i like stuff like this

My friend Jen Many posted this and I posted my name which means that I must follow through...so. If you post your name in the comment section I will do the following:

1. I'll respond with something random about you.
2. I'll tell you which song or movie you remind me of.
3. I'll pick a kind of alcoholic beverage to share with you.
4. I'll say something that only makes sense to you and me.
(if possible. if not, I'll say something that only makes sense to me.)
5. I'll tell you my first memory of you.
6. I'll tell you what animal you remind me of. (This is potentially dangerous, but it's part of the deal I guess)
7. I'll ask you something I've always wondered about you.
8. If you play, you MUST post this on your blog.

This is the part where you post your name...

safe people

I've been reading this book again. It's hard to come to the truth about stuff. So many people choose the easy way over the truth and tell themselves they're being truthful. I don't wanna do that.

Safe People by Dr.Henry Cloud. Here’s some from it:

The safe person doesn’t make you feel like either a child or a parent. He takes ownership of his life, talents and values. He wants to seek righteousness on his own, but with your consultation, not your approval. And he wants you to flourish in your life without needing his approval, even if you disagree.

You know you’re around a safe, adult person by the following characteristics:

She is not threatened by your differences.
She has standards, values and convictions she’s worked out for herself.
At the same time she doesn’t have a “right way” and a “wrong way” for everything.
She functions on at least the same level of maturity as her peers.
She appreciates mystery and the unknown.
She encourages me to develop my own values.


Here are some traits to look for in your relationships:

Are they living up to their commitments to me?
Are they here for me only when I’m here?
Do they tell me no when they don’t have time (as opposed to saying yes out of feeling pressured?)
Do they make promises they can’t keep?
Do others warn me about their pattern of relating?

Here’s a bit from this one, Boundaries and Relationships by Charles Whitfield:

The first principle is that the people from whom we may obtain assistance and feedback should be safe. We should be able to trust them to be real with us and have most of the characteristics of safe people. Safe people tend to listen to you and hear you. They accept the real you and validate your experiences and other material that you may tell them about your inner life. They are clear and honest with you and nonjudgmental of you. Their boundaries are also appropriate and clear. They tend to be direct with you and not triangle others into conflicts that may develop between the two of you. Finally, they are supportive and loyal, and the relationship with them feels authentic.

By contrast, unsafe people may not really listen to you or hear what you are actually saying, although they may pretend to do so. … They often reject or invalidate the real you and your inner life experience. They may be judgmental or false with you. They are often unclear in their communications. Their boundaries are often blurred and they may send you mixed messages. They may be indirect with you, often triangling in others when they are in conflict with you. Rather than being supportive, they may be competitive or even betray you. Overall, the relationship just feels contrived.

Not all of these characteristics are absolute…however, over time, these characteristics and others may be helpful in differentiating who is safe and unsafe.

santa cruz/mount hermon

Third and final installment, the Santa Cruz leg of our west coast tour. Here's Lolly with Cousin Ainsley & Cousin Claire. Lolly's letting us know how she feels about posing for pictures.



Here's Judah and Claire at Wall-E. J was annoyed at me for being so dorky.


Joelle in the background & me wearing Judah's glasses he made at Craft Time.


David investigating a HUGE NASTY SPIDER.


He said "That thing is huge, this is going to be like killing a squirrel."


Spider aftermath


Happer times sans spider. (I mainly put this in here cause my rack looks sorta great)


In the grass with Lolly & Ainsley


Being in that backseat forever warranted frequent popsicles


Mountain View exit, former home of the Coombeses


You are entering Weed.


Judah & Lolly picking rasperries at Aunt Mae & Uncle Richard's house in Ashland


Uncle Richard is not unlike The Dude.


Judah decorating his ice cream


Coffee service & gnarly feet

l.a.

Mean sign that I took a picture of for free.


David outside Tommy Wiseau's house. He ignored us.


The gayest house in L.A. [more info on it here]


Simone & Gregg


Gaz arriving - I think this picture is so funny because it's like the complete inverse of the Beatles arriving in America! Horizon plane, elderly Floridians behind him...

[photo by MQ]

Danny & Charly & gear.

[photo by GC]

Carry-on

[photo by MQ]

At the VH1 Who thing

[photo by MQ]

At the Avalon


The death star


Spirits nicked from backstage


Next morning detoxing. I can't believe I like this stuff.


At an estate sale in Silver Lake.


Circle game!


Crispin Glover's house. "You are my density - I mean, my destiny."


LaBianca house.


In the Griffith Observatory


Outside the Griffith Observatory


Me & Simonsie!

seattle & portland pictures

Ookay, here's my first installment of pics taken with my crappy camera, but here you go.

Supergrass onstage at Key Arena


Gaz & Danny juggling fruit, surprisingly nerdy & sweet


Simone & Rob


Danny




Danny makes some new friends after the show (they're in the Foos demographic), pic by MQ


I like set lists.

[pic by MQ ]

We taught Gaz the circle game but he's doing it wrong cause it's above the waist. It's okay though, he's learning.


This sign is a liar.

[photo by MQ]

Feet: Gaz, me & Danny, and a Simone boot strap (she says)


Appetizing refreshments


Danae's necklace used to be Marie Antoinette's earring!!


The Foos doing a 30 minute version of Stacked Actors the next night in Portland


They're such English gentlemen


More to come..

the return of

I'm back from my California adventure of glamour and shame! I'll post pictures soon. Why is is so hard to post those things? It feels like it takes ten years to load and then code them. Also, I hate my camera. When I get like $100 I am getting some newer one that is ten thousand times better than my current crappy one that was $300 four years ago.

I saw this picture at Stuff White People Like and it struck me so funny!

sorry

I was really touched by something one of my friends sent me after I told him he hurt my feelers. I asked his permission to put it here - I know it's kind of weird to share this, but I was so touched and I want to be able to be this non-defensive and giving.

Stephanie,

It just hit me.

I apologize for my coldness and insensitivity to your experience. Maybe you caught me off guard with that, and maybe I was locked in my reactionary, defensive mode. I do not share your baggage with this subject.

I'm sorry.

Isn't that sweet? I don't often give apologies like that - okay, I think I never give apologies like that, and I want to, because of how cared for I feel since he said that. And how healing his saying that is.

My counselor says that just saying "I'm sorry" actually stops relationship because it's a way to not deal with the hurt you caused. Isn't that interesting and weird? It seemed to strange to me when she first told me but it's starting to make sense, because when you just say "I'm sorry" nothing has really taken place; you've been forced to acknowledge you hurt them but it's not usually said with softness and tears in your eyes. Counselor lady says if you say it with remorse and softness then it's very different than just saying the words and then expecting to move on with your relationship as if everything is okay. If you expand on what you did and own it and the person sees you feel their feelings, it helps them feel safe with you and then your relationship grows. So beautiful! I'm humbled by his apologizing like this and I want to be able to make these kinds of selfless apologies to others. I'm trying to surround myself with people who will tell me when I hurt them, and am trying to tell others when I feel that way too.

Now I'm fighting to not say something ironic and sarcastic here to offset my corniness...