fun with ryan

Emailing with Carrie & Simone is one of the best things about going to work so when they're not at their work computers to entertain me I get sad, and today they both weren't in the office. Carrie had to run three-legged sack races with her coworkers for Office Comraderie Day and Simone is in Vegas but by a magical stroke of luck, today Ryan was actually returning my emails and he made me snort and wheeze from laughing. Here are some highlights.

Ryan writes:

"My church had a Christian drama troupe come several times while I was in youth group. There was a narrator with suspenders that could freeze time, allowing him to jump in and out of the narrative to give us a moral lesson. You'd see two kids (played by adults) being offered marijuana and arguing that, '...only doing it once couldn't hurt you.' The narrator would snap his suspenders signaling the actors to freeze. Then he'd step out of the the fourth wall (theatre term) and say, 'Now, do you guys think that Allison and Jeremy know agape love? Are they making smart choices with godly hearts?'

"Jon [Ryan's boyfriend] was in a Christian Youth Conference in Michigan where they performed Christ's Crucifixion. Yes, Jonathan was Christ and I have a picture of him, bloody and nailed to a cross in an auditorium filled with children. Nothing creepy there. I'll have to find that picture of Jonathan hanging on the cross, smattered in blood. I asked, 'You did this for kids?!' 'Twice a day,' he told me.

I told him about the Bristol Stool Scale. He said:

"That's amazing! Maybe I could use that chart for my IBS poo journal! I need someway of describing the poos. I was categorizing them like:

Proud Poo -- Firm, healthy and long
Polynesian -- Poo nuggets floating about
Oil slick -- Diarrhea without much fibrous material
Boggy -- Diarrhea with a lot of fibrous material
Clay Aiken -- Clay-like poo that you really have to work to get out.

I was at the library yesterday and I saw a Clay Aiken book. I never knew he was so religious. One day, that may conflict with his faggotry.

Anyway, now I have a real chart to work from."

Talking about being Sarah Palin for Halloween:

"When my sister got her teaching credintial she went to all these teacher supply stores. I never knew they existed! They were full of fancy borders for your buliten boards, large punch-out letters, pencils, stationary, etc. They also had a slew of dolls; ethnic dolls as well as "special dolls". The special dolls, purpose, I assume, was like that of the ethnic dolls--to teach kids that all people are equal enough to have a toy in their likeness. Who are they kidding? Anyway, there are downy dolls on the market. Visit Down Syndrome Dolls.You can carry a doll and a rifle. You'll make a great Vice President."

the cherubs

i can't get enough of this

the week in photos

Judah and a Rice Krispie treat


He got a "cold hot chocolate for here" and it was kind of awesome.


After all that sugar he went to the dentist and they found two cavities. Whoops.


Lolly painting a Boots action figure


Rich crashing on our couch between his hectic blackjack events in Seattle and preaching events in L.A. (note the soul patch. Just giving you a hard time, Rich)


Judah being debonair on his first day of 1st grade!


Walking to the bus


While brother's away, Princess TinyPants plays with his toys


He picked pineapple upside-down as his first-day-of-school cake. He insisted on all those cherries on it.


Jose taking a nap under my desk.


He was forbidden to sleep sitting up at his desk anymore so now he naps in my office.


Lara at her wedding rehearsal.


Riverdancing


David & Lara at the rehearsal dinner


Goat cheese and poached apples on baguettes, they kicked ass


Gavin & Nora!


