may be inclined to think more than act.

This position of Mercury strengthens the intellect, gives a good memory and a strong comprehensive mind capable of much hard work. Intuitive insights and original reasoning ability produce the occasional touch of genius - you often comprehend issues that others find quite incomprehensible. Your mind is open to any new experiences; subjects such as metaphysics, occultism, astrology, technology and science will have intellectual appeal. You enjoy the mental stimulation of friendships and function best within a group environment. This position often denotes mental and educational activities in the home. Parents are likely to be well educated or place an unusually high priority upon learning. This position may relate to changeable home conditions or in some way, a nomadic life-style. Being somewhat high-strung and easily irritated, you may find it hard to relax.

My Venus is in Pisces.
Venus is the planet of love and money.

You are capable of a high degree of refinement your love and caring for other people. You may "collect" people who are in difficulties, and whom you wish to help. You enjoy music and may be a musician. Through music you can transcend the material and seek transcendence.

Venus in Pisces indicates a romantic, gentle, compassionate, sympathetic, sensitive and idealistic emotional nature. A born romantic, you will genuinely marry for love - not money or prestige. A strong partner is needed to give you emotional stability and security.

Venus in the fifth house produces an attractiveness to the opposite sex, a very appealing romantic nature, and a general love of life. You are well liked and have a deep love of children, and you should make an excellent parent or child advocate. Creative talent in the performing arts is often associated with this placement.

My Mars is in Capricorn.
Mars is the planet of passion.

You are extremely energetic and can keep going even when others have called it a day. You are a great organiser, ambitious and a workaholic. You can be unkind to those you think do not follow procedures or whom you consider lazy. You are ambitious, but realistic and follow methods that are tried and true. You are very enterprising but you start new enterprises with prudence and reserve, rather than impulsively.

Mars in Capricorn indicates that you will assert yourself in a practical, rational, self-controlled, disciplined, well-organised, persistent, structured, effective and efficient manner. Conventional and conservative, much of your energy is channelled into professional ambition and social advancement - you like to see practical results for your efforts and take pride in doing a job correctly. On occasion you can be calculating, selfish, materialistic and show a total disregard for others.

The Mars third house placement denotes an aggressive, active intellect. You are quick thinking and resourceful, but you sometimes jump to conclusions a little too quickly. Your speech is direct and sharp. You are apt to get into arguments with family members, and when you do, you are not the least bit shy about pointing out their personal deficiencies. You are always rushed. In matters of the mind, you are highly competitive.

My Jupiter is in Pises.
Jupiter is the planet of luck. (Luck is about as logical as astrology, right?)

You are a mystic as well as a philanthropist. Your faith, devotion, and trust in a Higher Order sustains you, and you draw protection from the unseen realms. Part of your soul function has to do with work on the inner planes through prayer and meditation.

Jupiter in Pisces gives you the opportunity to develop true wisdom, compassion, sympathy and emotional warmth. Devout feelings, spiritual yearning, strong imaginative and intuitive faculties and the capacity for secluded study and meditation may produce genuine mystical enlightenment. These qualities are necessary in order to expand your personality and life experiences. At some stage of life you may make a great personal sacrifice in order to fulfill your ideal of worthwhile service.

You are able to proceed through life very much on the strength of your character. While life is essentially an enjoyment for you, you are apt to feel an inner drive for personal expression and the need to make a contribution to society. Jupiter in the fifth house often produces success in teaching, politics, the ministry, or in the entertainment business. Often, this placement denotes a rather large family or a significant association with children.


My Saturn is in Cancer.
Saturn is the planet of karma.

In order to succeed in your social position in the world you will have to gain knowledge and expertise associated with emotional strength and control in order to gain a real sense of self-worth. Inhibitions, hypersensitivity and early emotional instability will have to be overcome, and much effort will be required in order to fully understand your emotional, feeling nature. Life experience will force you to learn valuable lessons related to the above issues and many domestic, family and romantic confrontations will have to take place to help hasten the restructuring process. Emotional security and self-acceptance will eventually come from a true knowledge of self and an ability to focus inwardly, away from the emotional dependency of others.

Saturn in the ninth house of higher education, philosophy, religion and travel denotes a stable and practical philosophy of life. The placement explains the chief reason that you are probably not one who can easily accept concepts such as astrology. You are highly orthodox in religion, education, and business. You hold to both the letter and spirit of the law. You are very exacting and focused, possessing very strong administrative skills, especially in the fields of religion, education, publishing, or the law. You are likely to be politically conservative.

My Uranus (huh huh) is in Scorpio.
Uranus is the planet of rebellion.

You have the ability to receive intuitively from the planetary mind new ways to substantially transform the society as it is presently operating, especially on a worldly and sexual level. Disruption occurs by holding on to outmoded ideas.

Uranus resides in the first house exerting its erratic behavior in the personality. This placement suggests that you may often be said to "march to a different drummer." Individuality is very strong in your nature, and you want freedom in your personal behavior. People may view you as eccentric, very unusual, or preferably, somewhat advanced. You are eccentric in many ways, and common sense doesn't always figure in your actions. The positive side of this placement is that you are very inventive, but a willful nature and impulsiveness restrict your progress and effectiveness.

(I don't really pay attention to the last two planets cause everyone born within 100 years have them. And one of them isn't supposed to even be a planet anymore.)

Hey, did you know that ligers are REAL? I didn't.