fondue

Here are some pictures from the Newbill’s fondue ‘70s party two weeks ago when Simone was visiting. Thanks for the rad time Newbills and for going to a party where you didn’t know anyone, Simone!

nothing spesh

We got back from Christmas yesterday. I don’t know why I didn’t ask off work today. Carrie said she “whole-hoggedly” wishes she had, too. Whole-hoggedly, ha ha!

David’s playing a gig tonight but this year for new year’s eve I just want to sit on the couch and I. Don't. Care. I don't even feel old, or at least I don't feel guilty about it. Maybe this is the liberation they say comes with your thirties. Maybe I'll just tell myself that.

I got two particularly exciting texts last night, one from Michelle who said Joel McHale was at Neumo’s sitting at the bar and she had talked to him for 10 minutes. Where am I when these things happen?! Then Simone texted me "I just told Jack Black about Lolly saying 'thaaaat's my life!'" (The context for that story is that Neil Hamburger says “but thaaaat’s my life” and yesterday I told Lolly “If you go on the potty you get candy” and she said “Thaaat’s my life!” Not that we let Lolly listen to Neil Hamburger but I guess she’s heard us say that random catchphrase.)

I have no more details about the Jack Black story but am anxious for them.

the snuggler!

This was on Tim & Eric's Awesome Show Great Job! last night and I laughed so hard I was coughing.

safe people and boundaries

I’m finally figuring out how important it is to have ‘safe’ people around you. I’ve read these books over the last year.

Safe People by Dr.Henry Cloud. Here’s some from it:

The safe person doesn’t make you feel like either a child or a parent. He takes ownership of his life, talents and values. He wants to seek righteousness on his own, but with your consultation, not your approval. And he wants you to flourish in your life without needing his approval, even if you disagree.

You know you’re around a safe, adult person by the following characteristics:

She is not threatened by your differences.
She has standards, values and convictions she’s worked out for herself.
At the same time she doesn’t have a “right way” and a “wrong way” for everything.
She functions on at least the same level of maturity as her peers.
She appreciates mystery and the unknown.
She encourages me to develop my own values.

Here are some traits to look for in your relationships:

Are they living up to their commitments to me?
Are they here for me only when I’m here?
Do they tell me no when they don’t have time (as opposed to saying yes out of feeling pressured?)
Do they make promises they can’t keep?
Do others warn me about their pattern of relating?

Here’s a bit from this one, Boundaries and Relationships by Charles Whitfield:

The first principle is that the people from whom we may obtain assistance and feedback should be safe. We should be able to trust them to be real with us and have most of the characteristics of safe people. Safe people tend to listen to you and hear you. They accept the real you and validate your experiences and other material that you may tell them about your inner life. They are clear and honest with you and nonjudgmental of you. Their boundaries are also appropriate and clear. They tend to be direct with you and not triangle others into conflicts that may develop between the two of you. Finally, they are supportive and loyal, and the relationship with them feels authentic.

By contrast, unsafe people may not really listen to you or hear what you are actually saying, although they may pretend to do so. … They often reject or invalidate the real you and your inner life experience. They may be judgmental or false with you. They are often unclear in their communications. Their boundaries are often blurred and they may send you mixed messages. They may be indirect with you, often triangling in others when they are in conflict with you. Rather than being supportive, they may be competitive or even betray you. Overall, the relationship just feels contrived.

Not all of these characteristics are absolute…however, over time, these characteristics and others may be helpful in differentiating who is safe and unsafe.


Here are questions that this book deals with, Boundaries by Dr. Henry Cloud

Can I set limits and still be a loving person?

What are legitimate boundaries?

What if someone is upset or hurt by my boundaries?

How do I answer someone who wants my time, love, energy or money?

Why do I feel guilty or afraid when setting boundaries?

Aren’t boundaries selfish?

Anyway, this stuff is encouraging. I want to be a safe person and gravitate towards others who are. If everyone had better boundaries the world would be a better place, like Tommy Wiseau says.

the latest of us

mumsey

I have a dear friend who sent me this email and I asked her permission to put it at my blog - she said yes, so I thought I’d post it because it's poignant. She’s lived a lot and has a lot of heart.

In my previous marriage Stephanie, church involvement was a high priority for my husband. My parents were good people and we all were raised with church activities being an integral part of our lives. But I will never forget the one time my mother spoke to me about "being a Christian". She told me that while some professed their faith their actions were not always consistent with Christ's teachings. I saw that evolve in my marriage because my husband professed a calling but his actions spoke otherwise. Over the course of my 61 years I have witnessed others and we all of course can read or listen to all the misguided souls who use their faith as a "coat of many colors".

The biblical passage of "Faith, Hope and Charity or Love" in some texts gives us the very ground rules for following Christ. If these are not part of ones outward expression of living then from His teachings one cannot consider "them" to be Christians.

Some people do not have the capacity to express love. Some cannot by their genetic makeup- others by experience. Because I can feel and express love I cannot fathom how those that cannot must feel. How empty their lives must be. And in that case they have to fill this void with what they deem is "love" for mankind. Using the church must be how [certain people] survive themselves. And to not "suffer the little children to come unto me" must be a void that can best be described as hell on earth.

