that's where you and i differ

David Letterman is my boyfriend. Look what he does to Paris Hilton, it just doesn't get any better.

chunnel

There was so much fog this morning you couldn’t see the tops of the buildings or the Space Needle and I love that. The heat came on at work for the first time with the smell of dust burning which is my absolute favorite and I had A Moment. That smell means flannel sheets and crunchy leaves. These are a few of my favorite things, when the dong bites. When the pee stings. When I’m feeling nads. I simply remember my favorite things and then I don’t feel ho bag.

Sorry, I don’t know where that came from. Here is a little sweetie pie.



Here is some fall-ness in our living room. Judah picked out the “scary black bird” (fake, mind you).



This is my idea of a really good night. Give me and books and magazines and remote controls and I’m happy as a dead pig in the sunshine.

I love this couch so much. I would make out with it if it acted halfway interested.

cashmere opportunities

Shane has things to say about fall too. He says-

I like:

A cold nose.
A warm coat
Cashmere opportunities.
An excuse to bust out the flannel sheets.
The sound and smell the heater makes when it first comes on in the morning
Cold leather seats that soon heat up with glamour
Wet leaves on everyone else's lawn (but not mine, please)
Halloween

You know, say what you will about Ahmadinejad, but that suit he was wearing was pretty rad.

discovery park

Yesterday we went out to Discovery Park with Shane and his kids. We drove down to the lighthouse and sat on the sand surrounded by water facing the mountains and the kids threw rocks into the water and built a house with driftwood.



I’m so stoked fall is here. Melissa is a freak for fall too and we made a list like nerds about what we love about fall:

I say:

Big fat sweaters
Sunny cold afternoons
Wellington boots and tights
Pumpkin spice lattes
The McIntosh Yankee Candle (smells exactly like a bunch of apples)
Going to the corn maze. And saying “corn maze!”

Melissa says:

Fog
Pumpkin farm and antique stores in Snohomish
Coats and scarves
FRESH AIR (did you see the smog layer today...crazy)
Burning tons of candles that smell like pumpkin, apples, cinnamon, etc
Darkness at dinner time

Carrie says:

When it's dark in the morning and the bus is all sleepy and the lights shut off when the doors close
Fresh air
Better movies in theaters
Coming home after a blustery commute and putting on leisures
New TV season
Not sweating so much

Arkansas lost again yesterday but the Cowboys pulled one out. What is with me liking football all of a sudden? What is happening to me??

if i'm her idea of charm, then i have a nice styrofoam cooler she should meet

I saw these interviews with Zach Galifinakis at Michele's blog so I did what I had to do and ganked them.



Zach on Self-Confidence (from Harp):

HARP: You're really open about lacking confidence. Isn't confessing that a sign of weakness for a comic?

I don't think honesty is ever a weakness. Comics are supposed to feel like they're in control of the stage but offstage, they're really not in control. For a lot of comics, it's a fake confidence, [like] a guy that lifts a lot of weights might have some morale problems deep inside of his vacuoles. I was never confident when I first started. I was always amazed that people could be confident [performers]. I just stopped caring what the audience thought. I would watch comics and I knew that a good comic led the audience versus kowtowing to the audience. Once I realized that, I just said "Well, I don't know if this'll work out but I'll just do it anyway."

HARP: People with low self-esteem could take a lesson from that.

Just be honest with yourself and admit that you're not doing well. There's something quite honorable about knowing that you're not good [laughs]. I never thought I wasnt that good; it just took a long time to figure out how to translate the stuff I was thinking about onstage [into jokes].

HARP: Could I ask a favor? Maybe dial down the charm? Every time my wife hears your name, her eyes glaze over.

Your poor wife. If I'm her idea of charm, then I have a nice Styrofoam cooler she should meet.


Zach Galifianakis on significant others (Vice Magazine):

"When you first find love it makes you skip to the post office or wink at a German shepherd. Sometimes, if you're lucky, you will do both at the same time."

"But after awhile, out of nowhere, she's clipping her toenails and eating a corndog at the same time and it makes you wonder what the motherfuck happened."

"The only time you hold hands is when you're both reaching for the Ketel One at the same time."

"You confess that her tattoo of whatever Smurf that is on her lower shoulder is bad for dog-style lovemaking."

"That's how love goes."


Zach on Random Shit (Gothamist):

If someone were writing a cookbook and they wanted a pun for the title, what would you recommend that they use?

The Eligible Spatula

When should people expect to see Dog Bites Man on DVD?

Like myself, I think it will come out eventually.

a good reason not to homeschool your kids

clamato & neosporin

OH GOD there’s the annual staff meeting today and they're going to talk about the dress code, which says things like “no plaid hair” and “no facial piercings or visible tattoos that could cause psychological distress to a client.” What they should be banning around here is mom jeans and cat sweatshirts. All of my cat-apparel-clad coworkers are agitated about the new dress code and say they’re going to raise hell at the meeting. I think I will silently forfeit my right to plaid hair and do what I usually do during these painfully long and unlikeable meeting things, which is chew my cuticles and glance up occasionally from drawing sailboats and transparent cubes.

Today Adam Carolla said: “She’s so sanctimonious, that big sack of wind called Oprah. By the way, can’t anyone just fire back at that fat bitch?” Finally someone’s taking the piss out of Oprah! She’s not married and she’s not a mother and yet she’s the idol of all these married mothers. Makes about as much sense as tits on a lawnmower, as my grandaddy would say.