Friday, January 11, 2008

imperfect parenting

Tonight I talked to David's Aunt Lucy on the phone for almost 2 hours. We made a connection a long time ago because we're both working through really hard, painful crap. She's got a big heart and likes to call and check in on me and it's really validating that she cares and it's inspiring to talk with someone who is brave enough to work through their stuff and face all that pain with the hope of moving past it and being free of it. When she calls she just wants to know how I am and wants me to know she's praying for me, and it's just what I need. Tonight after we'd been talking awhile I told her yesterday I got mad at Judah and that night he told me I had hurt his feelings. I was telling Lucy this because I felt so bad about it, just really guilty. Judah and I talked awhile about it and he saw that I had tears in my eyes and was really truly sorry, and I told him how I make mistakes and asked him to forgive me. He was so sweet and soft-hearted about it but I still felt guilty about it which is why I was telling Lucy and she said "You're doing it right, Stephanie! You went to him and invited him to talk about his feelings, which is huge. And then he saw how sorry you were. That's redemption, that's healing." It was good to hear her say that because I was feeling guilty for not being perfect, but I can't be perfect, but I can handle it the right way when I mess up and that gives me hope.


D. Lee Grooms said...

This is beautiful—if you were a perfect parent, that would deny him the chance to see repentance and to offer forgiveness. Perfect parents can't teach grace. Love y'all.

California Girl said...

No one is perfect and you have let him know that even though you are his parent, you some times do things that aren't always nice. Good for you for being honest enough with him to show how badly you felt and how you wanted to make it up to him. You're a good person.

ShariMacD said...

Oh, Stephy, you're such a great mom! The whole world should be so lucky as to have a mom like you!!! Think about it: If we never screwed up, we'd never have to tell our kids "I"m sorry." And if we don't tell them that, show them how to make things right, they'll never learn. And who wants to raise kids who can't say "I'm sorry"?

You're doing great, girlfriend. I have a theory that our parents' generation weren't raised to say "sorry" to kids, so it was hard for them to do (though some of them did it). Our generation is learning to say it more, and maybe our kids' generation will say it more, still. Maybe this is part of the evolutionary arc of how humans learn to be better human beings. Maybe it's just the messiness of being in relationship. Either way, you're doing things the right way, and I'm so proud of you!


Kami Crawford said...

I think its very powerful to let your kids know that YOU know you're not perfect. Because one day they will learn that and I'd rather they heard it from me then some other way. I agree with Lee, you walking Judah through what true repentance and forgiveness means is such a powerful thing to teach your kids. Ben and I are trying to do the same thing.