For you to have the capacity to love others, especially David, Judah and Lollie is a blessing- it is Grace. For you to love [these people] - the ability to love without reciprocation- is being Christian. While one can only want all to love them in return, I would want only the love of the innocent (pure)- and accept the attempt of love by the guilty (sinner).

I am so very sorry that [they] are this way- I truly pity them. And so must you. But, for you to "live" allow only those that truly love you into your life and rejoice in their gifts. And for those that cannot love you give them up to the Lord as only He can help them.

More later, and sent with so much agape

Mumsey

P.S. My stepdaughter calls me Mumsey!

tommy wiseau speaks!

Here is an interview with Tommy Wiseau about my favorite movie at the moment! I've seen it 11 times in the past three months and we're having a screening at our house again tomorrow night. Bring your friends!

nine years

Nine years ago today we got married in Wichita Falls, Texas.



I'm happy to say we're still going strong.

a whole can of black olives

Heheh:



Today I was absently sort of saying "Who likes to rock the party?" from that Flight of the Conchords song and Judah said eagerly "I do! I like to rock the party!"

I'm reading Slash's autobiography and it's so hard to put it down. I'm going to go back to reading it right now.

this wishlist making thing is addictive

I think you condition yourself to not really think too much about what you want that you probably can't have and if you let yourself start to think "what if?" no ideas come at first but then they start trickling in. I can't believe I didn't put a piano in my first list. Not that we have space for it. But I'd MAKE space.



A Rhodes would be super fun



And maybe some Justin boots.



and birdiful Anthropologie bedding

silly wishlist

If Mr. Hanky came down from heaven and gave me excellent presents this is what he would give me.









These Michael B. bands


The Colette pattern and these radical lamps. I don't really need a Hello Kitty assault rifle but it's comforting to know they exist.

And I might as well hope...a Birkin bag or a Lanvin, either would do.

carrie's award-winning blog

Carrie's blogging wins an award from me today. I loved this entry!

diamond hoo-ha men

Supergrass has a new side project, radical.

favorite quotes this week

"The kids kind of do the opposite of help." - Shane, on decorating for Christmas with your kids

"I love pictures of food, it's like destructible art." - Alison

"I regret sinking down to that level of discourse. But Paris is a terrible role model and a terrible young woman. She needs to be ignored. I work with people who have 12-, 13-, 14-year-old girls who are fascinated by her. They look up to her, and that's not great. You can buy videotapes in which you can see her bejanis." - Tina Fey

"Ugh. Go send a text message." - Gregg, when disgusted

"Five minutes? That's my favorite long!" - Judah

The Hipster Olympics, this is extra funny.

but singing seems to work fine for me

Two nights ago at bedtime Lolly requested, as usual, the “cowboy song” which means Sweet Baby James. When I got to the line “now the first of December was covered with snow” I realized it was the first of December, and it had snowed buckets for the first time all year. I always sing Austin instead of Boston, like James Taylor did when I saw him in Austin way back when.

Last night she asked for the cowboy song again, and after the first verse she held her hand up and said “That’s enough. Now, Yellow Submarine.” So I sang that until she said “That’s enough mommy. Now, Blackbird.” Then after having enough of that one she said “Okay, now the cowboy song.” And I sang that one again and she flopped over and said “good night, mommy. I love you so much. We a flam-ily.”

Did you see Brad Pitt on the Today show? Me neither, but here it is, and it makes me like him quite a lot.

xmas survey

1. List one of Santa's Reindeer

Blitzen

2. List someone who was at the Nativity

Jesus

3. List your favorite verse from The 12 Days of Christmas

Fiiiiive golden riiiiiings!

4. List your favorite Christmas song

What Child Is This?

5. List some piece of Santa's outfit

Hat. That one was dumb.

6. List your favorite Holiday Party game

Do A Shot When Someone Says “You’ll Shoot Your Eye Out”

7. List the thing you dread most about Christmas

People

8. List your favorite dish as part of the Christmas Dinner

Red Velvet Cake

9. List your favorite childhood gift

Cabbage Patch Kids

10. List your favorite Christmas movie

Miracle on 34th Street

11. List a character from A Christmas Carol

Scrooge

12. List the average number of Christmas cards you usually send out

Like a hundred

13. List your favorite thing to find in your stocking

Diamonds

14. Approximately how old were you when you found out Santa was not real?

I was never told he was real in the first place

15. List the number of people you usually buy Christmas gifts for

20? I don't know.

16. List the date you usually COMPLETE your Christmas shopping

Dec. 23

17. What is on top of your Christmas tree?

A picture of Ralph Nader

need fema's help

David is in California and I'm a single parent for the weekend. This morning Judah piled so much toilet paper in the toilet it got clogged and then I discovered Lolly with a paintbrush and vaseline, she had painted her hair and also the wall (with vaseline). After a Surprise Bath she ran naked upstairs and I let her because I was exHORSTed, then she came back downstairs covered in Cool Whip, and the couch was covered in cool whip too.

That wasn't even half of it. I texted David and told him to get a vasectomy on his way home.

snow day and extremely specific pancake requests

Attempted Spongebob pancake


Attempted Squidward pancake


Snowing. Judah said somberly, “It’s beautiful.” Lolly said “It’s snowing time!”