I got a talking-to at work on Friday because I suck and then I cried in the boss's office. I don't like crying in the boss's office. He felt bad and kept saying "don't cry, you're a nice person" and I was like "but being a nice person isn't enough, duh." Whenever I tell someone what I do they say "that doesn't sound like you" but I've managed to bumble through the workplace for nine years now because I don't like feeling like I'm sitting around doing nothing but I also don't like being scolded for sucking at work. While I was trying not to cry I was concentrating on boss's Cartman and Kenny action figures on his desk and willing them to watch over me. But I cried anyway.
At least boss is nice. He gave me a hug and then sent me this email and said "You're smart and not only do I have confidence in you I'll help you." Since that surprises me maybe deep down I don't think I'm smart or competent. But I know I'm good at dicking around on the internet. I wish I could capitalize on that somehow, that and sleeping.
Maybe I should send my Hammerhead manuscripts to a publisher and be a stay-at-home mom and get a Sensible Haircut and wear mom jeans.
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7 comments:
You poor thing. I hate crying at work too. I cried when I got fired once from a job I had for six days that I hated anyway. That's why they fired me! Because they could tell I hated it. It was just too much money and I thought I had to suffer it. Still embarassing.
I cry easily and goof off too much. At least find comfort in knowing that I'm as bad, if not worse than you are.
DO: send manuscripts out, peeps eat that stuff up.
DONT: ever, ever, ever, please oh please don't ever invest in mom jeans. it doesn't suit you.
Hope you're feeling better.
I'll buy your book when it's published.
If I send you a cheque, could you send a pair of them mom jeans to the U.K. for me. I'm a 32", 33".
I was fired from a secretarial job, for sucking. I was also fired as a word processing person, for sucking. I like to think that smart people often suck at work that doesn't sufficiently utilize their talents. Of course, I was fired for sucking, so of course I would wan to to think that. And of course I do. But I still think my sucking theory is dead on. And smart, sassy you is just proving my point. Just one more reason why I adore you. Suck on, sister!
Yours in suckitude,
Shari
When I got fired (from selling speakers out the back of a van on the beltway outside DC), I went to the TV station and identified the boss in some footage they had of the warehouse. (They didn't know who was in charge and were misidentifying him, because he kept sending his flunky out to talk to the press.) They couldn't use my "testimony" because of the accent, but I told them everything I knew. Then I called the IRS and dobbed them in.
Hell hath no fury like mine.
Sorry your boss was a nice ass while being an ass. That makes it harder.
You really should publish Hammerhead stories. They are ACE. Think about Dilbert. You are MUCH funnier than that and Dilbert sells every single day.
I sucked at my first job at a grocery store. For six months as a cashier my drawer would be counted at the end of the night, and the amount of money that was supposed to be in there always came out under.
Sad part is I didn't even steal it. I wasn't taught properly how to put in for the coupons and we had these particular ones called triple coupons that really fucked me up. So I know that had to do with my problem. But becuase I would work overtime and fill in for people when needed, my boss gave me a second chance and transferred me to bakery.
Much better job! I'd come in and my boss would leave. I got to eat all the cookie dough I wanted and had friends visit often because I was almost always unsupervised. Things always have a way of working themselves out!
Oh and those mom jeans couldn't make a woman's ass any flatter. One of my co-worker's wears them and I really want to say something but I don't have the nerve.
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