honesty? is that what you think this is about, dylan?

Have you been watching the Real Housewives of NY? They’re such complete and utter twats. I love it.

This morning Eric Idle was on Adam Carolla and so was Dr. Drew (I love all 3 of those people) and Dr. Drew went “Comedy is an anti-social thing, it’s sort of aggressive, people with trauma histories often use comedy to vent.” Eric Idle: “Certainly.” I think that is very INTERESTING. I am going to think about that.

Then later Drew said “Don’t you wish you had the command over the Queen’s English like the British, don’t you wish you could express yourself like they do?” and Adam went “I feel like the dumbest guy in England sounds twice as smart as our president.” El oh el!

Lately when Lara and I run around the lake, Judah comes along on his razor scooter. It’s super fun. Lara chases him and makes monster noises with complete inhibition, to my great delight.

And here’s some goodness with Dylan & Brenda. God, I don’t remember the acting being this bad.

gooey duck

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10 things

Everyone else is doing this so I will too.

10 things you may not know about me:

1. I was born in Colorado, then lived in Okalahoma, then moved to Arkansas, and then moved to Texas when I was 19. I miss the south every day of my life, but I still love living here.

2. I fall asleep thinking about how excited I am for coffee in the morning.

3. I decided I wanted to marry my husband after I read his children’s novel, but I hadn’t met him in person yet.

4. I hate checking voicemail more than just about anything.

5. I love Jessica Simpson. That's massively lame, but she reminds me of my friends back home.

6. I took piano for 12 years and used to teach lessons in college. I majored in piano performance for a semester until I decided I probably couldn’t make any money with that degree.

7. Hmm.

8. I ran the Austin Marathon my senior year of college, but I didn’t finish. At mile 22 my toes started bleeding through my shoes so I stopped and got on a pickup truck to the finish line.

9. I’m insatiable when it comes to new music and I make a mix cd every month.

10. I don't respect people who can’t explain why they believe what they believe. Same with people who say they will never change their minds on something. I think it’s such a waste of your brain, soul, and your humanity to close yourself off like that just because those things are too uncomfortable to think about. But I admire so much people who are willing to struggle with difficult ideas and be open to changing their minds for the sake of living closer to the truth.

christian comedian

Check out this idiot if you're bored.

hammerhead's desk

This story of a Hammerhead shark reminded me of my own personal Hammerhead I used to work with. She was so surreal I used to write down stuff she did. Here are two scenes from Hammerhead Theatre that I wrote down. (All events are true.)

Act One

I need to look up a statistic on a computer that is in HH's corner. It's not her primary computer, and in fact is as much mine as it is hers, but she will not let me touch it when she is around.

Me: HH, I just need to get something off this computer real fast. (Instead of scooting over and letting me do it, HH stops what she's doing and whirls around.)

HH: HUH? What do you need exactly?

Me: Just to look at a screen. (The monitor is off so I turn it on.)

HH: What did you do??? You turned it off!

Me: It's making noise. (I move the mouse to turn off the screensaver.)

HH: IT'LL COME! IT'LL COME!

Me: It will now that I moved the mouse. (The screen comes up.)

HH: This computer has a BLACK SCREEN TENDENCY. Now what is it that you need?

Me: To find out how many product injuries we had in June.

HH: In the MONTH of June? In the MONTH of June ITSELF??

Act Two

I pick up the phone and am dialing as HH comes in. She stops short 2 inches away from me and stands there while I sit at my desk. I say "Hi Joel, I'm calling about the domestic injury cases." She knows good and well that Joel is in Washington D.C. and it should be obvious this call will take awhile. Still she stands there, looming over me. She's so close I can see her torso move as she breathes. She lifts up her shirt and scratches her belly and the scaly sound is RIGHT in my ear. She stands there for the entire 5 minute phone call. When I finally hang up I say "Did you need something?" and she says "There's cupcakes in the breakroom."

I found these pictures I took of her desk once when she wasn’t there. Sorry I left the flash on. Note family photo in wolf frame.





Hammerhead’s added keyboard buttons.


No need for a caption.



Hammerhead’s books on tape and cds of John Philip Sousa marches.


Note crisis sign and additional wolf calendar.

it goes like this, the fourth, the fifth

I'm at my new desk today! It is full of glamour. I'm right by the window and Shari (rad coworker) and Alecia (another rad coworker) sit behind me. We got along great today. Maybe tomorrow everything will hit the fan. I am right by the window which is perking me up like nobody's business. However. I also smell like a tanning bed and it's driving me crazy. So disturbing. Is it my newfound proximity to sunshine? Newfound proximity to the homeless schizophrenics congregating just outside to get their meds? Somebody had better do something around here! (That's a fantastic line from The Room, of which I received three copies for my birthday. You have to see it.)

Did you see American Idol? Quickly: I loved, loved when Danny Noriega said he "turned red like a cute little tomato." I loved when the dreds guy sang Hallelujah. I loved when the child prodigy guy played the Phil Collins song. That Wham song was gayer than an Easter basket. It was almost gayer than Danny Noriega. I liked that the guy with the contrived hair sang that Lionel Ritchie song but he himself...I sort of wanted to beat him in the neck with his left-handed guitar.

Vanpool time!

john & jonathan the goldfish

Why hello there! How was your weekend? David was gone for most of it so I was a single parent and I gotta tell you. Nothing brings me nearly as much joy as those kids do and nothing makes me want to rip my hair out and kick my dog in the butt and maybe wring their little necks quite like those kids do. When they're good they are perfect angels, saying funny and intelligent things and are my litte buddies. When they're naughty I feel like I could lose it. Thankfully I didn't this weekend. I did relegate them to the naughty step a couple times and threaten to not let them get goldfish. I guess that's not so bad...it's not like they are super naughty, I guess - they just like to pick at each other and piss each other off. Then when they're buddies they are so adorable and cute and doting on each other. I don't want to interfere too much with either one; they can work it out (life is very short and there's no tiiiiime for fussing and fighting my friend) and they usually do, but while I'm in the other room listening to them bicker it puts me on edge. Then they usually resolve it somehow and with minimal physical violence between then. (I will tolerate a small amount. That is how I roll.) We were really glad to get daddy at the airport yesterday. He brought them books that were a present from Nana and they were absorbed in them all the way home - and neither of them can read (Judah's almost there, though). I'm so glad they're readers like us. It's like a fun family activity we can all do at the same time, but also it's pretty autonomous, you know? So we went to buy them each a goldfish as a prize and Judah named his John and Lolly named hers Jonathan. Except she pronounces it Jah-fin.

Oh, the kids have taken to calling us by our first names a lot. It's pretty funny.

Tonight is my story group and I'm hella nervous. I would rather read a speech in front of a thousand people rather than my painful story in front of seven other people. But then that's the whole point of the group. Have to keep reminding myself of that. Last night I got a call from David's uncle who has gone through a lot of hard stuff and is working through it and healing. He's a big help for me because I can look to someone who is facing their crap and changing for the better. His voicemail was so sweet, it said "I've been thinking about you and your journey and want you to know that we love you and God loves you and he will completely heal you." I got tears in my eyes when I listened to it. I'm gonna save that message forever.

***UPDATE***
I just got a text from David that says: "Judah made a missing persons poster this morning that said 'Jon lost fish' because he wasn't anywhere to be found in his bowl. But I just took out the filter and Jon was alive and well swimming around inside."