"This review of a Dairy Queen is like my favorite thing ever, and I don't know why."
"Tyra just said "outer body experience" on Top Model."
"I think it would be pretty weird to get a body part chopped off. But a leg would be my choice if I got to choose. You can wear pants and a prosthetic and you are all good. I had a teacher in high school that lost both of his legs in a motorcycle accident. Nobody really new until one day he was standing at the board and his LEG FELL OFF!!!! Everyone FREAKED OUT!!!! Some of the girls in class ran out in to the hallway. I am pretty sure he did it on purpose to be funny. He was a very dark person - but hilarious! He just laughed and laughed and so did I. Then he stopped really fast and looked at me and said all angry "what. you think it is funny to be an amputee" And I said no, but that it was funny that his leg fell off. And then he laughed some more. That was a good time. I still laugh about that sometimes. I really loved that teacher, too. I mean... lets face it, it was math so I was pretty much asleep the entire time, but I just loved that storm cloud that was always over his head. He had a big bushy black beard, too. One time I asked him if he ever felt like a pirate. You know... the beard, the missing legs. He was not really amused on the outside, but I bet you anything he would still remember me to this day if he hasn't killed himself by now. He seemed the type."From Jona:
"Omg someone TOTALLY DESTROYED the womens bathroom at work today. Really. It was so stinky I couldn't even stand to hide in there and play games on my phone. Also she pissed her neon pee all over the seat! Jeez! I'd like to know who did it so I'm on the lookout for a really careless coworker who is eating a jalapeno dog meat sandwich and drinking fluorescent yellow finger paint."
More from Mona:
"For lunch we went to Chipotle, but I got a sandwich first and brought it there because their food always makes me ralph."
"Jeff and I just ran giggling down the hall to avoid being seen by our tardbarn coworker. It was youthful and refreshing. Now I'm preparing for 2.5 more hours of Intertubing."
"At lunch I went to get passport photos cause mine expires in a couple weeks. My photo turned out kind of hot! I wish I could use it for all my IDs."
"Gregg told me about this ridiculous "Developing Story" (image attached) on CNN and I was so mad, I wrote them a letter. He sent it to his friend and he thought Gregg photoshopped it!"