Wednesday, January 27, 2010

l.a. trip: the richard simmons segment


Last week I went to see The Hotrats play in LA, it's Gaz & Danny from Supergrass and they only do cover songs but they just toured and since it was Supergrass I had to go. Simone bought me a plane ticket as an early birthday present, yips! They played January 19th and the 21st and since the 19th was Lolly's 5th birthday I wasn't going to go down that day. But at the last minute I moved my flight up because Simone had been hanging out with Gaz and Danny and said I had to get my ass down there and so I had a birthday breakfast with Lolly and she didn't care one way or the other if I stayed the whole day or not since she was having a birthday thing on Sunday, and I was going to be back for that, so...see ya!

I'll start with the last thing that happened - on Saturday we went to work out with Richard Simmons because Simone and I LOVE him. Anyone can go work out with him, every Saturday morning he teaches a class at his studio (called Slimmons, hahaha) in Beverly Hills and it's only $12. He had a little sit-down chat session beforehand where we all sat criss-cross applesauce style around him while he sat on a chair and talked about his emotionally abusive father and how he forgave him and how forgiveness is key to moving on, and "how did you eat this week? Did you pay attention to your fat grams? Did you pay attention to your calories?" Zooey Deschanel walked in during this and he said "Hi! Hello!" (he says hi to everyone who walks in as if he knows them) and she went into the locker room and after she'd gone he stage-whispered "I just saw her in 500 Days of Summer, she had 80 costume changes and I changed costumes each time with her!" The class was completely packed and there was mercifully little room to move around too much, Simone said it's better that way cause you get really tired when there are fewer people and also he walks around in between you more and eggs you on. He turned on that Black Eyed Peas song about having a feeling that tonight's gonna be a good night, then he turned it down and screamed "I freaking love you all!" and then turned it way back up again. I was next to Zooey and she was picking everything up really easily, she must have taken years of dance lessons. During Single Ladies he walked around amidst everyone and flipped his hand around like Beyonce and pointed to his ring finger. He had us make a big circle and pulled people into the middle two by two to dance around with him and he picked me one of those times and it was horrifying! We did weights and then situps and he said "Look at the ceiling, don't look at me! I know I have a $700 tank top on, but look at the ceiling for now. Let me tell you, each of these Swarovski crystals cost 89 cents and when one falls off, I go looking for it." He said "Put your knees together but keep your feet apart, like a V. For virgin." and he had us do pelvic thrusts and while we were doing that he sang "I'm so lonely...so, so lonely...." Anyway, it was a riot. I talked to Zooey for a minute afterwards because she was there with Simone's friend Marilyn. I asked to see her ring and we talked about vintage jewelry. The end! More installments as I get time!

9 comments:

Rye said...

You've got the best stories!! For reals. Were there any boys in the class?

I wish I could have seen you dance.

stephy said...

There were a lot of boys in the class, and not one of them were straight. Richard was flirting outrageously. He remembered most everyone who had been there before, it was amazing. He kept asking people "how much have you lost?" and when one girl walked in he said very seriously "I've missed you." It was adorbs!

Carrie said...

Whew! This was Very satisfying! I wish I could have seen you dance with Richard too.

Rye said...

Were people cracking up? I mean, like losing their composure because of his jokes? I must go next time I'm in LA. If Rip Taylor ever taught an aerobics class, I would so DIE of excitement.

Rye said...

I had to read this one more time because it cracked me up so much!

Simone said...

Great recollection of Richard! I saw Marilyn again today and she worked out with Richard again yesterday and she went with a male friend of hers (straight) who is 6 foot 4. Richard seemed smitten with him and asked what he did and he said he was an English teacher so Richard kept breaking into song, "I'm in love with an English teacher!" God, I wish I could have seen that!

melky said...

i love this!!!

stephy said...

Haha I wish I'd seen that too Simone! Did he talk to the English teacher afterward? I love that Marilyn goes so much! For everyone's information, Simone and I kept catching each other's eye and laughing during the class, Richard was so hysterical I don't know how everyone wasn't falling over laughing the whole time.

Simone said...

He is constantly hilarious and you didn't even see him do the drooling thing that he does! I can never figure out if he is trying to say we are so hot we are making him drool or if we are working out like a bunch of drooling retards.