The sun was in our eyes


The rehearsal dinner in Edmonds, it was gorgeous

my past life

This morning I read this article. It's weird because I had dreams last night about when I was a conservative. It's because I watched Sarah Palin's speech. I wish it didn't make me so sad. I remember when I would have loved everything she was saying and I feel like then I was much more unaware (and quite blissfully so) of the impact of our legislation on the entire world. I didn't seek out what it really means to love and engage people, I just had my nose in the air and was happily distant from people who disagreed with me. It makes me feel sad that people are cheering her on, and it makes me feel sad that I ever would have cheered her on. It's all a journey though, I don't ever want to not be on a journey. I don't ever want to say "I'm not going to change my mind about that" again. That makes you kill off a part of yourself so that you can feel like you're infallible. God help me, God help us all, please help our nation, help me in this struggle with all this stuff in my daily life and how much I think about the bigger picture and help me know what not to care about. Maybe that's not what I mean actually - help me not to dismiss something or someone I care about just because it's too painful. I don't want to write off Republicans. I would be the biggest hypocrite if I did that because I used to be one of them. I am getting swept up in the notion that this election will be hugely deciding in the direction of the country. Who knows? Maybe in the end congress and the house will have override most of the president's decisions. And even if that happens, doesn't God say he's in control? I need grace towards myself and others and God please pour down mercy on all the people struggling with poverty and sickness and bad domestic situations all over the world. I can't get away from my thoughts of them, probably because at work that is what I deal with all day long. Then on the street you see people mistreating their kids, I see it almost every day. I think I'm too sensitive to even walk down the street. I need a thick skin, and yet having a thick skin will be the death of me because then I can more easily marginalize people. I'm so desperate for relationships with people who will like me unconditionally. So that's where I am with all of this today. I don't know how to end this post. I really want to see Vicky Cristina Barcelona. How's that for an ending?

well wishes from jason are the best kind

Date: Tuesday, September 02, 2008 11:19 AM
From: Stephanie Drury
To: Jason Rudd

I just got an email from my supervisor who wants to meet with me at 11:30 for my evaluation. Just as I predicted, it is today. And as I should have anticipated, with only 20 minutes notice. So I will have to bail on lunch. :(


Tuesday, September 02, 2008 11:23 AM
From Jason Rudd
To: Stephanie Drury

Respire in, respire out. Think of Amy Sedaris trying on Marc Jacobs shoes while Supergrass serves you ice cream in a large Texas-shaped ceramic bowl. Then, Lolly sings lullabies to her stuffed toys and you hear David Sedaris making a quilt in the den on his new sewing machine. Then he gives you the quilt, and it's the color of blueberries and smells like lillies. And looks like a bunny rabbit!

Date: Tuesday, September 02, 2008 1:03 PM
From: Stephanie Drury
To: Jason Rudd

Um, review wasn't good. Seriously. I have Trouble Concentrating.


Date: Tuesday, September 02, 2008 1:11 PM
From: Jason Rudd
To: Stephanie Drury

Is that what he said about your work performance, or your blasé attitude during the review? I send you *kitten kisses* and *blueberry dreams*. You can take a day off prawn defending to recharge your feline essence. I'll process the paperwork.

SEE: You concentrated throughout this entire message. He's wrong!

xoxo

the plot thickens!

After that Focus on the Family guy asked people to pray for torrential rain in Denver during the Democratic Nat'l Convention nothing happened. But now Hurricane Gustav is "muting" (says the news) the Republican Convention in Minneapolis...even though the hurricane is in the Gulf. And that guy was even praying for specific winds that would blow stuff around and make it impossible for people to walk. Hmm.

I don't wanna go to work tomorrow. I don't wanna put on work pants. I hate work pants. I wish we could wear jeans. It's cold now so I don't wanna wear tights under a dress so I must resort to pants which are warmer but they're PANTS that I would never wear if it weren't for the employee dress code. I do wanna see Shari tomorrow and drink the crappy office coffee and have Jose drop in our office and shut the door and eat our snacks and play the circle game and tell us scandalous things he did at the bath house over the weekend. I do want that to happen. But I don't want to get my annual review which I suspect may happen tomorrow, will probably definitely happen this week. I feel like I'm being called into the principal's office when I get my annual review. They'll probably mention my lack of adherence to the dress code, however slight. Hey, at least I'm wearing my special pants that make me hate myself all day long. Stupid dress code. I wish I could kick ass at work but I can't. I'm too easily distracted. David is watching Sportscenter right now. He's thinking about his fantasy football team. I want to form my own fantasy team...for celebrity scandals or something. What if I got my friends together and we drafted celebrities, took turns picking just like Davy and his boyfriends (teehee) do at the start of the season and then tried to see which celebrity would fall the farthest the hardest before the end of the, say, the college football season. Then we could hold another draft when the NFL season starts. Then when that's over it's baseball season! Yeah! Maybe we could hold a draft for congressmen. If they cheat on their wife they get 10 points. If they cheat with a page they get 15 points. If it's a male page they get 50 points. If their publicity material mentions anything about 'exhastion' then, hmm what do you think, 35 points? If they go to rehab that would 75 points because we never hear about that and if that leaked it would be a feat.

Gonna watch Sopranos now.