fall back

My favorite holiday is Daylight Savings Time in the fall when we gain an hour and ever since I’ve had kids I DON’T GET TO USE IT TO ITS POTENTIAL! The kids get up an hour earlier than usual and I can’t sleep in. I can’t do a damn thing but make breakfast and find the Perfect Cartoon to suit them. Maybe it's not my favorite holiday anymore.

I was just rifling through the front desk candy bowl along with another lady who plucks all her eyebrows out and when it's her birthday she buys herself birthday cards that she makes everyone sign. (Her name is Mavis.) But that's not the point of the story. The point of the story is she held up a Peep and said "What the hell is this?" and Verna, a disgruntled, ahem, OLDER lady who has tall hair and is perpetually pissed off said "I don't know and if I don’t know what it is I don't eat it!" I grabbed two Peeps and hightailed it out of there.

OMG how much do you hate the bathrooms at work? I feel so violated by the smell of poop that smacks me in the face whenever I go in there. There are something like 300 women that work on my floor and only 4 stalls in the bathroom. I guess it manages to stay reasonably clean considering, but I just hate hate hate the concept so much. Carrie and I talk about "bowl blasters," people who fart unashamedly into the toilet bowl and the sound swirls around and echoes fantastically. I try so hard not to look at their shoes or anything so i won't be able to identify the bowl blaster and have to think about them farting everytime I see them in the hall.

The Tiddy Bear informercial is good times.

clever title here

I got a talking-to at work on Friday because I suck and then I cried in the boss's office. I don't like crying in the boss's office. He felt bad and kept saying "don't cry, you're a nice person" and I was like "but being a nice person isn't enough, duh." Whenever I tell someone what I do they say "that doesn't sound like you" but I've managed to bumble through the workplace for nine years now because I don't like feeling like I'm sitting around doing nothing but I also don't like being scolded for sucking at work. While I was trying not to cry I was concentrating on boss's Cartman and Kenny action figures on his desk and willing them to watch over me. But I cried anyway.

At least boss is nice. He gave me a hug and then sent me this email and said "You're smart and not only do I have confidence in you I'll help you." Since that surprises me maybe deep down I don't think I'm smart or competent. But I know I'm good at dicking around on the internet. I wish I could capitalize on that somehow, that and sleeping.

Maybe I should send my Hammerhead manuscripts to a publisher and be a stay-at-home mom and get a Sensible Haircut and wear mom jeans.