Thursday, January 29, 2009

for whom the dong tolls

First of all, you know I'm certifiable, right? Second of all, you know I think the word "dong" is really funny, right? Third of all, yesterday Simone was saying that a dong should be able to gong a gong. I thought that was hilarious of course and David said it sounded like Dr. Seuss. Then he wrote this poem. I think it's brilliant.

"If Your Dong Can't Gong a Gong"
A Lost Dr. Seuss Poem
by David Drury

If your dong can't gong a gong, with a ringing kind of banging song
It may not be a dong you see, for a tiny branch makes not a tree.

It may not be a dong at all, for with one brick can you build a wall?
With one inch can you make ten? Not without a nine-inch friend.

But don't despair all day long, if your gongless dong can't gong a gong
Some ears find queer that ringing kind of banging song.

Some say bricks are better than walls, (go ahead, say it if you've got the balls)
For if Humpty Dumpty had shunned that old wall (for it was very very tall)
And chosen rather to sit on a brick, like some tiny dickless dick
Would he have fallen? No , not at all.

if your dong can't gong a gong, with a ringing kind of banging song
It may not be a dong you're swinging, but a ding you're ting-ting-tinging

"Dang!" You declare. "What is a ding?"
A ding is a tinkling tiny thing. A whimper, a whisper, a sad little chime
A quivering prayer on the tongue of a mime.

A ding is not wrong, but it can't gong a gong, with a ringing kind of banging song
A ding is a cock, but it aint no bling bling, it can't fly a kite, it can't wear a sock.
It can't do impressions of Sinatra or Cash, can't smoke a cigar or dash the forty yard dash.

Nothing can make a ding a dong, not pills or pumps or pulling all day long
But what can make a dong a ding? Lots and lots of frightful things
A well-placed kick, a girl who clings
Or one who shows her pad with wings
These are dreadful, frightful things

Who most likely has a ding? Any inbred English king.
Fabio is surely cursed, Dane Cook, Cher and Fred Durst.
Cheech: ding
Chong: dong
but then again they hit the bong
That will really ding your dong.

This sing-ey song is long as a listing dong. Left or right? No right or wrong.

So if you can, then gong that gong with a ringing kind of banging song
And if you can't, then buy a Chevy, find a girl who's getting heavy
She'll cook and clean and do the baking, and if she's loud, she's probably faking.

But whether ding or whether dong, never ever wear a thong. That is wrong.

14 comments:

Rye said...

Ahem.

Good Girls Studio said...

my sides hurt from laughing soo hard!

I'm not sure how I stumbled upon this place of yours but I may have to stay a bit :)

stephy said...

Yay! Please stay. It's a lovely place to visit, or I'd like to think. Please sample the spinach dip.

my girl hazel said...

I think David has too much time on his hands...

stephy said...

It seems that way! I wish I had all day to sit around and write about dongs. He wrote it while watching Mad Men last night. Multitasking.

the nibbling marmot said...

Dong is such a good word. It seems like you two are a good match for one another.

gala said...

made my day.

Team Wolfisaki said...

WHAT? Am i missing Mad Men?!?! Man, Dave is brilliant, i swear. He sets the bar, and i mean that sincerely.

Anonymous said...

David,
give some of that good shit you've been smoking

iohph.com said...

This entry is kind of old now.
But I just read it for the first time.
And I'm in awe.

stephy said...

Isn't it amazing? See why I married him? Who can resist someone with a way with words like that? haha

Daniel Kirk said...

Wow. Could that make it into a post entitled "Christian culture likes stuff that Christian culture is not supposed to like"?

stephy said...

Good thing he's putting that masters in theology to good use.

Robin said...

Bang a gong
with your dong
but give me some
of what's in your bong.